Episode 287 Transcript
===
[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 287 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom you are created by God to be. If you wanna bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started. Hi there everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here. And I'm diving straight in something that you, that I might make you feel a little uncomfortable at first when you hear this, but I promise you it is the key to everything you want.[00:01:00]
It was only been a few weeks since I had a similar episode called breaking Free from Self Pity. There'll be a little bit of the same currency in this episode, but it was really born out of recent clients that I had, and I found myself just thinking like, you are just giving all of your power away.
You just don't know that you'll be waiting a long time to get the change you want because you are putting the focus on. Others and what they should be doing differently. And so I kept thinking this thought like what really would make the difference is if you pivoted to radical responsibility.
And so that's how this episode, I'm like, I'm just going to focus it coming from this angle. And sometimes we just need to hear the same subject but in a different way. So that's what I'm doing here today, right? We [00:02:00] are gonna be taking radical responsibility for your peace.
Please don't roll your eyes on the other end or think that what you're about to hear is blaming ourselves for everything that goes wrong. Just stick with me. This isn't about self blame. Anything I offer you here, it never is. It is always about regaining your peace and having peace of mind. It's literally about self-empowerment because here's the truth.
I'm a little bit on my what do you call that? I'm a little bit on my high horse. Is that the phrase that's coming to my mind? It's not right. And you all are probably thinking right now what the right thing. I guess I'm just, I'm pumped up.
That until you take radical responsibility for your own peace, you will continue to find yourself stuck in blame, stewing, and resentment, [00:03:00] and feeling like life is happening to you instead of for you. You will keep waiting for other people to change, for circumstances, to improve, for someone else to make things fair, and you'll keep waiting. So I want to cut through all of that.
I want this episode is, it's gonna be focused, it's going to be direct, and I've designed it to give you the one shift that changes everything else. So what do I mean by radical responsibility? What it doesn't mean is that everything is your fault. It just means everything is your responsibility to handle and there is a huge difference.
Like you're not responsible for your partner leaving their dishes in the sink, but you are responsible for how you respond to it. You're not responsible for your teenager's attitude, but you are responsible for how you let it [00:04:00] affect your peace. You're not responsible for your mother-in-law's critical comments.
My clients who I've coached recently will know why this one kind of came up as an example, but you are responsible for what you make those comments mean about you. Radical responsibility means accepting that you are 100% responsible for your own emotional experience, for your thoughts, for your reactions, and your peace, regardless of what anyone else does or doesn't do.
So let me give you some examples of what it looks like when you are not taking radical responsibility. In our marriage, that would be something like, I can't be happy until he starts helping more around the house. If she would just appreciate what I do, I wouldn't feel so resentful. [00:05:00] He makes me so angry when he doesn't listen to me.
Okay, so where this might show up with your kids. My kids are stressing me out with their behavior. I can't relax until they get their act together. They're ruining our family time with their attitudes. This is how it might show up with extended family. My mother-in-law makes me feel terrible about my parenting.
I dread family gatherings because of how they treat me. They always make me feel like I'm not good enough. This is how it shows up in your friendships perhaps. She hurt my feelings by not inviting me. I'm upset because she never reaches out first. They make me feel left out of the group.
And then here's where it may show up like at work. My boss is making my job miserable. I can't do good work with all this chaos around me. They [00:06:00] don't respect my time, so I'm always stressed. Boy, that last one, those, that was surely me when I had worked outside the home early in my motherhood. But do you hear the pattern here in this way of thinking and believing?
And then I know that a lot of times this is just not in your head. We voice this outside of ourselves. So in every single example, your peace is contingent on someone else changing. And that, my friends, is why peace feels so elusive to you. Because when you make other people responsible for your peace, here's what happens.
You become a victim of everyone else's choices. Your emotional state then depends on whether your partner remembered to take out the trash or whether your kids are in good moods, or whether your friend texted you back quickly enough. Like you [00:07:00] spend enormous amounts of mental energy trying to control other people.
And this was me too. Like I remember this version of me who didn't take radical responsibility, and this is how I operated on a daily basis. But again, when I think back to when that happens, that was also one of the most miserable times of my life.
You're constantly strata strategizing, like, how can I get them to behave differently? How can I get them to communicate better? How can get them treat me the way I want to be treated? In this mindset, you stay stuck in blame and resentment because there's always someone else to point to as the reason why you're not happy or not peaceful.
In that case, we don't get a chance to develop our own emotional resilience because we're always waiting for this external [00:08:00] condition to change, and most importantly, then we don't experience true peace because true peace can only come from within. It's an internal job. And then what am I offering you today that changes when you take radical responsibility for your life and for your peace?
The answer is everything. When you take radical responsibility for your peace, you stop being at the mercy of everyone else's behavior. You realize that your emotional experience is created by your thoughts about what's happening, not by what's actually happening. I. So your partner can leave dishes in the sink and you can choose to think, yeah, this is annoying, but it doesn't define our relationship or my worth as a person, your teenager can have an attitude and you can choose to think this is normal [00:09:00] teenage behavior.
It has nothing to do with my parenting abilities. Your mother-in-law can make those critical comments and you can choose to think this is more about her than it does about me. You can be left off of an invite list and you can choose to think about your friend. She probably had a reason that has nothing to do with our friendship.
Notice that in this, these last few things that I've said. I said, choose to think this isn't about pretending that these things don't matter or that you shouldn't have feelings about them. It's simply about recognizing that you do have a choice in how you interpret and respond to everything that happens in your life.
So this is what I'm offering today in just like practical actions. If [00:10:00] you have, if you realized. That this is might be happening to you, that you haven't felt peaceful in a while. You think you don't have peace of mind right now. Is it because you're in blame? Is it because you're waiting for other people to change their behaviors?
