Episode 286 Transcript
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 286 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind you need to be the best mom you are created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hello my beautiful friends and welcome back to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. I'm Danielle, and today feels extra special because I have something incredible to celebrate with you. This week marks five years of the Peaceful Mind [00:01:00] Podcast. Five years of showing up every single Tuesday, delivering an episode to you week after week.
Right now, that's 286 episodes of conversations about creating more joy and peace in motherhood, and I have to tell you, I am so incredibly proud of this body of work. When I first started, all I knew was that I had learned some amazing perspectives and tools that helped me support myself better, create a motherhood with way less stress and overwhelm, and definitely more joy and peace and I really felt this deep calling to share these insights with as many moms as possible.
And honestly, the avenue of a podcast because I do love to talk way more than I love being like on camera or [00:02:00] creating the kind of visual content that social media seems to require, which I do that some. But I wanted podcasting to be my main way to be able to distribute my message to the masses.
Working with me privately, working with me, like that is the most incredible way. But I am only one person, right? Only a limited amount of time and energy, all that I teach you all here. And so really, podcasting felt like the perfect way to, to be able to reach a lot of people and to give out something for free and hopefully show you ways to add practical steps that make a difference in your life.
And also it gives me an avenue to invite you to take the work deeper and I would be amiss to not make that offer to [00:03:00] you because I'm so glad there was someone on the other end that had a way for to offer to me to learn all of this in a deeper level because it has tremendously blessed my life and my family's life.
Really in a priceless kind of way. More on those lines. I have to say that what I never expected was how much that this journey would give back to me. The messages from you, from the listeners telling me how an episode has helped you through a difficult day, or how a tool that I shared changed your perspective on a challenge you facing.
Those kind of connections have really filled my heart in ways I never imagined. In fact, I received two today on a podcast that came out a couple weeks ago, so that was really fun. So thank you. Thank you for giving me your precious time every week. Thank you to those of you who have reached out to share how this podcast has helped you.
And thank you for being a part of this incredible community [00:04:00] that we have built together. Because I see you as my friends. We don't know we might not know each other. I know that you're out there and I think of you as I am making these, so five years so exciting. I can't believe it. And speaking of kind of new things, new seasons, right?
I am about to enter one myself in just a few weeks. I'll be sending my youngest child off to college. Which means that all three of my children will be away at school after nearly two decades of active daily mothering. I'm crossing a bridge into what feels like a completely new season of life, and it doesn't just feel like it, it literally is.
So that is what brings me to today's topic. That is how to cross into new [00:05:00] seasons of life. And then I definitely want you to do it with more peace and confidence. And I know that I'm not alone in this particular transition. But if it, if you don't find yourself that you're right there at the transition of having all your kids go off to school there's another transition that some of you listeners might be going, or it's gonna approach even if it's, in a year or so.
Hopefully you can either remember this episode or come back to it, or just think about whatever transition you have going on. Life in general is full of seasons, right? As mothers, we experience so many different transitions throughout our journey, and that's what I want you to talk about and think about today.
Maybe you're in one of these seasons right now, just like I am. Maybe you're transitioning from trying to conceive to now you're pregnant, right? [00:06:00] Maybe you were in a season of pregnancy and now you are in brand new motherhood. Maybe you're moving from the baby phase to toddlerhood or maybe you're having, going from the transition from one child to navigating a life with multiple children.
Perhaps you're entering school years for the first time. Watching your little ones head off to kindergarten with a backpack that seems too big for their tiny shoulders. As I'm sitting there thinking about my son in his dinosaur backpack right now when he was three going off to preschool, or maybe you're in the thick of the elementary years, juggling school schedules, activities, and homework battles.
You could be stepping into the teenage years learning to parent a child who suddenly seems like a stranger, or like me navigating the college prep years and college years with all the stress and uncertainty [00:07:00] that our children have at that time. Maybe you're facing an empty nest. Maybe you're dealing with adult children who are struggling to launch themselves into life.
