The Peaceful Mind Podcast
Episode 70 Feeling Inadequate
FULL TRANSCRIPT (with timecode)
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You are listening to episode 70 of the Peaceful Mind podcast.
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Welcome to the Peaceful Mind podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind, you need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy in more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host certified life coach at Catholic mom Danielle Thienel. In the name of the father of the son and of the Holy Spirit.
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Let's get started.
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Everyone, welcome back. I am so glad you are joining me today. Before we jump into today's episode, I just wanted to let you know that I have a new offering of group life coaching and it's going to be starting soon. So if you are interested, I want to invite you to go ahead and look in the show notes and check out the page that explains all the details about this group. And if you're interested in grabbing one of the spots, then you will sign up for a quick 30 minute call with me.
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OK, this group, let me just say, is going to be amazing. It starts in January and runs for six months. This is the perfect way to start off the new year, to do something different, to go after these goals in a different way. And I promise you that what you will learn and apply and the skills that you will acquire through this group. It won't just help you with your goals for this next year, but it will help you for a lifetime.
00:01:50:24 - 00:02:23:29
If you want to feel better, less tired, less frustrated and less defeated in your mom life and stop being so busy with this never ending to do list, you want more time. This is a naturally built in self-care routine, and you won't have to worry as much. Feel guilty as much. You will just know in your deepest being that you are a good enough mother. You can stop feeling stuck and have the motivation you've been looking for.
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I know you've tried a million things before and you just want to feel more in control, less fearful and just plain start enjoying life right now than this group is for you. I know I've subtly mentioned this on the podcast before, but I lost my best friend to cancer a couple of years ago. In fact, yesterday, the day that I'm recording this podcast yesterday was the two year anniversary, and I also yesterday on the same day got some devastating news of another friend who was given a diagnosis, and I am just more fired up than ever.
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Ladies, moms out there, listeners, a faith filled women, it is time to start. Getting after those dreams and to start enjoying every moment of this life. And that also means when our circumstances aren't so great, we do not know if we are promised tomorrow. And I don't want another mom going out there entering the year, feeling already like her goals are just not going to happen.
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So anyways, this little fired up message comes from a heavy heart that I have where I just want you all to take care of yourselves. And we know that we're entering a season where we're going to do everything for our family as we enter Advent in the Christmas time in order to make everyone happy. But I want to know what are you doing for you? Now is the perfect time to find out if this group is right for you and maybe even ask for it for Christmas, right? OK, so that's what I have for you.
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If you want more information, it'll be linked in the show notes, and I am going to dive into this week's episode. Let's go. Today, I want to talk about feeling inadequate. OK? I know that all of us out there have this feeling come into our lives and especially as soon as those babies come right and we start going after her this life that we dreamed of with our family and our children.
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Man, this feeling of inadequacy just can rear its head. If you're saying that you're someone who actually doesn't have this feeling a lot. I would say that perhaps you're not pushing yourself to go after what it is that you were created to be in this human life. Yeah, because I know that the more I go after these big dreams, the more this feeling comes up. But today, whether or not you feel like it is a main feeling that you have.
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I know that what I have to offer will benefit all of you. And for those bombs that are like, Yes, I feel inadequate a lot of the time, then grab your notebook because I'm going to have some awesome tips for you. OK, so I gathered a list of some thoughts that I hear coming up from my mom clients all the time, the ones that usually when we put them into the model, which is a coaching tool that I use in my practice, that when we put them in there, these thoughts and they are thoughts, they're not truths that when you think them, they create the feeling of inadequacy in your body.
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So here are a few I'm behind. Do you ever think that one, mama, I'm behind? How about others do it better than me? I'm not good enough at. And then you fill in the blank after that. I'm always falling short. I must be doing something wrong. And what am I missing, which is the thought like I'm missing something? OK.
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So when I said that, do you think those in your life, when you do notice how they will create this feeling of inadequacy? And this is coming from your mind. This is an attitude. If those kind of thoughts that I'm behind, others do it better than me. I'm not good enough. I'm always falling short. I must be doing something wrong. I'm missing something. If they are swirling around in your mind, in your subconscious, they are going to create this feeling of inadequacy which ultimately won't drive you and fuel you into the actions that you are actually wanting to take to get you to the results that you want.
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Yeah. And so. We've got to question them, right. And I like to say there isn't any time that you're ever behind. It's your always where you are meant to be, and the reason is is because that's where you are right there. And it's not like you're behind or even ahead. You just are where you are. So that's a thought you could choose like, OK, I'm where I am right now and then now, where do I want to be? And then that put your focus on the now and the future, instead of this false belief that you're behind and one that makes you feel inadequate.
