Episode 288 Transcript
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 288 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom you are created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach and Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hello my friends. Thank you so much for joining me on the podcast today. Before I get into the topic at hand, I just want to give a reminder to everyone that you can go to my website. From there, find more information on the [00:01:00] resources and products that I have available to you to help you in your busy mom life.
I have an array of things that are free. Things that are very low cost, but high impact and effective to your motherhood. And I have among those are guides, there are courses, I have books. I have a devotional and I just wanted to bring that to your attention today. You can find me on Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching.
You can go to my website, daniellethienel.com. Now I try and keep the website a little bit, clean. But when you, if you will scroll down to the bottom, there is a page called resources and there you can click on and find those kind of guides and low cost [00:02:00] items and access to some courses and some different like products that I've made before.
And then at the top you'll see that one of the the options are my books. So you'll be able to click on and find, there's digital versions that come with audio bonuses, and then there's where you can get the paper back version as well. So if anyone ever has any questions, again, because yes, you can work with me privately, one-on-one.
And I have a group life coaching program too that is often a perfect fit. It's just depends on what you're looking. And then I have an array of these other kind of options, so you can always reach out to me by email. That is either [email protected]. That's probably where I'll direct you. And/or DM on Instagram.
And then also there's always, you can see that on my website, an option to sign [00:03:00] up for a free call to meet with me. I do have certain amount of slots that I keep open and available so that I can meet with people, answer questions. I love to be able to give you like a sample of what it's like to coach with me and, the ones that do come to those calls, they're, you will always leave with something that is of value to you and your motherhood. And yes, I just wanna give a little reminder at the top here that those things are available for you besides this podcast. But I'm so glad you're here. And this is my focus today is for you to the subject I'm actually going to supply you with one of the actual tools that I call upon and that I teach and that I know a hundred percent will help moms enjoy their motherhood [00:04:00] more, have more peace around our busy mom lives, and that is called Bridge Thoughts.
That's the tool that I want you to feel like you are adding to your mom tool belt today, so that when you come up with. Some challenges in your motherhood. This is something I want you to say oh yeah, maybe this could use the bridge thought today. All right, so let's, I'm just gonna put my teacher hat on a little bit because I want you to have, this is such a powerful tool for creating more peace and freedom in your daily life, and I want to say what they are, what bridge thoughts are.
I wanna tell you why they work and really exactly how to use them so that you can move yourself from feeling stuck in negativity to experiencing, again, more balance, more peace, more joy in your motherhood. [00:05:00] So think of me as your coach today and actually think of me as your coach every time you're listening to the podcast, and you as my student. My client.
By the end of this episode, you could, I hope you can walk away and use this tool immediately. And especially anytime you're finding yourself spiraling, maybe in negative emotions, maybe you're feeling trapped, you've got overwhelm going on in your life, so maybe some of you will wanna grab a notebook.
And again, my for this episode. I'm keeping my focus that I want you to really walk away today with something you will actually then use and put into action. Where I'm gonna start is I'm gonna start addressing something that I hear all the time, especially when people first are learning what I have to share about how coaching.
And the tools [00:06:00] like, how they will really be effective for your life, and that is that your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings drive your actions and your actions create results. As soon as somebody really gets to the root, which is your thoughts, that the beginning are really your what creates your experience and results in your life, then they immediately jump to oh, okay so all I need to do is just think positive thoughts all the time.
Wrong. Okay, and here, why? Here's why that doesn't work. If you're feeling frustrated, let's say with your kids, and you try and jump straight to this is fine. I just love being a mom in this situation. Everything's wonderful, right?
Your brain will reject that line of thinking completely, and the reason why is because it's too big of a leap. [00:07:00] From where you actually are and what you're truly believing is true about your life. It's like you're trying to jump across a huge canyon. You're just not going to make it, and you'll probably fall and you'll feel then worse than when you started because you'll be looking at this big gap or seeing it how you can't do it or how it's a failure.
This is where bridge thoughts come in. So what I'm asking you is that instead of trying to leap across the canyon, we're going to build a bridge one step at a time. Okay? So digging in more to what are actually bridge thoughts. A bridge thought is a thought, which is, and all thoughts are sentences in your mind.