Or maybe you're even a transition, like you're about to be a grandparent or you are a grandparent or a new grandparent who, again, you're changing your role. And this is what I mean by transitions. So it's not just parenting transitions either. Let me definitely add that you might be going back to work after a time of being home.
Maybe you're leaving the workforce to then come home and be home more full-time. Perhaps you're ending a marriage or perhaps you're beginning a marriage or beginning or ending a relationship. Maybe you're dealing with aging parents, health challenges, career changes, financial shifts. [00:08:00] Again, every single one of these is a transition, and it can feel overwhelming, but every one of them involves leaving behind something familiar and stepping into something unknown.
And that's exactly why we need to talk about it, and we need to talk about how to do this with more peace and confidence instead of what may be coming up for you now, which is fear and resistance. And as I'm talking to you today, I am, I'm doing this episode for myself as well because I wanna reiterate to my mind and to my brain what is actually true.
And I for sure want to work from my place of power to create a transition with having all of my children go off to school with it being more peaceful and being more confident about how I'm going forward. Because if I don't, if we don't, then fear and [00:09:00] resistance it's just way too easy and naturally to go down that river.
So I want you to imagine that you are standing at the edge of a bridge. Think about hopefully I really gave you all kinds of examples of transitions, but pick one right now that most related to you and your life and your stage. When I bring up this kind of metaphor for you to think, I want you to imagine that you're standing at the edge of a bridge, and behind you is the season that you have been living in.
It was for a few months. Maybe it was for years, right? Like it's familiar territory. So for me, this is having children like literally every day at home in my house, right? That is familiar territory. I know the rhythms, I know the challenges. I know the joys that comes with that. [00:10:00] And even if it hasn't been perfect, right, I feel like a certainty. I feel like it's known, right?
It's familiar now on this bridge ahead of you, you are being led to a new season, like on the other side of the bridge, right? Beyond it, like that kind of new season. We only have a general idea, but it's definitely less clear than when we look back.
One that we're looking towards. Its new territory, and I want to happily remind you that with new territory comes new possibilities and yes, new challenges. I want you to say, I want you to think about how it has new opportunities like that, has a, such a positive connotation to it. And yes, it will bring up new issues to address [00:11:00] new kind of obstacles for your mind to work through.
And I also want to just reiterate, there is so much growth awaiting you, which may not be a positive thing when you hear that. For some it will be. There's definitely more joy ahead of you, but the problem is that most of us, we get stuck on that bridge, like we're no longer fully in the old season, but we're not embracing the new one either.
We're in this kind of uncomfortable in between space, looking backward, like with nostalgia, and in a lot of cases we're looking back with regret. Then we're looking forward with some anxiety and uncertainty, but today I want to help you cross it. I want to help you cross the bridge and I want to do so in a way where you are gonna have more [00:12:00] intentionality about it.
Definitely some more grace to yourself and excitement for possibilities for what's ahead. And the first step in crossing into a new season with peace is deciding what to take with you and what to leave behind. So we have decisions to make here. I want you to think about it like packing for a journey.
I'm actually, I need to pack myself for an upcoming trip. And so this is why this is coming to my mind, right? I can't take everything. And it's so fascinating to me to watch my brain want to take everything, right? What's coming to mind for me is oh, you're gonna take your hair dryer and your curling iron and your straightener, right?
But you shouldn't want to take everything with you. So from your current or your past season, what are the [00:13:00] treasures you want to take with you carry forward? Just like in packing, it's what are those essentials? What are the things that you imagine in the future that like when you're on your trip, that you'll be like, oh, I'm so glad I brought this, or This makes me happy, or I feel good when I'm wearing this.
That kind of thing. So what are the treasures you want to carry forward? Maybe it's the confidence you gain from surviving those sleepless newborn nights. Maybe it's the patience you developed during the toddler tantrums. Perhaps it's the organizational skills that you built managing like multiple school schedules, right?
I feel like I was a wizard sometimes with that, or maybe like how you were such an advocate for your child when you learned like fighting for their needs. What about the relationships that deepened you during or [00:14:00] strengthened during that season? What are the parts of you that you discovered?