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Right? Others do it better than me. This is when we are looking to others to judge ourselves how we are doing. And so that is giving the control to outside of you, to other people when you are doing what we call in the coaching world, compare and despair. Right. When we look at how, how. Everybody else is doing in their life and then it makes us feel inadequate because we are looking to all the things they are doing and having and being, you know, their accomplishments.
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And what I want you to know is that it is possible for you to just focus and stay in your own lane is like, I how do I like to say it in that other people, yes, are going to be in different places in their lives and they're going to have different gifts that that have them, you know, in a different place than you are. But when you're not focusing on what you have done, what you've accomplished, what you're good at, what's going right in your life, right, then you are tapping into those thoughts that really bring on this feeling of inadequacy.
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I just went to a friend's giving with some, with some friends, and it was it was a beautiful time. And I really had to catch myself thinking when I saw everyone about how put together they looked right, how beautifully their house was decorated. And I guess just personally, I was focusing on like their outfits and their hair and their makeup. And and I and I know this is like superficial because I was so happy to be there and to be able to, you know, have fellowship in community with my friends during this time.
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But and I really had to catch my mind going to, I wasn't, you know, dressed appropriately or I don't have those kind of cute accessories, and I'm not really good at putting things together. And I should really, you know, pay more attention to my hair, take more time. So anyways, I just in that time when I was feeling that the others were, they did it like so much better than me. I really did find myself at a time when I should have been like rejoicing and just like focusing on all the positive there, I really was feeling inadequate.
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But I know that I came home, and even the next day I was able to look back and notice, and then I switched. I switched to what was really true. And that is that I'm more than adequate in a lot of areas in my life and for the area of fashion or putting together a holiday outfit. You know, there's always the Google and in that can definitely bring you an answer and help you need, right or checking out something on YouTube.
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Now there's also the comparison that we do against ourselves. Yeah, that's right. We compare ourselves to our past self like REI, what we used to be able to do when we were younger. And then we tell ourselves, Well, we're not as good as it now. Add it now or we. We don't do it as well now. And I used to be able to do that when I was younger. Or maybe we compare ourselves to our thinner selves of the day, right? And when we do that compared to our our past self, we feel inadequate now and we just need to put down the judgment and bring in the self compassion and love for where you are in your life right now, mama.
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Right. And and we actually need to have an extra dose of self-compassion and love and re reading it out to ourselves through every stage of motherhood. I know that I didn't have these tools when I was a young mom, and so I know that life could have been different and I could have been really enjoyed and been more present and really felt that the adequacy and that I was doing a good job during those early years with three young babies.
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But now I'm jumping. Who focusing on what I do know right now and now, I am in that kind of pre stage of the empty nest where I have two kids going off to college next year, and I am noticing that even in this stage of life, those thoughts creep in of not being adequate enough, maybe not spending enough time before they go right. OK. So because I know this, I am delving out self-compassion and love to myself even more, knowing that, yeah, my heart is going to hurt watching my babies go off to school and I'm OK, I'm ready to redirect my brain to know this is a new chapter that will be full of amazingness, too.
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All right. So those were just a couple things that I wanted to let you know about this feeling of inadequacy. First of all, reiterating where it comes from, it comes from these thoughts, these negative thoughts, these poisonous thoughts, even sometimes we say, you know, it is coming from Satan. I'm behind. Others do it better. I'm not good enough. I'm always falling short. I must be doing something wrong. I am missing something.
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It's just not true. There's nothing you're missing. You're never behind, and there's nothing wrong with you. And then I want you to be careful when you compare yourself to others. Stay in your own lane, see what you are adequate in. And I want you to put down the judgment to yourself, to your past self. And keep the compassion and love pouring in for where you are in life now.
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OK. I also want to give you a few simple and really doable rules for overcoming inadequacy. And this means inadequate attitudes. Right? And I want you to do kind of like a 180 switch in. These tips will help for you to learn to believe in yourself always, no matter what. OK, here's number one I want you to take some time and really formulate and kind of just stamp in your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding whatever it is.
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Maybe it's like this meal that you want to do. Maybe it's a hobby you've started. Maybe it's a business that you want to do, whatever it is that you don't have right now that your mind and brain are telling you that you are inadequate about. I want you to stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold that picture like, hold it tight and just never permit it to fade.
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Keep coming back to it. Keep bringing your mind, I know a lot of people like visuals, if that's something that you can have. Excuse me, but it's not necessary. It is something that you can hold and redirect your mind back to, and your mind will go out and seek to develop that picture as long as you're holding it there. That's what the brain does. It always wants to be right and to help you when you are going to look for something.
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It scans the world and it will have you focusing in drawing that to you. So never think of yourself as failing at that goal. Never doubt the reality of the mental image that you're holding and the impact that it has. OK. Number two, whenever a negative thought. Concerning your ability comes to mind. I want you to deliberately. Voice it even out loud, a positive thought to cancel it out, so I even personally, sometimes when a negative thought comes to mind or I maybe I'm not conscious that it is at first, but it gets to the point where it comes out of my mouth, something that I then once I say it, I realize, Oh no, I don't want to, you know, create that.