Sentences that run through your head. A bridge thought is a thought that moves you one [00:08:00] step up the emotional ladder from where you currently are. It is not the most positive thought you could jump to. You could think it's just a slightly better thought than the one you're having right now. So think of it like this.
If you are feeling angry, you don't try to jump straight to joy, right? That's jump trying to jump over a huge canyon. You might bridge yourself from angry to frustrated. Okay? And just that little difference that tick up the emotional ladder to a more positive feeling like angry, like frustrated, will serve you more than angry.
If you're feeling hopeless, you don't just try to jump to optimistic. You might [00:09:00] bridge to uncertain, right? And so some people can look like, oh, uncertain is a negative thing, but uncertain is way better than hopeless. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, you don't just try to jump to calm.
This is what I see a lot, right? That's when moms are like, I'm so overwhelmed. I just want some peace, some calm and all of this stuff that's going on. Let's just bridge to a feeling of manageable, from overwhelmed to manageable. Okay. So the goal isn't to feel amazing immediately.
The goal is to feel just a little bit better, which gives you access to slightly better thoughts, which then gives you access to slightly be better, slightly better feelings, and then so on and so on. Because then if you're feeling slightly better than the actions that you take [00:10:00] will actually make more of a difference towards progress to the results you want.
And here's what happens in your brain when you use bridge thoughts. Instead of creating resistance by trying to believe something that feels completely untrue, you're actually offering your mind a thought that feels, and you're open to, and something a little bit more possible, like not perfect. But possible so when your brain can accept, that's what we're looking for.
We're wanting to find something. It's not rejecting. We're wanting it to accept it as something that ha feels a little bit more true to you. It actually stops fighting you, and when your brain stops fighting you, you can relax just a little bit. And when you relax, that's when you have access to better thoughts naturally.
Your [00:11:00] problem solving capabilities. Just the door the gates just open, flood open, right? Just more naturally. So it's like we turn down the volume on your negative emotions instead of trying to change the channel completely. When I give you this example, I think about right now when we're watching a movie, or right now we have some things when we stream like it, it's with ads, right?
And like you're watching the movie and you've got your volume set to the right thing. And then when the commercial comes, it's so loud, right? But I wanna watch and finish the movie. So I don't wanna change the channel, but while the commercial's on, I just turn down the volume. And so hopefully that is a little bit of what I'm asking you to do on your negative emotions.
It's oh, okay. I'm finding myself here. I'm finding myself in this negative emotion is the same thing of okay, it's commercial time, right? [00:12:00] Like it's not like it's great, but I'm not gonna turn it off completely. I'm just gonna turn the volume down. So there are several phrases, right? Because that's what thoughts are.
They're sentences and phrases that run through your head when I speak about. Your thinking and bridge thoughts we're really just coming up with sentences. Sentences that we're thinking in our brain, and there are several phrases that can help you to be somebody who creates bridge thoughts.
These are like, like putting like a little training wheel on for you to start, like getting the feel for what. It is like to be in a place where your brain is just stuck on something or spinning or ruminating, or you're just really focused on something that it just, you don't like it, it's feeling bad.
And so here's where I'm offering you to pick up the tool of using a bridge [00:13:00] thought.
That's why it's like we wanna start just one tick up the, emotional ladder. So that's why it's like we're putting training wheels. We're not gonna go zooming fast. And what these phrases will do. And then I say they're phrases, but again, these are actual bridge thoughts. We're taking a step over the bridge is that they will soften whatever you're currently thinking right now that's, heavy and not helpful, not serving you and keeping you stuck, and it'll make you like easier move up the emotional ladder.
Okay, so these are, and I teach this to all of my clients. Here's a few that take a thought and just again, lighten it up a little bit. And that is adding the phrase I am learning to right in front of something. So let me give you an example. So instead [00:14:00] of, I am a terrible mother. A bridge thought would be, which because by the way, when you think I'm a terrible mother, how does that feel?