From that season, maybe the strengths you didn't know you had. And yes, you can think back of the things you didn't like about that season or how you showed up for it. And guess what? That is what we wanna leave behind. But those strengths that you didn't know you had, we want to take those into our next.
We want to pack those carefully in our heart and carry them with you over the bridge. And then the rest, like the guilt about not being perfect. Maybe you were in a season where you compared yourself a lot to other moms. Maybe you had a lot of fear that you weren't doing enough or being enough. Maybe there's some resentment about the sacrifices that you made.
The stories you told yourself about what you should have done differently. You know where that regret comes in. [00:15:00] I want you to leave those. Leave those at the edge of the bridge. They won't serve you in your new season. They're not treasures. They will only be burdens to carry, and you get to choose not to carry them forward.
If nothing else, let me give you permission today and remind. Remind you that nothing from our past needs to influence our future season, but just choose not to carry them forward. That choice is yours, but I so much more wanna talk about what's ahead. Okay? So instead of focusing on what you're losing or leaving behind, I want you to get curious about what's becoming possible for you in the next season.
So if you are going to be sending kids to school for the first time, what now becomes [00:16:00] available in those hours? If you're entering the teenage years, which in my case I'm, I still have my foot in the door. I have a child who will be a teenager for a couple more years. But there's definitely a part of me that feels like I am got through them.
Like how might your relationship with your child deepen as they exude more of their independence and become more of that, working towards that adult person, more of an individual. I think that's what I was trying to think of. So if you are somebody listening to this and you're facing an empty nest, what dreams might you now dust off and pursue?
So here's what I'm personally getting excited about as I enter this new season, which I know a lot of people are calling would call empty nest. I probably will too, just for the ease of it, but in my mind, like when you have kids in school, like they still come home on [00:17:00] breaks and holidays and they technically live, with you.
And a lot of, the bills are still our responsibility kind of thing. But, I still, with them not being here like the 24 7 that I'm used, I will get to discover who I am outside of actively daily mothering. I definitely will get to travel with my husband without coordinating babysitters.
I've done that for a while now, but I'll get to make dinner decisions based on what we want to eat. Not that we'll, be thinking about all the different humans' interests and dislikes I'll get to pursue projects that have been on the back burner for years. So tangible things in that regard.
Is that one of the great things is like the, not the cleaning up after. I'll have a clean house a lot more of the time which I [00:18:00] do love. But there is some organizing and clean out, especially of photographs and baby items and just things that they won't need anymore in a way that I can save digitally.
Like I'm looking, really looking forward to that. It doesn't mean I won't miss having my kids around. Thank goodness for FaceTime. I am like, that is just the most beautiful invention for me. But I will miss them and choose to be excited about what's next. And both of those feelings, I'm looking forward to being more comfortable knowing that they coexist.
And the thing is that the reality is they will be gone. And I want to lean into that reality and see all of the good things that come from that. So what possibilities are opening up in your next season? [00:19:00] Dream a little bit here. Get more clear about what is possible. If you were focusing on how this transition is only a good thing, what, what bubbles up for you?
What would you love to explore? What would you love to create? What would you love to experience? And then let's talk now about the obstacles that your mind is probably offering you. 'cause that's what happens when I tell my clients, let's dream. Let's, what? What would you love to happen? I do this because I wanna push you to creativity and get your visualization and just again, let that flow come of desires and wants and possibilities.
And then my next question is what I'm having to see what you, what then does your brain offer that wants to rob you of that beautiful scene that, that says, we are, we can't do that or that won't be good because our brains, like I have explained on this podcast [00:20:00] again and again, it is designed to keep us in status quo.
And when we're in a life transition, it's not status quo anymore. It's, you're stepping into change, you're stepping into difference, unknown and your brain, what feels safe to them is what's familiar not to them. What feels safe to your brain is the familiar. Change feels dangerous. It feels like it's literally a survival part of our brain, it literally feels like an emergency. It just doesn't like change, even when the change is really natural change, like some of these transitions I'm talking about today and even when change is like necessary, like it's happening, right? Your brain will still say danger, emergency. We gotta do everything we can to stop this from happening.
