Episode 96- Elevating Your Relationship With Yourself
You are listening to episode 96 of the peaceful mind podcast.
Welcome to the peaceful mind podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom you were created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host certified life coach at Catholic mom, Danielle Thienel. In the name of the father of the son and of the holy spirit.
Let's get started.
Today, we're going to talk about elevating the relationship with yourself, and it's going to be part of a series, um, for the next few weeks that I'm going to run all here on the podcast. But before we get into that, I just want to give you a couple updates about what's going on in my mom life. Daughters graduated high school last week.
It'll be a few weeks past when this episode comes out. But just for all of those who have young ones who think that this day is far away, I am telling you that even though the part of motherhood you're in right now is a struggle. There is still so much to cherish about what's going on right now in your lives, because the day that they cross the stage and get their diplomas and soon ready to get off to college will come soon enough.
So squeeze those babies extra hard for me today. I mean, I do have one child that still left here at home. Thank goodness. It's giving me much constellation to know that I have. You know, still gonna have a little birdie in the nest, but anyways, I just wanted to let you guys know that that's kind of like where I am in my life.
Now, if you are a new listener, first of all, welcome, or if you haven't listened to enough episodes to find out I am a mom of twins. And so my twin daughters who will be 18 in a few weeks, they are. Both going off to college this fall. And so yes, there was so much beauty about being a twin mom and so much fun and adventure for having two at once.
But yeah, I didn't really think about the day when they would be both leaving at once, but good news is we have figured out that we are going to be able to arrange. They're moving days, kind of back to back, but it will be able to be, it's not on the same day. we'll be able to take one. And then come home and then get the other one off and ready.
But also I can use your prayers and start now to make sure graduation day for college isn't on the same day, because I can't even imagine having to split my, my time or, well, I'm just know the Lord's can take care of it all because again, I don't even want. Think about it. All right. So that was a little update on me, but I, again, like I mentioned at the beginning am going to be doing a series that is a takeoff of last week's episode.
So last week's episode was the five ways to achieve balance in your life. And so what we're going to do is I am going to take each one of those and break it down further into an episode. And what it really is is it is the pillars, the outline, the course curriculum, the blueprint, the pathway that I use with all of my clients, when you go to my website, and if you haven't an.
It's my name.com. Danielle dot com. And that's always in the show notes, if you need the direct link, but it will tell you that I help moms in any stage of motherhood, create more balance, more peace, and more joy in their lives. And that is exactly what I have explained in the last episode. And what I'm going to dive deeper in, in today's episode and the next four after that.
So it'll make up the five main categories of what I think really connects together to be certain that you are stepping into the person who can create balance. In more peace and more joy in all areas of your life. So today we're going to start with elevating the relationship you have with yourself. So we want to discover first, what are your current beliefs that you have about you?
Because before we can elevate them, we have to know where you are. Right. And so how many of us just keep going, you know, life and a birthday's pass and a year goes by and you haven't really stopped to evaluate and re ask yourself, like, what am I currently believing about me? And do I want to keep it? Or am I ready to let that go?
Do I want to reinvent myself? Do I want to. You know, think and step into a different concept of myself. And I was first want to invite you that there's, there's so much that you can find about yourself that you love, that you believe about yourself, or if you're a person who says really no, there's not much.
Well, then that kind of tells you that this work is really, you know, Best thing that you could do is to kind of stop and ask. And so all of those beliefs that you have about yourself, I want you to know that the ones that are serving you, the ones that you like keep them, we don't need to elevate there.
They're already there. I mean, there always can be maybe a room for improvement if you want to focus on it, but I want to look at what your. Inner voice, which is also like your thoughts, are they saying to you, is it self criticizing? Is it self-compassion. Are you judgmental to yourself or are you full of self love and maybe somewhere in between with those extremes.
So just kind of think, are you naturally someone who believes psych that you're confident and you're capable and you fully like your dreams? Do you, do you believe that you are, are going to achieve. Do you see progress in them? Or are you someone who is very like doubtful and kind of again, critical, like not being nice to yourself?
It's there was. Other podcast a couple of weeks ago to, sorry, I don't know the number right off the top of my head about being a best friend or a bully. Um, what kind of brain? So where do you lean? What do you currently believe about yourself? And in my coaching program, we want to take a look at this. We want to find out what is your biggest fear in life?
We want you to get clear and write down, maybe even by going back to like five positive events in your life and five negative events in your life and sort of, kind of evaluate and, and you know, how did you handle them and what was it like and what were your feelings there? And what's the thing that you most want to change about you and why?
