Episode 297 Transcript
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 297 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom you are created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Welcome back to the podcast beautiful Mamas. I am so glad you are here. We have a special guest and it's somebody that you have heard before, but I'm going to reintroduce Dr. Tiff is with me today. Hi, Dr. Tiff. Hey there. Welcome [00:01:00] back to the podcast. Yes. I was just trying to think, have I had, if I have had someone on more than once?
It has been very few. I feel very privileged. Yes. Everybody, Dr. Tiff is my health and nutrition coach right now that I've been working with and have been so grateful for your health along your help along my health journey. And you have done amazing. So you should give yourself credit.
I just tell you what to do. You are executing. So that's exactly what I say to my coaching clients too, right? So I get why you say that back and just as a note to know what I've just referenced. Dr. Tiff was on the episode 276, where we talked about meal planning. But today the reason why I'm having her on is because first of all, I love everything that she has to say and offer on the socials and with working with her.
But one of the ways that that what hit me was an email. One of your [00:02:00] value emails that you put out not too long ago, and I read it and I said, this is exactly a beautiful subject that I know that some moms struggle with and would like some more peace of mind around. And so I've had her I'm having her back on that.
We can discuss how you can feel more empowered to talk to your child, your teens, your kids, and around food, the subject of food, the subject of bodies, image, exercise, and then also just bring a really more heightened awareness to what you might be saying yourself about the subjects and how that is influencing your child.
So such an important topic. Yes, it is. I think that we either have struggled with ourself with these things, and so we don't realize how, what we're talking and what we're saying about, but then for many of [00:03:00] you, you might be seeing your children struggle with body image and food and exercise and then we are like, I don't know how to help them best.
So I'm hoping that's what this podcast will do for you all today. Bring in a little bit more peace of mind. So this is where I thought I would start is I just want to read the first paragraph that you had in that email to set us up. Okay. Okay, perfect. So the email started out saying that there was a power in overheard conversations.
Teenagers are constantly absorbing the world around them, and our casual comments about food bodies and exercise don't go unnoticed. While we may think these remarks are harmless adult conversations, they actually are powerful teaching moments that can shape how young people view themselves and their relationship with food and movement for years to come.
I was like, like I literally started to go back in my own head to think about [00:04:00] how I might have done this. And we've all done it. I think that giving yourself some grace in that, if you're sitting there thinking, oh my gosh, what damage have I done? What have I said? I think now it's just about if you know that those are areas that you need to work on to start to.
Be aware, be intentional with the way that you speak about those things. It's not that you can't talk about them, but it's about shifting the conversation from the visual, the how we look, the behaviors to how is this honoring my body? How is this, creating an opportunity for me to better use my gifts and steward the incredible gift God has given me.
And those are the ways we can shift that conversation, I think. Okay. So the, where I wanna start is, you said this powerful sentence or phrase when our words become their inner voice. And then, so I wanna give some actual common [00:05:00] scenarios. That our children may be witnessing out there, and then maybe our comments so that you moms can hear and say, oh yeah, I think that's something I might be doing.
Not to use against you to judge, but just again, bring some awareness. I have the ones you listed, but do you like. Do you want me to start there? Or do you want do you have some scenarios that kind of come in your mind? I don't mind to throw some out and then if there are some, and they may be the same that I mentioned in the, yeah.
But if there are, other ones that I don't mention? I think the thing I hear a lot from clients, friends, socializing, being out with people eating meals or sharing meals is the good and bad labeling. Where foods, oh, I'm being so bad today. I am having chips and salsa. Or, oh, I know I was so good earlier.
I'm treating myself to this, higher calorie choice. When we [00:06:00] start to label foods, our kids internalize that, and so then they're starting to do that same guilt game when they eat something that maybe they've heard us label as good or bad. They're associating certain foods with behaviors and actions and worth.