So here's some things like literally. Your mind might give you as an obstacle. It's telling [00:21:00] you it's gonna say something like, this new season will not be as good as what the last one was. What you're leaving behind. It'll say you don't know how to navigate what's coming right. And just keep you all in, keep you in confusion.
It'll say you should feel guilty for being excited about moving forward. Like you should feel guilty that you are not going to be around your kids all the time because, it'll probably say something mean 'cause good moms should want to be around their kids. And this is where I'm like, really?
Like all the time. What about that absence makes the heart grow fonder kind of thing. Your brain might say, what if you fail in this new role? It's not as joyful. It might say you're too old or you're too young, or, how about this one? You're too unprepared for this transition. Like it'll say something like, you should have been doing something that will not make it so [00:22:00] hard or painful.
Brains are so mean. I just wanna remind you again, it's trying to protect you. It's trying to keep you safe, but they're also very, brains are judgmental and they're mean. Okay, but here's what I want you to understand. I want you to understand that the thoughts that I just gave you as examples are, first and foremost, normal, expected.
Let's not be surprised that they would come. But what I want you to also know is what they are not, they may be normal, but they're not. Necessarily true or they're not necessarily helpful and your brain is just doing its job to keep you in this familiar territory. But the kind of solution, the antidote to these fearful thoughts is not to actually fight them or pretend they don't [00:23:00] exist.
I'm always telling my clients we're gonna be like, don't be surprised by them. Let's expect them. Let's welcome them in. Let's just tell them to just get into the backseat. Don't drive my car, just get in the backseat. And it's, the reason why we do that is because we want to acknowledge them. It's so normal.
I am gonna be so sad when my boy goes, I adore him. I love him so much. My heart could burst. It has been such a joy to like just have him these last couple years. He, I don't know, just even this last year, all this his senior year, all this time we got to spend together in activities doing, and I just love him so much.
So I literally am expecting to be sad. And I'm not gonna pretend that's not gonna happen, but I definitely know that I'm going to do all I can [00:24:00] to move through it. And acknowledging them is definitely, is definitely the way to do that. And then when that happens, we can also choose more empowering thoughts like right alongside them.
Like we don't have to get rid of the sad thoughts, but we can als it can be an and is what I'm saying. It'll literally, I always give the vision of the tides, like sometimes the tide will come in the Saturday, but then they'll go out. And then I'm excited, and then, oh, it just flows in and out.
So let me offer you some tools here for peace and confidence on these transitions for you in life. Okay. The first one is to to download it in some form or fashion. And I love writing, right? I have this pad that I give my clients that I send that to them, to their home so they can use to do what I call thought download, right?
What you're [00:25:00] feeling, get it out. But some of you will really relate to it being like just a journal. Creating a simple kind of practice around writing out about the transition. Maybe it's one thing you're grateful for from your current or past season. One thing you're looking forward to in the new season, and maybe one small step you can take today to help you prepare or embrace something in the new season.
It doesn't have to be huge, but I want you to find a way to, or it'll be helpful for you if you somehow keep connected to both the gratitude for where you've been and the excitement for where you're going. The second thing I can offer, like as a tool. Is instead of seeing the transition as losing who you were, I want you to see it as evolving who you are.
So I want you to keep your mind focused on evolving, [00:26:00] you're not becoming less, you're actually becoming more, right? So who you were in your last season, right? There's some qualities and strengths, but who are you becoming in the new season? What are you adding? What are you exploring? What are you developing?
So think about the transition as my evolution. You have this identity. You have this identity right now, but you want to, you wanna transition in your identity of yourself, right? I know we can say like I guess empty nesters, you can say like that. There's an there's an identity behind that, but you wanna get more clear on what you want to call or name your identity and add, like what does that version of you what, what do, what are they thinking and what are they feeling on a daily basis and what are they doing that when you think of that, you're like, yes, that's me.