It feels defeating. Okay. And a bridge thought, adding this quote, magic phrase onto it. So instead you'll say something like, I am learning to be the mother I want to be. Okay, so you've taken that one phrase and you've, or that one thought that's not helpful. I'm a terrible mother and adding, I'm learning to, to make a thought, make you feel a little bit better.
You're like, I'm not there yet. I don't like, either how I'm acting or how I'm showing up, or whatever that is. But I'm learning to be the mother I want to be. So instead of, I never have any patience, a [00:15:00] bridge thought could be, I'm learning to have more patience with my kids. And this one I'm learning to really like feels true to my clients because if you are in my program or coaching with me, you are in fact like that is like already done and checked off that you're learning. That you, all the things that you're struggling with or the challenges that you bring me and as your coach, like just you showing up and opening yourself to all that, I have to give and share and help you with you.
That is where one of the bridge thoughts is okay, so right now I yell a lot. But when I feel that, when I say that it sounds terrible, but if you are in my program, you for sure can say I'm learning to not yell as much. Okay. So that was the first phrase. The second is to add the phrase, it's possible that.
Okay, so instead of my teenager [00:16:00] hates me a bridge thought would be, it's possible that my teenager is just going through a difficult phase. Okay. So instead of, I will never figure this out, which is again, so not a helpful or serving thought for you to be thinking in your motherhood. A bridge thought would be, it's possible that I will figure this out in with time, or eventually.
It's possible. So notice how we're not like, I'll never figure this out. We're not like going to oh yes. I will, I'll get this right now. I'll just do it right now. Like we're, no it's possible. I'm gonna figure this out with a little bit of time. Okay. The next phrase I want you to think about, to make something, a bridge thought is it's okay, right?
This is just golden. I shouldn't feel this frustrated. There's all [00:17:00] this, especially on these shoulds that we do as moms. I shouldn't feel this frustrated, but it's like you wanna bridge to, it's okay that I feel frustrated right now, or I'm frustrated and that's okay. Do you see how 'cause the truth is that we're human and humans get frustrated sometimes.
And you that it's okay adds that humanness that again, not perfect. We're learning, we're growing, we mess up, we make mistakes. Or like when we don't feel, our goal shouldn't be to feel good all the time. We will have discomfort in this life. And yeah, when we are feeling it, we wanna tell ourselves it's okay.
Because when we say we shouldn't be, we're saying that how I'm feeling is wrong. And how does that feel Everyone? Terrible. But we want to [00:18:00] always be moving towards more positive thoughts because the truth is positive thoughts will you yield you positive results in your life? And that's what these bridge thought this tool is offering you today is that we can't just jump to these really, positive thoughts. Sometimes we're in a place we can't get there. So that's where the tool of coming up with a bridge thought will be helpful. How about instead of I'm failing at everything, this is an example where we say, it's okay that I'm struggling. This is a part of learning, right? Human struggle.
And I'm a human, so it's okay. The last phrase that is like. Really there that I think is magic. When it comes to finding bridge thoughts is adding yet, right? This day is completely ruined. But a bridge thought would be this morning was [00:19:00] challenging and yet the afternoon could be different.
I'm so behind on everything. That feels horrible, but a bridge thought I'm behind on some things and yet I can start fresh right now. It's like it's the, again, I'm at this place, it's at where I don't want to be, but you word it where you're like you mention where you wanna be and you're like I'm just not there yet.
Because when you really think I'm not at the place I wanna be again, that feels terrible. But when you're like, I'm not there yet, it opens up your brain to say a little bit more thinking of, yeah. And I'm on my way. All right. So let me give you some con concrete examples of how this would work, like in real motherhood moments.
So let's say your toddler's been having meltdowns all day. You've been thinking, [00:20:00] I can't handle this. I'm gonna lose my mind, and you're feeling overwhelmed and desperate. A bridge thought would be, this is hard right now, and yet to, toddler phases don't last forever. Do you see how that is, like you, we all do believe that, right?