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I will literally say out loud cancel, cancel, cancel that. Now, one thing that I teach you is that I mean, our thoughts are our creation power. They are so powerful. But the key is is that you have to really believe that thought in order to have it come to fruition. So it's not like every thought we have. We have thousands of them will produce that negative result if you have it once or twice. But I do love that idea that when a negative thought comes, we can have the awareness to just say to ourselves, OK, cancel, cancel.
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Like, I changed my mind. This is what I want to think about instead. So that is also a tip I wanted to give you to help you stay out of the feeling of inadequacy. OK. Number three. When you are doing this imagination kind of exercise, your brain will come in and offer you all of the obstacles of why and how you're not even going to reach it, reach the goals.
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Remember our brain? The motivational triad lower part of our brain is built to have us avoiding pain and seeking pleasure and being energy efficient. So as soon as you decide and declare this big, lofty vision of yours, that part of your brain will start to speak up loud and offer you obstacles. So. Just depreciate every obstacle, minimize them.
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Difficulties that that your brain offers, you will that you'll have to go through in order to get to your goals. You can kind of like question them and after you looking at them and really see like what are some things you can do to deal with them? But let's just look at those obstacles to what they really are. Yeah, and they're mostly just thoughts. And then you can figure out ways to go through the obstacle or over the obstacle or just have it like disintegrate before you even meet it.
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And you can do this, you do this with your mind, right? Just take some time when this obstacle obstacles come up and really say like, OK, how could I deal with that? And again, get your mind working for you? OK, we've got two more. The next one is in. This comes right back around to what I was speaking about earlier with the compare and despair. When we look to others, we want to just not be kind of like in awe of what other people do and then we try and copy them.
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Nobody can be you. And do you as well as you do? So again, the when you look at others, you will have thoughts that really can trigger that feeling of inadequacy. And it feels terrible. And I want you to feel good moms out there. I want all of you to start making how you feel a priority because from there you're going to show up as your best self and you have qualities that no one else has, and that's what you want to focus on.
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So we don't want to be copies of other people, you want to be your best to you, and that includes all the messes of us as well. Those messy parts remind us that we're not perfect, and when we're reminded that we're not perfect, that is a good thing. It is not to have us seeing ourselves as inadequate. It's having us remind ourselves that we are human. Lastly, I want to give you a scripture. It is from Romans 8:31, and I love to use this as a beautiful mind thought mantra whenever inadequacy, the feeling of inadequacy hits me.
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And that is just repeat. If God be for me, who can be against me, if God be for me, who can be against me, really? I mean, it's so comforting and empowering right to direct our mind here whenever it wants to tell us that we're not good enough or that we can't do something or that we are behind, or I might as well not even try because others can do it better than me. No, we bring ourselves back to our greatest cheerleader, right? And that God is always for us, for what we want in our hearts.
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And he wants us to succeed, and he wants us to give it a try. And he wants us to know that he's there to pick us up in the hard times of it. And so I love this scripture so much, and I think it really helps whenever the feeling of inadequacy hits us that if we just bring it back to if God be for me, who could be against me and I kind of feel all armored up and I'm ready to just head straight forward, even if it's straight into something uncomfortable.
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I know that I can handle it because God is there alongside of me. OK? I just offered you five tips on what to do when the feeling of inadequacy comes up for you. And so just to recap here, it's number one. I want you to form a vision in your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. I want you to hold tight to that picture and never allow it to fade away.
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OK? Number two, whenever a negative thought about your ability to do something comes to mind, you want a voice out loud. I cancel it, cancel it out, then we don't want to build the obstacles in your imagination when the obstacles appear. Hit them straight on. Ask yourself what you can do to overcome them and just see yourself is going through them or over the obstacles. Don't be kind of in all of other people and try to copy them.
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Tap in to your own specialness, your uniqueness, and focus your mind on what your amazing abilities are. And then repeat as often as necessary. If God be for me who can be against me, and just these actions will be so powerful to just kick that feeling of inadequacy to the curb. All right, my friends, that's what I have for you this week. Thanks so much for being here.
00:24:48:22 - 00:25:19:27
Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind podcast. Are you ready to take everything I teach you here and put it to work for your own life to really learn how to have peace of mind, no matter what is happening around you? If so, I'd love to have you as a client, as your coach. This is where you'll get personal and focus time on your own mind using life coaching tools, concepts and proven life transforming wisdom all through a faith filled lens. To learn more about how we can work together.
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Come on over to DanielleThienel.Com. There you'll see how to sign up for a free coaching consult and learn how to get started. Until next time. Peace be with you, always.