I wanna be [00:27:00] that. You just, again, I've mentioned this before, you get to take forward everything that's valuable that you like about, like your past identity, but I also want you to think about what new dimensions, what are you adding to your identity in this next transition. How about having the right support?
I know I'm not alone in, especially the moms I became close with as my son was a senior and he was graduating. Like I know, like I have, we have a group text, group chat, text group. I don't know, what do we call those? And. I know that we are gonna be bopping in there and saying like, how we're feeling, how's it going?
And I know that like even a few weeks after they're off to college, we can still check in with each other. And that feels amazing that I have others that who are going through the kind of same thing and we can see what's working for you and see if that's something [00:28:00] maybe we'll be like who in your life is.
Is celebrating the, a transition they had or loving the change? And how can a conversation with them really open you up to what's possible? What new connections might you want to make as you are transitioning into your new season, preparing for it? Or if you're already made one and you're still struggling, what support system could you start building for yourself?
Because I want you to surround yourself with people who can hold space is what I do as a coach for both your grief, what you're mourning about leaving behind, and again, helping you keep that focus forward for your excitement about what's coming. So I don't wanna leave you without maybe planting the seeds of some possible thoughts that [00:29:00] may begin to work for you now.
Empowering thoughts that really will work for any transition that you would be in, any bridge you're crossing any new stage of life or motherhood that you're going to or just came to, or you're in the middle of. See which of these, not all of them are gonna hit. You see which one of these, when I say it, you're just like, yeah I do believe that because I want you to capture it.
I want you to write it down. I want you to practice it. Okay? So here's some thoughts that I want you to practice, and I do believe that these are the ones that will generate more peace and confidence as you are crossing your bridge. I am capable of learning and growing in any season of life. This transition is happening for me, not to me.
Love that one. I can honor what [00:30:00] I'm leaving behind while embracing what's ahead. Don't have to have it all figured out to take the next step. Okay? Again, favorite, this one. Remember, I'm learning and needing this reiteration to my own brain at this time in my life. I love it. I'm gonna repeat that one.
I don't have to have it all figured out to take the next step. All right. Every season of my life has prepared me for this moment. Does that one like land with you all? If you don't believe it, we'll just go onto the next one. But for some they might be like, yes, every season has prepared me for this moment.
I am exactly where I need to be in my journey. That one, we can prove true because just where you are is where we are. Okay. All right. And the last one, change is how I grow into the fullest [00:31:00] version of myself. Y'all, as humans, we're like, we can't really stop our growth. It's like what we're here to do.
So change is how you grow into the fullest version of myself. So finally, I want to get a little practical, right, I just wanna give you like a simple. Framework, a simple framework that you can follow in like steps in general. Again, I'm trying to think and honor all of you and think of not just my transition to kids out of the house and going on to college and going to adulthood, but I'm trying to speak to my broad audience, taking into consideration all of the different transitions that you might be going to.
And so that's how I've worked up this framework. Step one, I want you to honor the ending. [00:32:00] What this looks like is taking time to acknowledge what this past season has given you, right? Just how can you celebrate it in some form or fashion? Some simple, quiet reflection to be like, oh, 'cause there was a time in the, I got, again, pretty much getting through the teenage stage and I really am reminded by this step that there is so much to celebrate.
Good that happened in that season, and it just requires some simple, quiet reflection. The step two of the framework is to just embrace the in-between. This is where I want you to accept that with every kind of transition, like we crossing of the bridge, there is gonna be a period of adjustment. Where maybe you're not fully in the old one.
You're not in the new one yet, or you're definitely not [00:33:00] comfortable with this new one yet. It doesn't feel like it fits quite right yet, and I just want you to be patient with yourself during this time because the InBetween will eventually be gone and things will settle and it will feel more certain.
Step three is to set an intention for the new beginning. One of the exercises I do with my clients when they're, have something ahead of them, I'm always like, okay, let's go to the end of that. How at the end do you wanna look back and how do you wanna feel? What do you wanna have accomplished?
