Episode 328 - 5 Signs You're Taking Self-Care Seriously And 5 Signs You're Not
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Speaker: [00:00:00] You are listening to episode 328 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to The Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel certified life coach Catholic Mom and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional, steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out.
So you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life. In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hello. Welcome back. I'm so glad you're here. I'm your host Danielle, and this is the Peaceful Mind Podcast. And today surprise, we are again talking about self-care. Yes, I have talked about it [00:01:00] a lot. There are many episodes that you can find on this podcast and I am not apologizing because I know that not all of you have listened to all of the episodes.
And then if you haven't, why not? But. It just, it maybe you are at a place in your life where this will hit home. And maybe there was another time when I talked about the subject when it wasn't as urgent, but I won't stop. Giving the mission, my message as my mission to moms to focus on and take extreme care of themselves.
And so today I wanted it to come from the angle for you to see the signs. That you're actually taking this seriously in your life or not seriously. And either way, it's just for you to know [00:02:00] yourself better because maybe you'll find out, like after listening to this that you're like, know what? I'm doing a really good job.
And actually I feel like I'm showing up as my best these days, and I want you to see how it's connected. Or maybe you haven't been able to make some strides in different areas of your life, or there's some things that you wish you were changing and you didn't connect them with your level of self-care.
Either way, that's where we are. So if you were someone who saw the title and you are thinking, here we go again. That's okay. It doesn't matter how many times you have to hear it, just maybe that the message will hit at the right time. And again, I know if you've been around this podcast for any length of time, I have never been short on talking about caring for yourself, mamas, [00:03:00] and some of you remember the old, the one podcast called Exquisite Self-Care, right? So this isn't a new topic, but I am coming from a different angle. Not what self-care is not how to squeeze in a bubble bath, right? But what does it look like when a woman takes self-care seriously?
Because there is a difference. And I say this to you gently, mama, that there is a surface self-care and then there is a serious self-care. Now both are good. But one really brings change to your life. Change in a good way, change that you want. And let me remind you why this matters so much. I, 'cause I have coached many women over the years.[00:04:00]
Beautiful, intelligent, capable women who were doing all the right things. They were getting the nails done. I love that. Taking the bath, I love that. Even going away on girls' weekends, my clients knows whenever that comes up with someone, I'm always really celebrating them for it. But some of them. And this might be, you still do those things, but you are still exhausted, you're still resentful, you're still feeling like you're running on empty.
And then they maybe somebody might say to me, Danielle, I am doing self-care. I don't understand why I still feel so depleted. But that's when I realized we need to have a different conversation. Because there is self-care. That's like putting a bandaid on a wound and then there's self-care that actually heals the [00:05:00] wound.
There's self-care that you do to recover from your life or something that's been going on. And then there's a self-care level that you actually live from live out of. So one is a little bit reactive. Right When you notice, ooh, been through a tough thing, let me just do an activity that would be self-care to help.
And then there's the proactive one, and the first one is like a, it will provide a temporary relief, but the other one, the one that I'm. Wanting you to contemplate how to have more of is the one where there's really like transformation. So I wanna help you today on this episode about self-care to identify which kind you are practicing.
And I never wanna help you uncover something that will then shame. [00:06:00] Bring up shame or something that you then use against yourself. Especially if you've been doing the surface level kind. That's okay. That's good. Remember, these are both good, but I just wanna step in today to invite you into that serious kind.
Because mama, you deserve more right than the surface level and just surviving your own life, you literally deserve to, for, again, it's so cliche, but to thrive in your life. It's a reason why we say that so much because it's just the best way to describe when I say you, you deserve more than surviving.
You deserve to thrive. So let's just talk about it. I want you to know something about where I am right now in my life. I do a lot of things that [00:07:00] would be that surface self-care. I exercise on the regular. I walk every day. I eat nourishing food. I prioritize sleep. I sleep very well. I spend regular quiet time with God.
I sit in silence. I do meditate. I travel, I connect deeply with friends. I read books. I invest in coaching. I ask for support. I soak in a jacuzzi. I sit in a sauna. I do get mis massages. I do my own nails. I have, I go out on occasion, but. Those. I still think it's very caring and I love all of those things, but really they only play a small part.
I hesitate to [00:08:00] say this because I want to emphasize that all those things are awesome and I want you all to be doing them as well. Or whatever, your self-care, whatever it is that you enjoy. But there is something that really is beyond those things that definitely falls in the category of serious.
That is the main, like a real reason why I feel so peaceful. And they are, they're just like expressions of something deeper because the root is this. I have decided that my wellbeing matters. It from, when I say wellbeing, I'm talking about the whole thing. The things that [00:09:00] nurture me mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, right?