That's one I hear a lot. I think how we position the reason that we're eating, that we're fueling our goals, that we're feeding our emotion and our mood and our. Muscle keeping us strong, keeping us focused, making sure that we're talking about food in terms of what it does for our body and allows our body to do versus how we look or because I'm trying to lose weight or because I need to be healthier.
That just making sure you're having the right connotation around. The reason that we're choosing certain foods. Yes. So you did mention one of the examples here, and then I'll just give another one. There was [00:07:00] where we noticed you're out there and you notice somebody who you know before and you say the words, oh, they've gotten really big.
Or I wonder what happened to them. He used to be so disciplined. Show us how then a child overhearing that then might internalize this. Sure. I, that's just an immediate understanding that we judge appearances, we judge or assume certain value set. Behaviors associated with how someone looks, that they're undisciplined, if they're overweight or they're unmotivated.
If they're not exercising regularly, we don't always know the whole story. We're judging such surface characteristics of someone their size, their outfits, their eating habits. Starting to replace that with complimenting their kindness, their efforts, their creativity, just like we would wanna do for our child.
Just being [00:08:00] really aware of making casual comments that are associated with weight bodies, how they look. Yes. Needs to be top of mind for sure. And another example, 'cause this one you might like, I think about, oh, this is probably really common within the household. Not just like out when you might go.
The quote is, Ugh, I have so much fat around my midsection. I am so gross. And I'm just thinking about this is your own negative self-talk. This is your own belief about your body. And then your child hears that and associates, maybe they even say I have a tummy too. I must be gross.
It's the, I think the last part of that is the big game changer. We can make neutral comments about our bodies oh, my, my legs are really bigger than my upper body. And that just may be a genetic characteristic of yours. But then when you say That's so gross, you're [00:09:00] then judging the fact that you have that characteristic.
So just being very aware of where do you go with that and how is that gonna make them feel if maybe they genetically have your same build. They are transitioning and haven't hit their growth spurt. Maybe they do still have a little excess belly fat, or they're still working into their adult body.
They're looking at themselves every day too, and just starting to get used to their bodies, depending on their age. Just being really careful how you talk about yours. They model the same behaviors a lot of times. Okay. And then you beautifully laid out this ripple effect that then happens. And one of the things that you said was that they will then begin to internalize body shame.
So it says yeah, our kids, just like any behaviors if it wasn't related to [00:10:00] weight, it might be about your work ethic, it might be about faith, it might be about relationships. They're watching us all the time. And we've gotta re remember, are we modeling gratitude? Are we modeling grace? Are we modeling and judging ourselves on one moment in time, one choice that we make?
What do we want our children to learn about how we are treating ourselves? That's what we always have to think about. Okay? Then another result from if we're, not deliberate or intentional about our own words and speak about food and bodies and exercise would be like developing a food anxiety mentality where you, your food choices then lead to guilt or restriction.
I think we have to teach our kids that there are foods that are meant for certain times and certain frequencies, right? We, none of us [00:11:00] eat unhealthily all the time, and most of us don't eat healthy all the time. Either. Sometimes we want the fries, we want the dairy queen blizzard, and sometimes we know we've maybe been on vacation and we need to come back and we need to maybe give our body a little better nourishment 'cause we've been off of our normal schedule.
Having real conversations with the kids about these foods all fit. You can have all these foods within the spectrum of a balanced nutritional plan, but if it's the morning before a big test, or you've got a big soccer tournament this weekend, or it's the night before, a CT, we need to be really thoughtful about how we're fueling our bodies because performance is key.
Teaching our kids timing and types is so important, and I don't think adults often even do that. We can work things in, but there's a time and a place for certain foods that are gonna make less of an impact on how we feel emotionally, physically, our focus, our cognitive ability. [00:12:00] I think we can talk kids through that so they understand why we're asking them to make those choices or we're suggesting they make certain choices.