What, how do you wanna feel about everything that happened? And the same thing. I wanna be able to set an intention intention for myself. Like what do I wanna create or experience in this new season, right? I wanna find some concrete things to give me something to move towards. Like [00:34:00] time will be passing anyway.
The world will be spinning like whether I am wanting it to or not. Like it's. I, what am I gonna be moving towards? And that's that intention that I want you to set. And like in all things, step four is to just do something right, take some kind of small step, and then do it again and again so that there's, at least you can say, I'm consistently taking action.
We're not transforming overnight, but taking one small step at a time towards the life you wanna create in this new season. That is for sure gonna be helpful. And the last one, I'm reiterating to stay connected to your support. Keep talking to people who understand you. Keep getting the support through the transition.
Don't isolate yourself during this time of [00:35:00] change. You're not the only one that feels the things or has gone through it before. And again, like if you were to choose like a coach for your support, it just you don't have to I'm sure you will navigate it just. When you reach out for support or have somebody you, you get to tell your brain that I'm not going it alone.
It's gonna make it easier. You are going to have this this comfort that if the road gets rocky or you have a bad day or something, that you will then not have to worry that you'll have to navigate it alone. Alright everyone, so as I prepare to send my youngest to college and enter this new season, a new season of my life myself I am gonna make a commitment to you all here to model what I'm teaching.
I am choosing to focus on the [00:36:00] possibilities ahead rather than only what I am leaving behind or not getting to experience any longer. And I am gonna take with me all the beautiful parts of being like an active daily mother.
But oh boy, am I gonna be like, doing my best to focus on all the awesomeness is that I have the bandwidth and the focus to be more on myself and my marriage and what, like the independence of it all that this stage brings me. And I'm trusting. I'm trusting that this next season will be just as meaningful and beautiful as the one I'm leaving.
It will be. And I want to offer you that thought. You can believe it today yourself. Borrow it from me. That whatever next season you're stepping into or transitioning you make, it can be just as meaningful and [00:37:00] beautiful as the one you're leaving. It'll just look differently. That's all.
All right, beautiful friends, wherever you are in your own transition, I want you to remember this. You were made for growth. We really like that is a focus here. While we're here on earth, you were made to evolve, to change, to step into new seasons, and we can do that with grace and confidence and you can leave behind, right?
What has happened. It really has perfectly led you to where you are and to handle what's ahead. You have everything you need already, right? To not just survive I just don't want you to get through it. Your new season, it. It's not like you're losing something. It's a gift full of possibilities, and they're ones that your brain just maybe hasn't been able to get to imagination mode very much yet.
So maybe this week, right? I want you to choose what's [00:38:00] one small way you can honor your transition. Maybe it's that journal we talked about. Maybe it's having a conversation with somebody else who's done it before or going through it and. Do this one for me. Take five minutes to just dream and imagine and get creative about what it could be for you if you're thinking, if it's gonna be magical, if it's gonna be wonderful.
And we're, this wasn't like a total focus that I've mentioned today, but we wanna for sure know that whatever this new season is, Christ will be there with us. He wants us to call on him now to pray for it, to be guided by him and for it to be a good experience. And just know that whatever you're met with he will be there throughout.
Okay. And that's what I have for you this week, listeners. And again, at the [00:39:00] beginning. I thank you for letting me celebrate five years of this podcast. I am just reveling it. I'm thinking about that past me, who was just starting. I'm thinking about her who just didn't know that. We would have a consistent every single week for five years.
It really it's such an honor that you allow my words and to hear me each week. And so I thank you. I thank you for trusting me to walk alongside you in your motherhood as we navigate the ever beautiful, challenging, changing journey of motherhood and life. Okay. For everyone again, thank you for listening.
That's what I have for you this week. I will be back again next week with another episode, and until then, may peace be with you always.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, [00:40:00] I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools to create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the Catholic faith like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women or a self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course divine time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com [00:41:00] or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, the Cyclone Mom Method: How To Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethinel.com/new-book.
You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