And not just to me, but to God, to my family, to all the women I serve. As their coach, I have decided that depleting myself is no longer virtuous in how it's actually irresponsible. And so this is what I want you to consider today. What is the driving force behind your self-care? Is it something you squeeze in when and after you feel depleted, or is it something you live from on the regular?
Is it guilt driven? Like I should take care of myself [00:10:00] better, but I'm not. Is it love driven? I am worthy taking care of myself. Is it desperate? Like I'm about to lose my mind if I don't go get a break? Or is it intentional, like I proactively tend to my wellbeing? Do you see the little difference in the, what's actually behind or in front of.
You then taking the action of what we're saying is a self-care activity because I want it like where it is the first one, where we're not taking it as seriously. That means it's coming from the guilt driven place. We're squeezing it in. We only do it after we become depleted or burnt out. And it feels a little like desperate.
[00:11:00] Like you've taken yourself to the edge and then now you have to do something about it. But the serious, when you are someone who's taking it seriously, you're coming from it's it's driven. It's driven by love of yourself, actually love of others. When you take self-care seriously, it's so very intentional and it's just becomes who you are on the regular because of your real core belief that your wellbeing matters, so you live from it.
Okay, and so I wanted to just bring to the forefront. The five signs that you are taking it seriously and five signs that you're not. Again, not to shame yourself, no shame, like adjust awareness, like [00:12:00] where do I fall in all of this, right? And we need awareness before we can have that peaceful change begin.
So here's sign number one that you are taking self-care seriously. You take responsibility for your thinking, for your thoughts. You don't allow resentment to build unchecked. You notice when your mind is spiraling into victim mode, you catch yourself when you're rehearsing conversations with people who hurt your feelings.
You don't say this is just how I am. Instead, you ask, who am I thinking or what am I thinking right now? That's what you wanna ask. What am I thinking right now? How is [00:13:00] this serving me? What would I rather think? Instead, you understand that your peaceful mind is part of your stewardship. You know that your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings create your experience.
So you tend to your thoughts like a gardener tends to her garden, right? You pull the weeds, you pull the negative ones, you pull the ones that aren't serving you, and you plant seeds of new ways of thinking that are more helpful and positive, and you water it. You water the positive ones, the ones you want to grow means you practice them.
You direct and focus your brain there. Okay? So if you are somebody who is taking your self-care seriously, you have something in place that is helping you take care of your thinking and your thoughts. [00:14:00] This is why I know that anyone who signs up. To coach with me, to have me be their life coach. They are literally signing up for taking their self-care seriously, because this main one that I'm bringing up here about taking responsibility for your thoughts and knowing what your thoughts and growing new ones that help you.
This is what we do in coaching, and here's then a little sign that you're not taking it seriously. If you're someone who blames your exhaustion entirely on your circumstances, if you tell yourself, of course I'm stressed. Look at my life, look at that, all that I have going on. If you think that managing your mind or doing something through invest in managing your mind is selfish or unrealistic, then you're not taking it seriously.
If you let your thoughts run [00:15:00] wild and then wonder why you feel terrible, mama, your life might truly be full, right? You might have babies, teens, a job, aging parents, right? Nothing is wrong with you for feeling tired, but serious self-care includes tending to the way you think about your life, not just the schedule of it.
Because what I know is true is that two women can have identical circumstances and completely different experiences of their life simply based on how they choose to think. Okay? So sign number two, that you are taking self-care seriously. You are someone who processes your emotions instead of pushing through them.
Or pushing them down or pushing them under a rug, right? You're somebody who allows yourself to [00:16:00] feel the sadness without, for instance, turning it into anger. You allow frustration without turning it into yelling. You create space to feel without making it everyone else's problem. You don't shame yourself for having feelings.
You understand that emotions are just information. They're not emergencies. And when you feel overwhelmed, you're a person who pauses and ask, what is this feeling trying to tell me? Now, if the feeling of resentment arises up in you, you will then ask, Ooh, what boundary do I need to set? When you feel anxious, you ask, what am I making it mean about the future that I don't actually know?
Okay, so now this is someone who takes self-care seriously. Do you see how on the emotional side, they have [00:17:00] built some skills here, so signs that you're not taking it seriously if you're someone who chooses to just numb out your feelings. If you're someone who scrolls your phone for hours, if you overeat and then choose to feel guilty about it.
If we snap at our kids, then apologize and repeat the cycle and repeat the cycle, and we don't stop and really evaluate and make the necessary changes to break the cycle. You don't take it seriously if you're someone who powers through everything without ever asking what you're feeling or why. Or maybe if you are somebody who thinks.