It's not punishment. It's not that you can't have those foods, just maybe not right now. Yeah. So good. And just to piggyback on that, your, some of your talk might be leading towards exercise itself. Being a punishment like that is something our kids also pick up on us. If that's something you.
Self-beliefs in your belief system. So anything about there I think you have something like, can you even talk about it as like even just stress relief, if it's nothing about like how that could make a positive difference. What does it do for you? I, I know I never really love starting my exercise, but I feel so much clearer after, or my body feels so much stronger after I go for my morning walk, or I feel so much better energy after X, Y, z.
We don't have to pretend to love going to the gym every day [00:13:00] because sometimes you just don't wanna do it. It's about teaching them the after effects or also, I always come back to, I get the opportunity to go and move my body every day and one day I may not have that, or someone else may not have that luxury I get to instead of I have to.
I love it, being able to say that. Yeah. It's one of my mom tools, right? I get to before I versus I have to, or the, I choose to, right? That also you knows me, that empowers you that it's a positive connotation instead of, again, this. Burden that you have to bear in order to stay healthy or to stay strong.
Yeah. Okay. Alright. Now you gave us that there was some good news. I'm gonna that we can, we, that we have a power we might not be realizing to be able to have more healthy attitudes and create environments that will help. Our kids. So you [00:14:00] provided four steps in order to do that, in order to create one, like even just if we think about, just like in everybody's individual home first, if you think that right now that you're developing a culture there in your own home that is more towards negative negativity around body image or that you're don't have.
Piece around food. Then you offered these five steps. So I'm gonna name them and maybe you just can speak to everyone. Okay? So they're all, the first ones are about reframing your language. And this is what I wanted to empower my mom, my listeners, right? Because they're gonna hear you and they're gonna be like yes, I need to speak better about this.
Or, Ooh I don't want, I wanna help my child's inner voice. I don't wanna hurt it. And then the next question is always. How do I do that? So you said we wanna reframe our language and then you started with replace body criticism with gratitude gratitude over guilt. Celebrate what your body can do for you and if, [00:15:00] even if you have to go stand in front of the mirror with them and make it a very tangible exercise and say, what are we grateful for our body?
Today, what about our body? Are we grateful for that? We can walk to class every day, carry our book bag, get up and sit down out of our chair, whatever. Even little things, if you do it and they hear you doing it and they're doing it, you could even make this like a little daily ritual. Love it. Okay. And you mentioned this before, but it's worth repeating.
Sure. You said discuss food in terms of nourishment and enjoyment, fueling for purpose. If you are somebody that is integrating, I know all your listeners have a very strong faith, so just what is our gift? What are we doing to fuel our purpose? Okay, and how is this? Creating an opportunity for stewardship in our day to day.
If we're depleted, if we're tired, if we're [00:16:00] anxious, if we're run down, if we're not sleeping well, we can't carry out our purpose in the same way. Yeah. You had the thought, this meal will give me energy. Growth, energy, joy, vitality. So just finding those really positive affirmations.
Affirmative. Adjectives to associate with the food that we're eating. Okay, the next one might be my favorite because my clients and my longtime listeners will know that this is something that they will hear me say inevitably. You have talk about exercise as self-care. I think like we were just talking about, what do you get out of the end result?
Sometimes it's grueling. During, I would associate it, especially with the teens. If they're athletes and they're having to go to two adays preseason training after school late games, but man, when they walk away with that championship trophy, it was all worth it. The long-term benefits. [00:17:00] Playing it all the way through.
In this moment, I'm miserable, but I know that the suffering is gonna be worth the strength that I get on the other side. The last one you have is acknowledge natural body diversity. Speak to us more on this. It's that uniqueness that we have all been made exactly on purpose, right? Psalm 1 39, I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
He knit you together with intention and every single one of us, our bodies are different. Our strengths and our weaknesses are different. Our trouble spots are different. The things that we wanna change. We have to remember that all of that was intricately made and he broke the mold with us. If we can remind ourselves of that, every time we start to pick ourselves apart and we help our kids see that in themselves, their identity over their image, their worth comes from [00:18:00] him and not the mirror.