We know that in our bones that the toddler phase doesn't last forever. And then when you think that new thought it's still like you're still challenged, right? When you say, this is hard right now, but you more grounded, whereas overwhelmed and desperate, that just has you Right. Spinning and that just feels chaotic and heavy and pressured and just depleting, right?
But yeah, when you're like, yeah, this is hard right now, and yet this phase won't last forever. All right. Here's scenario number two. Let's say you snap to your kids. Let's say it's in the morning before school, and your original thought is I'm such a bad mom. I've ruined [00:21:00] their whole day. And you feel guilt and shame.
But a bridge thought would be, I'm learning to manage my morning stress better, and then. The new feeling is you're still disappointed, but there's a little bit of hopeful when you're going like, okay, like I can learn from this. What happened this morning? How could I like, do it differently in a way?
What is it that I need? And then you can tell yourself, yeah I'm working on it. I'm gonna learn to manage my morning stress better and. That feels disappointed, but I'm telling you, I will take you. Mama's feeling disappointed over guilt or shame any day. Any day because guilt and shame guilt, it is just, there's zero upside to it in your life.
Zero. It doesn't serve you in one way. But yeah, disappointment is [00:22:00] totally a natural human feeling to have. Scenario number three. Let's say your house is a disaster, or at least you're making it mean it's a disaster. And then all of a sudden you find out people are coming over. So we could think, oh, everyone will think I'm a slob who can't keep it together.
And when you think that thought, it makes you feel embarrassed, maybe panicked. But a bridge thought would be something like it's possible that people care more about spending time with us than about our house being perfect. And this will bring you that it's possible kind of phrase onto it will bring it like you still could have some concern about it, but it will come in a less frantic way from, you go from embarrassed to panic when you think, oh my gosh.
Everybody is definitely gonna think I'm a slob to like maybe not. It's possible that they're like, excited to come see me or see us. And that will give you a less frantic [00:23:00] feeling. All right. Let's say your teenager rolled their eyes and slammed their door, and your original thought is I've raised a disrespectful brat.
And when you think that you feel angry again, defeated. But when you use the tool of coming up with a bridge thought again, we would just wanna find something else that feels slightly better. That would be something like, yeah, this behavior is frustrating, and yet it doesn't define who my child is. And then that new feeling might be that you're still annoyed, right?
But you're not devastated. And again, the going from the angry and defeated to annoyed is so beneficial to regaining your peace or making you sure on your way to regaining your peace. So the way I am offering for you to [00:24:00] practice this is that more often I want all of you to become someone who puts more deliberate action on noticing how you're feeling on a regular basis, right?
Just notice, like we don't need to change it immediately, but this is steps when you're wanting to put bridge thoughts into practice. Just notice, I'm feeling really frustrated right now. And so this is when once you have that feeling right, once you notice your feeling, you can gently ask yourself the question, what am I thinking that is making me feel this way?
Because your thoughts create your feelings. And so that could be something in this scenario, you could think, I'm thinking that my kids never listen to me. [00:25:00] Okay, so you're feeling frustrated and the, that frustration in your body is coming from this thought. I'm thinking my kids will never listen to me.
Then you ask yourself, what would be one step up from this feeling like you're or one step up from that thought and either way, this is, gonna help you with bridge thoughts. Remember? You're not looking for the complete opposite. My kids always listen to me, right? Because you don't believe that.
Or they will always listen to me from now on or something. You're looking for a slightly better version. So it could be something like, my kids sometimes struggle to listen when they're upset, right? So try on that. Thought I always say we try on thoughts as I want you to think about going into the dressing room at the store and you've got I don't know, 10 shirts or pants or clothes in there [00:26:00] and how you're just trying one on and you're like yep.
Love this. This is awesome. Love it. And then the next one you're like, Ooh no. So too tight. So you do that with thoughts like when you come up with the next step on your bridge to move up the emotional ladder. You wanna be like, how does that feel when I think this one, right when I think they struggle sometimes to listen when they're upset, I'm like, oh yeah, that is true.
Definitely feels better than thinking they never listened to me. So we wanna try on, see how it feels in your body. Does it feel more true than your original thought? Does it create a little bit of relief? There we go. That is what I want you to see. That's what bridge thoughts are looking for.