Are you willing to do the hard work it might take to change, or maybe you'll have to sacrifice some things to change to make this change? Or are you willing to be okay with some things about the way you are? So again, before you can elevate. When is the last time you've actually just taken some time to discover and revisit and say, what do I believe about myself?
What do I think I'm capable of? What do I feel like is holding me back? Are you using your own values as a guide? Like, do you currently your beliefs align up with your, your values and just kind of get to know what your inner voice is? We can take care of this as simply as taking out a sheet of paper and a pen, and just at the top writing thoughts about.
What I believe about me is dot, dot, dot, and just spend some time getting that out and then take a look at it. And then that's where you want to see is this self. And my self-compassionate too. I feel confident. Am I lacking in confidence? Do I judge myself a lot or do I give myself self love and just find out where you are?
And we want to see this because we want to then increase, take the steps to increase this relationship with yourself. And that's exactly. What a relationship is, is the thoughts you have about yourself. When you have a relationship with someone else, it takes place in the mind. It's what you're thinking about them is what constitutes your relationship with them.
Then I, in order to elevate the relationship with yourself, I want to invite you to ask what is keeping you safe. And I'm going to help you and give you some examples of what I have seen after coaching hundreds of moms. It's usually the same thing. And, and, and I don't fall out of this category because the number one thing that was keeping me stuck and maybe keeping a lot of youth stuck is what I also, um, what.
Help you get out of your way so that you can elevate the relationship with yourself. And that is perfectionism. I had to redefine that for myself because I kind of had this thought and belief that it was a good thing, that it was having me achieve a lot. But in retrospect, and from what I know now and what I've learned.
Through coaching and what I want to help you is to see as redefine this perfectionism for yourself. I often talk about aiming for B minus. This changed my whole motherhood, right? This really the relationship I have with myself, whereas before I needed it to be perfect. And if it wasn't, I felt like I was falling short or questioned my worth or wanted to know like what was wrong with me.
And it was just like a spinning cycle of always doing, doing and more and more and higher achieve and get the a and the gold star and wanting to be the best mom. All of that stuff and it was exhausting. But when I took on, you know, the B minus, if I would just be given a B minus for whatever it was that I was doing, this got me unstuck in my life.
It just propelled me forward. It had me taking lots of action and getting lots of results. And I was just easier on myself. Right. I was the hardest person to please. It was myself. And so when I, you know, I see it, I don't want to say lowered my standards because I don't see that at all, because I actually feel like going from needing to have an, a, and trying to be perfect.
And. Going to the goal being B minus this elevated the relationship with I have in my, with myself. And I want to, you know, just kind of like, have you think about maybe you're currently feeling stuck. Another thing that keeps us stuck, especially in the relationship ourselves, is when we are full of a lot of fear, fear of failing.
Yeah. And so what we do is we don't try, we don't go after what we want. And then again, if we're thinking all these thoughts about ourselves, like we can't do it. I don't know how I've never done anything like that before I might embarrass myself, whatever it was, whatever it is. Then that is definitely going to keep you stuck.
And we want to get that out of our way. We want you to relate to yourself more that you can handle failure and that it's actually a good thing it's propelling you forward. And it's something that you will learn from, and that is the beauty of it, because this is what I always say. So if you're my current client, I know that you're hearing this for the thousandth time, but we either.
When, when we set out for something and we get it or we learn, and that's what comes with failure is learning. So you either win or you learn, you either win, or when you fail, you learn, this is a good thing. And I want you to learn how to be a person who can overcome the fear of failure. And we do that inside of my coaching program.
Another thing that keeps you from having a good relationship with yourself is when you don't relinquish your past, it's over recently did a podcast about this a few weeks back, check it out. If this is something that you struggle with, where we wish that our past was different than it was, or today now in this moment where all your power lies, we go back to.
What it is that we have done up until now. We, we look for what we're capable of today by going back in thinking about our past and what we have done, but whatever took place in our past, doesn't have to dictate our future. So we want to let it go. We want to let go of the things about our past that don't help us moving forward.
It's just kind of like this, this extra big rock you're carrying around in your purse. When it comes to the relationship with yourself in order to elevate it, we have to let the rock of your past go. We have to take it out of the purse, throw it over to the side and we'll be lightly. With ourselves, the last kind of section I have that I want to help to give you today to help you elevate the relationship that you have with yourself is I want to invite you to start living in your own truth.
And what I mean by this, uh, is most easily displayed in the first topic that I want to. Talk to you under this kind of section is how to stop people pleasing. So when we people please, we are really lying to ourselves and to the other person that we're committing to do something with. So when we tell them yes, we will be able to do X, Y, and Z, whatever they're asking.