What a game changer. I love it so much. So the second is it's self-explanatory, but you say to model intuitive behaviors. Yeah. And this is the one that I wanted to bring up from the list that you had to create safe conversations. Because I, what I know is that as soon as our child, we observe something that we say, oh, that's not good.
If you overhear them or if you notice I don't know, their clothes not fitting, or you hear them say something like, negative self-talk themselves than us moms then we have the thought like, oh no, this is a problem. That's bad. I can't let this, and we go into immediate fix it mode.
Yeah. Which can often not be. This is sticky, right? Because if there is a concern and someone has significantly, I have a young lady I'm meeting with this weekend. She's lost 30 pounds in a very short [00:19:00] period of time. She's a high school junior and the school's concerned. Her parents aren't sure.
They initially felt like she was on a good path 'cause she needed to maybe lose a little bit. But where's the line there? You've gotta be present. You've gotta be aware. I would start monitoring. I wouldn't start going crazy micromanaging, but I would definitely be a little bit more vigilant in those situations and maybe ask questions.
I think there's this fear of asking questions, making it worse. Ignoring it makes it worse. Yeah. Ask questions, make them realize you're aware and that you wanna make sure that we understand what our ultimate goal is. Hey, what is the goal? What are you going for? What do you do? You need support with something.
Oftentimes they're finding their information on. Instagram, TikTok, wherever. If you don't ask, then you could give them resources. Hey, would you like to meet with somebody that could tell you what your body [00:20:00] needs and what work with you on your goals? I think we try to ignore the conversations out of fear of making it.
To top of mind and in that ignorance or the avoidance, it makes it worse. Oh, a hundred percent. I'm so glad we spoke to that because when I think about the co having, creating safe conversations, it's one of the things is what I have moms to do is instead of going straight into tell them, be more of a detective with those questions.
It's as coaches, that's what we're always doing. We're trying to go mine our. Client's minds for what's going on in there. So that's how you do a safe, conversation. Is to ask more questions. And also that child might feel that they, instead of the fix it, when our parents go into fixing it, we're just like, oh, something.
I must be doing it wrong, right? Whereas sometimes they just need to hear that's so normal for you to. Dislike a part of your body. Nothing's gone wrong [00:21:00] here. We're brains, judge. This is what I tell my clients all the time, brains, naturally they judge.
That's one of their functions. It's not like we're gonna have to put the stop button on it, but we definitely wanna try to do it a lot less. Okay. And just being aware, let me just say one other thing. Yeah, sure. Just some of the little. Red flags, I'll call them. Just having a lot of history around eating disorders and being aware of some of those tendencies is just big shifts in the types of foods they like.
All of a sudden they don't like pasta anymore when they've always loved pasta or I don't really like dessert things that are like, does that sound a little, that sounds unusual. Tracking, being very calorie conscious, looking at labels, wanting to cook everything, control the content of everything.
Having a little more social anxiety of going out to eat or eating in front of people if they start cooking [00:22:00] for others, but then not enjoying it themselves. Those are some things where, there could be some, a little bit of a disordered pattern happening. Okay, great awareness. The last one you had was focus on function over form.
And this is about celebrating right bodies more than what they do, than how they look, which you've also Yeah, I think we it's just a different way of saying that. Yeah. What is the, what is my body doing for me instead of the aesthetics? Yeah. Okay. And so what is your, you have this aspect about, we as parents or moms in our home, we can do so much.
But I do want to say that maybe some of the listeners have a position like in the community, right? Like in the schools, like knowing, like sometimes it's this overall being able to have more, the change that we're looking. I love starting with our own families, but sometimes somebody might be in, maybe they're a sports coach and bringing this to their mind.