It's another way of saying moving up the emotional scale is does it create a little bit of relief to you? And definitely call on one of those magic phrases that I said. If you're struggling, you can't find a bridge thought naturally, try [00:27:00] adding, I'm learning to, it's possible that I'm not there yet.
Whatever you're thinking, you add on the, and it's okay to soften that original thought. So bridge thoughts are gonna give you something that positive or overly positive thinking can't, and that's, it'll give you just a realistic path out of your negative emotion that your brain can actually follow and will can stay on track with.
So instead of being stuck in overwhelming feelings, like with feeling like there's no way out, you'll always have a next step. You'll always have a way to move just slightly in the direction of peace. And I love this for you because this means you'll spend less time spiraling and more time in kind of more neutral towards positive ones, and it means you'll recover faster from these difficult moments.
It [00:28:00] means that you will model emotional regulation for your children instead of being. As reactive, and I hope it will also means that you'll lessen the judgment on yourself for having negative thoughts in the first place. And you just start seeing them as simply your starting point. It's your starting point for feeling better.
So again, remember, don't make your bridge too big, okay? Think of one little notch of relief. And yeah, don't judge. That starting point because hey, we're gonna be angry, we're gonna be frustrated. We're gonna be overwhelmed. They're just emotions. They're not character flaws.
It's not like a bad chromosome we have or anything. Just Yeah. We go into those places sometimes. Okay. Just start where you are and then what is that next feeling up? And you might not [00:29:00] have immediate transformation, right? These are tools and sometimes you need to have several bridge thoughts to get you to a significantly better feeling place.
But I hope that you'll at least try it and give yourself a little grace. Just know you don't have to fully believe whatever that next thought. It doesn't have to like a hundred percent ring true. You just need to find it a little bit more believable than your original thought that is keeping you in that negative emotion.
So here's what I want you to do this week. Remember I said I, I really wanted you to be able to take this tool and apply it. We just wanna try and catch yourself, put more awareness around. Any negative thoughts you have each day, just capture one. Notice what you're thinking. Notice how it's making you feel.
Then ask yourself, what would one step in using the bridge thought [00:30:00] tool be better than this original current thought? I'm thinking try on a new bridge thought and see how it feels. It doesn't feel better. Make it a little smaller might be a too big of a jump and just keep adjusting it until you find something that gives you a little bit more relief and kind of practices daily.
And don't worry about becoming a master immediately, right? Just practice taking one step up the emotional ladder and just see so you have some feel like. Is this a tool that I wanna use more and more, right? And then this tool, just know it is, it's about retraining your brain. And I want you to know that you have way more options to feel better than you think right now.
You're never really truly stuck. There is a way out. There's a way to move in the direction of peace, and I always want to [00:31:00] recommend that. I think that the best way is to move one small step at a time, and this gonna help you reclaim your power over your emotional experience. So I don't want you to be at the mercy of whatever happens then anything that pops into your head.
I want you to become someone who consciously chooses thoughts that serve you better, thoughts that create a whole bunch more peace in your life. Okay. Alright, beautiful friends, that's your tool today that I wanted to do a specific podcast on. Yeah, bridge thoughts are always available to you in any situation at any time.
And you can use them right in the middle of your worst moments. And I'm gonna remind you, we don't need perfection in this, right? And the goal isn't to feel great all the time. The goal is to have a way, right? That's what I'm trying to equip you so that you can get out of the cyclone, out of the spin of your life, out of the [00:32:00] chaos, and into the calm where your power lives, so that you will know how to move toward peace whenever you need it.
Okay. Thanks so much for being my students today as I'm teaching this new tool and I hope my own clients who are in, I hope this is a nice just reiteration to what we use inside the coaching program and I. I am just so thrilled that you all are here. I would love, again at the beginning just say, reach out and check out all the resource resources I have available for you.
But until next week, may peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools to create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the [00:33:00] Catholic faith like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women or a self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course. Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, the Cyclone Mom Method, How To Call On Your God-Given Power To Remain Calm, [00:34:00] In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book.
You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