And we really don't want. Then we are not living in our own truth. And then we have this idea that if we say no to them, that they would think, you know, ill of us or that they would label us as not a good or generous person or whatever. So, first of all, we want to learn how to stop people pleasing because it doesn't benefit anyone.
Not yourself because you're not living in your truth. When you're people pleasing, doing things in a way for other people, when really you'd rather be doing something else or you really, you know, want to be somewhere else and your mind is somewhere else. And, you know, you just won't show up as your authentic self in that most.
And then we also want to stop living based on what other people think. And usually they go hand in hand, right? Because that's why we end up not living in our truth and doing something, you know, saying something when we want to say something else is because we're afraid of what other people think, but this is what I help all of my clients learn over and over.
And if you struggle with this, I just urge you to go down the path of. Elevating this part of your life, it will change everything. We cannot have any, we don't have any control and cannot change what goes on in other people's minds, no matter what we do, or no matter what we say, even if we believe we're doing the right thing, or of course somebody would or should think something good about me.
If I'm doing these certain things, it's just still impossible. And. Instead of trying to live based on what other people think I want to help you mamas to come back and live your life, your authentic life. And what matters is what you think about you. That's all. You know, the objective on I'm kind of the topic I'm covering today is elevating the relationship with yourself.
And that's literally elevating what you think about you. What do you think about yourself? We want to raise this. We want to get it as high as possible. We also want to stop shooting, and this is like saying the word I should. I haven't seen much benefit come out when I kind of mind my clients' thoughts for what's going on in there.
And I, I already know that if they say, well, I should have done this and I should be doing this. I already know that the result that they're getting for their lives is not where they want it to be and is probably creating a lot of negative emotions. And lastly, I want to mention boundaries many times when clients first come to me and we, they say something like, I just need to, you know, make better boundaries.
They often believe. Boundaries that they set are for their children to follow, or maybe their in-laws mother-in-law daughter-in-law sister-in-law to follow, or maybe their boss. And I want to see and ask you, are you establishing boundaries? That work for you because whenever you, you make a boundary, establish a boundary, create one, it, it really doesn't ha it has mostly to do with you and your relationship and what you will do once you set that boundary.
And will you uphold it? If somebody else breaks it, it's like, it's really about what you will do. When that happens. And I do see that this is just an area that could use some attention when it comes to the mom life and knowing that it's in setting boundaries and becoming a really good, not only boundary setter, but follower for ourselves.
Right. That this greatly elevates the relationship that you have with yourself. So really to summarize, we want to look at three main areas in order to elevate the relationship with yourself. And that is looking at what your current beliefs are about yourself. And the second one is to remove what is keeping you stuck right now from elevating the relationship with yourself.
And then the third is living in your own truth, either learning to live in your own truth, making progress towards that, or just making new decisions on what your own truth. All of these will elevate the relationship with yourself. And this is one important topic that makes up the whole program and the whole pathway for you to move from the overwhelm and the busy and not living into your greatest potential of life.
And in order to get to more balance, more peace, more joy. We first want to look at elevating the relationship with yourself. Now next week in the couple of weeks to follow we'll, make up the other pieces of the puzzle. And again, for an overview, there is an episode called five ways to achieve balance. And if you are interested in not just like, you know, learning what it is that I have to say here on the podcast, but really applying them to your life in your specific circumstances, then please sign up for a free peace strategy call.
And on that call, you will take like, One, if something came up with you on where you realized that you would like to elevate the relationship with yourself in one of the areas, I said, bring that to the call and you will get immediate relief and leave that call with having the help and getting an idea of what life coaching can do for you.
So I look forward to the rest of the series. Just as a, kind of like a precursor, knowing that the series ends on episode 100 of the peaceful mind podcast. I can't believe it. It's so amazing. I just want to thank all of you listeners for being a part of it. And please like, and subscribe, leave a review rate or leave a review.
I would really appreciate it. And come back again next week for the next part in the series until then have a beautiful week and much peace and love to you. Thank you for tuning into today's episode of the peaceful mind podcast. Are you ready to take everything? I teach you here and put it to work for your own life.
To really learn how to have peace of mind, no matter what is happening around you. If so, I'd love to have you as a client, as your coach. This is where you'll get personal and focus time on your own mind using life coaching tools, concepts, and proven life, transforming wisdom all through a faith-filled lens to learn more about how we can work together.
Come on over to DanielleThienel. Com. There you'll see how to sign up for a free coaching consult and learn how to get started until next time. Peace be with you always.