That emotions are just like inconvenient interruptions to getting things done. And again, I always wanna add, there is never any condemnation here. [00:18:00] I just want you to be honest with yourself and seek to know thyself and understand and just get to the place where you're like, oh. Yeah. Okay. That is me, huh?
Yeah. Interesting. Do I wanna change that? Oh, I do. Oh, okay. Then let's just get on changing it. Not anything about, I shouldn't be this way. I've been this for so long. Like why do I always do this? And on this part of self-care? Because here's what happens when we don't process our emotions, right? They don't go away.
They show up again and again as exhaustion, as illness, as depression, as anxiety, as rage. So serious self-care. If you are somebody serious self-care, you take emotional responsibility and you learn about how to process [00:19:00] emotions in a positive, helpful, serving way. Okay. Sign number three that you are taking self-care seriously is you protect your energy like it's precious because it is, you say no when you need to.
You don't volunteer outta guilt. You don't commit to things that cost you your peace. You understand that every yes is a no to something else. You're intentional. You're intentional about what those something elses are. You never apologize for needing rest. You don't justify your boundaries. You're steady, not perfect.
Okay? And then if you are not taking it seriously, then you're someone who does overextend yourself constantly and then feel bitter about it. You say yes to everything and then resent the people who asked. You [00:20:00] tell yourself that being a good mom means being available to everyone at all times.
You believe that rest is earned, not needed. You feel guilty for having any needs at all. And mama, I just have to reiterate, even Jesus withdrew to quiet places to pray right rest isn't a weakness. And energy is not unlimited. It's finite. And could we be stewarding it a little better? Okay. Sign number four, that you are taking it seriously.
You invest in support. This is a big one. You do not try to white knuckle motherhood alone. You're willing to ask for outside perspective. You understand that guidance isn't a luxury, it's [00:21:00] wisdom. It's really smart of you, mama. You might invest in coaching and counseling and cleaning service in a babysitter, in a mentor, in a program that helps you grow.
And then you see these as investments in your family's wellbeing too, and not like an indulgence. When I look at my own life, one of the gr clearest markers that I take self-care seriously is all that I have invested in myself, in my learning, in coaching, in retraining my brain and my emotional system. I have someone holding space for me and my mind and someone helping me see my blind spots and someone helping me stay like anchored to what really matters most, right?
I just always love when my coach reminds me of what I had said at a different [00:22:00] session before, and she holds me to it, right? This isn't an indulgent. It's me taking self-care seriously. 'cause I believe so much in the benefits to myself, to my family, to my community, to my clients, to the world by being an example of this.
And so in this aspect, you wouldn't be taking it seriously if you keep telling yourself that you should be able to handle this all on your own. Like you're, we're supposed to be like good at all of the things. No. If you think that asking for help is a weakness, you're not taking it seriously. If you believe that struggling is noble and support is selfish.
If you tell yourself you don't have the money for help, but you somehow find money for everyone else's needs, you wait until you're in crisis to reach out. [00:23:00] Mama. That thought right there I should be able to handle this on my own. It keeps so many women stuck. My version that I used to tell myself is you're smart.
You're college educated. You should be able to figure this out on your own. Danielle, I literally used to have that on repeat. His self-care becomes natural when you stop trying to do all the things alone. Okay, and sign number five, that you are taking self-care seriously. You make decisions from calm instead of exhaustion.
You do not wait until you are burnt out to adjust things you proactively care for your body, your soul, your mind. You build a life that supports peace instead of constantly recovering from chaos. You notice when you're getting overwhelmed and you [00:24:00] make the changes before you hit that wall, you plan for rest.
You schedule margin into your schedule. You create systems that support your wellbeing. And then signs that you're not taking it seriously is if you're someone who lives in reaction mode. If you're, are you always putting out fires? You wonder, how did I get here? You feel run down, resentful, frazzled, and you think, oh, this is just part of motherhood.
And then you are the type of person that waits until you're completely depleted to take a break. Are you making major decisions when you're exhausted and then you wonder why your life feels chaotic? Yeah. This is, again, I repeat like burnout's, not a badge of honor, right? If we have chronic depletion, this is not what God designed for you in your life.[00:25:00]
So I hope in those five areas, I hope that many of you in the taking life seriously, categories, you found some that you are doing or resonated with. And if you more related to when I said we're not taking it seriously, maybe that I've highlighted something that has, birth to seed of desire in you to make a change.