So [00:23:00] maybe just speak to about how, in the community, how we can change this kind of more for as a culture. Yeah. I've seen so many schools that are not willing to educate out of fear. Again, they don't wanna have somebody come talk about body image or eating disorders or nutrition health in order to not overemphasize or maybe open a conversation that the kids weren't even thinking about.
But that's again, ignorance. To think that kids aren't curious about those things, that when their bodies are changing and puberty's happening, and having relationships for the first time and just different outfits and uniforms and depending on your sport aesthetics of those things. If you're a dancer, if you're a cheerleader, if you're a volleyball player, if you're a wrestler, we've gotta educate them and help them make the right choices.
If not, then [00:24:00] shame on us. Okay. So if, when a mom's listening this today, and again we've hit two views. There's, I wanted to bring to moms have more peace of mind about, and more awareness around maybe how they're speaking on the subjects of food and their bodies and exercise. So when, if, and then I also want to, wanted to bring awareness to, how.
What the child might be learning or seeing, from your talk. So if someone was like, I just want yes, I want to put a focus on this. I think that I've got some room to grow here that I think that I have would like to switch more towards creating a strong inner voice of my child or wanna change my ways because I want my inner voice to be different.
What would you just say is like the very practical thing to start doing right now that could help them progress towards that? Just start out saying the things out [00:25:00] loud. Just they're, they'll hear the difference if they know what you've been saying. Or how you've been about your own body. Start to really voice the gratitudes, voice, the affirmations, talk about how you feel after exercise.
So just really implement some of those reframing tools and the comments and flip the script and make it just more of a part of your natural conversation. And I think they'll notice the difference. They're very intuitive and I think if you're somebody that you know has maybe been overly critical. Use it as a learning opportunity.
Maybe just even bring it up. Hey, I know that I was talking really negatively about myself the other day. I need to do better about that. I want us all to do better about that, and gratitude and grace and identity being built on the right foundation. Maybe use it just [00:26:00] as a really open conversation and give yourself grace about it.
Amazing. I love it. Okay, before we go, I would love for you to tell my listeners, I of course have the inside track and I know that we have a new book coming out that I think that my listeners could be interested, especially if they have the, any pre-teen teenage kids. So can you tell us the title you know what it's about, and.
I will, I'll tell you all the things and I'll include how to get your copy in the show notes of the episode. Perfect. It is called Your Unique Fizeek, and since this is a lot of audio, I will spell that it is F-I-Z-E-E-K, so it is a play on our normal physique word. My goal with this book is to help girls to build their confidence, their identity, and their worth on things that are unshakeable on their faith, on their integrity, on their passion, on [00:27:00] their knowledge.
So Fizeek is six pillars. It's faith, integrity, zeal, endurance, empowerment, and knowledge. So the book takes the girls through all of those six pillars and really tries to help them to build their identity on things other than just the normal things that we see and we touch and we do and we accomplish.
I saw such a gap in that. Even in my older clients, in their forties, fifties, sixties, so much still attached to those fleeting things, and I wanna help our young girls start out on the right path. But it sounds like also if you were still 40, 50, or 60 and read the book. Yeah, I used to read the book and probably learn every time I read it.
I'm like, yeah, I need to do that better. All right. Okay. Again I'll let you give me the information and I'll pass it along in my show notes if somebody wants to. Go ahead and purchase that [00:28:00] book. Awesome. Thank you. Alright, thank you so much for coming on the podcast again. I know, really. You're welcome.
Really helpful. Okay. We might have to have a round three at some point. We don't know. You could be the first. Alright. Thanks Dr. Tiff for being on and for all of my listeners, may peace be with you. Always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of The Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review.
It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools to create peace of mind in your busy mom life. And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident I can help.
Become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances. Whether you [00:29:00] need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women or a self-study course I've got you covered.
Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit. Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram at Danielle Thienel Coaching.
And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, the Cyclone Mom Method: How to Call on Your God-Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. You'll find all the details in the show notes too.
Until next time, peace [00:30:00] be with you always.