And if so, would you want to take my invitation today to offer you to open up your life to radical responsibility? If so, then this is what I'm offering or ways you can do that. First is just to notice your victim stories. Like start paying attention to those thoughts that begin with they make me, or I can't be happy until or if only they would.
These are signs that you are just for sure giving your power away, okay? And I want you to acknowledge your choice in every situation. What this looks like is ask yourself [00:11:00] what part of this is within my control? Usually it's your thoughts, it's your feelings about it. It's your responses, your actions.
That's where I want you to put your focus on the things you have control over, and then we just rewrite that story. Did you even know this was an option? First we have to recognize that these are just the stories that we're choosing, but we can rewrite it. So instead of, my husband makes me angry, try, I'm choosing to feel angry about my husband's behavior.
Do you see the difference I'm choosing to feel. About my husband's behavior like that does have a sense of empowerment. Where the first one, my husband, makes me angry. That brings us totally right into making ourselves a victim. And I am inviting you today to take your power [00:12:00] back.
And the way we do that is we ask ourselves, how do I want to respond to this from a place of peace and strength? Then do that regardless of what the other person does. Alright, so I know that this will bubble up. I know that when I offer this, that the response from my clients, and maybe in your head right now is something around what if the other person is actually wrong?
And I want you to say they might be. Being right doesn't create peace. Taking responsibility for our response does. You might be thinking, isn't this just letting people walk all over me? I. And I wanna say no. You can still set boundaries, have difficult conversations and make changes, but [00:13:00] you do it from a place of personal power, not victimhood.
Again, you will choose to do that and you will own your results. Maybe you're thinking, this feels like now I'm blaming myself for everything. And I want you to see that self blame. I. Will keep you stuck. It will create shame inside of you that will be your internal feeling, not peace, but self responsibility will empower you to create change.
And there will be a sense of peace when you tap into self responsibility. And then there might be an a kind of objection in your brain that. Now, what if this situation is actually serious? I wanna offer that radical responsibility is even more important for you to use in serious situations because it's the only way that you'll be able to [00:14:00] respond in an effective way instead of going into react reactivity being reactive, okay?
It's gonna be uncomfortable. It really is to not act how you usually do to take the safe thing to not, I don't know, ruffle the feathers or, that kind of thing. It will be uncomfortable, but I'm never wanting my. Clients to step away from discomfort because it's worth it on the other side, like taking res radical responsibility, it, yes, it may be uncomfortable at first because it means you're giving up something safe, that story, right?
And we feel, our brain feels that it would be so much easier if that other person was just the reason and we didn't have to put any kind of effort into doing it for ourselves. Like that story [00:15:00] might feel awful, but that familiarity is what your brain wants and I want you to take responsibility for your happiness.
And here's what's on the other side of that discomfort. I call this the I explain that any kind of change that we want to take place will require what I call the hallway of discomfort or the corridor of discomfort, but it's. You wanna keep your eye on the end result that you're after. And what you get with radical responsibility is freedom, true lasting freedom from being controlled by other people's choices.
Peace that doesn't depend on external circumstances, y'all. This is why I want you to have peace and [00:16:00] joy and balance in your life, and then this is the important part no matter what is going on in your life, that's that not depending on external circumstances, relationships. We'll improve because you're no longer trying to control everyone else really.
No. None of us like to feel like we're being controlled. And mental energy that was previously spent on blaming and resentment now is made available. It's made available for you to focus on creating the things that you want to create, not focused on the things that you don't like, that you wish weren't happening.
The ability to model this emotional resilience for your children. Taking ownership responsibility, like that's what we want them to do. And one of the things on the other side of this discomfort that it'll take as [00:17:00] you become someone who is radically responsible for life is self-respect. It will come from knowing that you can handle whatever life brings you.
So the bottom line, here's what I'm pumped up today that I want you to understand. That every single thing, you want more peace, better relationships, less stress, greater joy, none of it will happen consistently until you take radical responsibility for your own emotional experience. You can learn every tool, read every book, and listen to every podcast episode, but if you are still waiting for other people to change so that you can be happy, you'll be stuck.
And this is the foundation that everything else is built on. This is the key that unlocks every other door for you. So my beautiful listeners. I know this message might feel [00:18:00] challenging. I know it's easier to blame circumstances and other people for our lack of peace. But easy doesn't lead to the life you want, and what I'm asking you to do is hard.
I'm asking you to give up victim stories that might feel justified. I'm asking you to stop waiting for other people to make you happy. I'm asking you to take full ownership of your mental and emotional wellbeing, but I'm also offering you something incredible in return, and that is true lasting peace that no one can take away from you.
So this week, could we just start with a simple step? Can you catch yourself in one victim story? Maybe just one notice when you're making someone else responsible for how you feel. Then ask yourself, how can I take my power back in this particular situation? Just start there. Start with one story, [00:19:00] one situation, one choice to respond from responsibility instead of reacting.
Your peace. All I want from you, right? The Peaceful Mind Podcast, it's to be able to invite you week after week to ways to have more peace of mind. It's too important to leave in someone else's hands. Take it back. It's yours and it's waiting for you. And as always, this is what I help you do inside of my coaching program.
So if it sounds like something that you don't wanna try and go at alone, then please sign up for a free call with me and I'd love to talk about and make a plan for you to be someone who opens up to radical responsibility. And I have the steps of how to do that. All right, everyone. Thank you again for listening to the Peaceful Mind [00:20:00] Podcast.
I'll see you next week for another episode. Until then, keep choosing peace. And remember, I'm always thinking about you and wishing. For peace to be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review.
It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools. To create peace of mind in your busy mom life. And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women, or a [00:21:00] self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program or delve into my signature course. Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcaoching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, the Cyclone Mom Method: How to Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book.
You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you [00:22:00] always.