Because let me paint a picture of what life looks like when you are someone who takes self care seriously. You wake up in the morning feeling rested instead of behind you, respond to your children from patients instead of reactivity. You'll begin to make decisions from clarity instead of [00:26:00] desperation.
They'll be strong, they'll be faster, less confusion. You'll start to feel really steady in your own skin. I think that's another way that I wanna start talking about how you feel more in control of your life is you feel steady in your own skin. You don't need permission to take care of yourself. Because you've already given it to yourself.
You don't feel guilty for having these needs because you understand that meeting them makes you a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better friend, and you feel proud of how you're living that way, not ashamed, and you model for your children what it looks like. To steward your life well, like you give them permission when you're like, it's, you are showing them it's [00:27:00] important to take care of yourself.
And what I'm offering you is not a fantasy. It is available to you. In all of the blocks that come up to tell you why you can't be someone who takes your self care seriously. This is literally just coming from your lower brain that does not want you to have change in your life that, that wants you to avoid having discomfort or making any effort or putting a hold on something pleasurable.
Remember, your brain is it's working well. If it tells you that it's not available to you, but I'm here to say you just get to talk back to your brain and say, yes, it is available to me, and I'm gonna figure out how it does require a shift, and I do wanna anchor it back to our faith mamas.
That God's love, he did not create you to live [00:28:00] constantly drained. He created you for an abundance of heart, for steadiness, for peace. That's not dependent on whether the house is clean or that the kids are cooperative. He created you to be a source of life, not a victim of it, but you cannot pour from an empty cup.
I know you've heard that again and again, and you can't give what you don't have. So how does serious self-care become natural to you? That's a great question. To ask your brain to go find answers, it becomes natural when it becomes your identity. I can honestly say that taking self care seriously is part of who I am.
'cause when you decide I'm a woman who tends to my mind. I am a woman who does not abandon herself when life gets hard. I'm a woman who [00:29:00] invests in support because I understand my worth. I'm a woman who models healthy boundaries for my children and those around me. I'm a woman who takes responsibility for her own wellbeing.
When you live from that place. The walks, the books, the sleep, the conversations, the coaching, the boundaries, they flow naturally. They're no longer something you try to earn after you've done enough for everyone else. They are part of how you live. They are expressions of who you are. And if you are listening to this and thinking, I see myself in that second list more than the first one.
First of all, nothing has gone wrong. You are part of a huge community. It just simply means that you've been surviving and survival mode is loud, it's urgent, it's [00:30:00] demanding, but peaceful living is intentional. It's quiet, it's steady, and all it takes is a new decision. The decision that your wellbeing matters, not just a little bit, not just when everyone else is taken care of, but always no matter what's going on in your life, no matter what stage of motherhood, no matter how many children you have, no matter if you work outside the home or not, no matter what your bank account says, no matter what the scale says.
So here's what I want to invite you to do. Just pick one sign from the taking it serious list, just one. And again, if you didn't write it down. You can listen to it again. You can also download the transcript that it always comes with each podcast. Print it out. [00:31:00] But that one thing, maybe it's noticing your thoughts more.
Maybe it's feeling your feelings instead of numbing them. Maybe it's saying no to one thing you don't wanna do. Maybe it's asking for help with something. Maybe it's making one decision from calm instead of exhaustion. Just one. Just see how it feels. Notice what changes, because here's what I know to be true.
Small, consistent actions compound. One week of taking responsibility for your thoughts leads to a month of it. One month leads to a year. One year leads to a transform life. And I even wanna just say it doesn't even have to take that long. You don't have to overhaul everything at once. You can grab my 10% philosophy, right?
A little 10% change. But you do have to start. And with all of these episodes, it's one thing to hear me, it's one thing to [00:32:00] consume me. It is a whole nother level to take action on it. And remember, serious self-care isn't selfish. It's sacred. You are not taking care of yourself so that you can do more.
You're taking care of yourself because you matter, because your wellbeing has inherent value and because God delights in a flourishing life
and when you take care of yourself from that place, everyone around you benefits that you come in contact with. But that's not why you do it. You do it because you are worth it.
And that feels like such a strong place to end today, you do it because you are worth it.[00:33:00]
All right. Thank you for spending this time with me today. I'm so grateful you're here and always cheering you on as you move through this life. And if you want support in making a shift from surface self-care to serious self-care, I'd love to invite you to schedule a free peaceful Mom strategy call with me.
All right, everyone. Thank you for being here, and I look forward to you starting to take your wellbeing as seriously as you take everyone else's. Until next time, may peace be with you always. Thank you for listening to The Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step by scheduling a Peaceful Mom strategy.
call at daniellethienel.com You'll [00:34:00] also find the link in the show notes. It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey.
