Episode 298 Transcript
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 298 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best bomb. You are created by God to be. If you want to bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hey there, beautiful mamas. Thank you so much for being here today. I'm your host, Danielle Thienel, and I'm so glad you're joining me. This is an important conversation. I'm gonna be calling myself out in this one as well today, right? Let me ask you something. Be honest. How many times [00:01:00] this week have you caught yourself saying, I can't afford to, or I don't have time to, or maybe when the kids are older or if only my husband would, and then fill in the blanks.
If you are like most of the women I coach. You have got a list of excuses longer than your grocery list for why you can't change the things in your life that are making you unhappy. And again, I just said don't use that as against yourself. When you hear me say that. It might feel like a little called out, but I am just so grateful that there was a person who called me out on my excuses all those years ago when I was just miserable, right?
I was overwhelmed and yelling at the kids and not able to be the mom I wanted, [00:02:00] and find the peace that I know, was available just like fleetingly. But I wanted it more long term. I needed somebody else to show me that I was giving into the excuses that are always available to us and so easily, readily to be picked up so I get it right.
The excuses that we give ourselves, they feel really real. They feel insurmountable. But what if I told you that the very excuses that you are using to stay stuck are actually costing you more than the change you're afraid to make? Today we're talking about the excuses, the ones that are keeping you trapped in a life that doesn't fit who you are becoming or where you wanna go.
And more importantly, I wanna offer you [00:03:00] some perspectives that I hope. We'll help you break free from these excuses once and for all, because here's the truth, you can't afford not to change your life. So let me paint a picture of what I see. There's a mama who stays in a job she hates because maybe it's something about, the cost of living in her area is too high to take a risk on something else that she might love more.
There's a woman who's exhausted by the pace of life, but believed that she lacks the energy to make any changes that would actually give her more energy. There's the mom who thinks she's too old to start something new, or there's the mom who thinks that she's too young to be taken seriously or that it's too late to change course or too soon [00:04:00] to rock the boat.
You get what I'm saying? But then there's the most crippling excuse of all the belief that you are powerless. That you're a victim of your circumstances with no ability to change your life, that things happen to you, rather than understanding that you have an incredible power to create the life you want.
Is this you? If you could just let down your guard for a minute. Are you taking on the victim role? Do you believe that you are actually powerless in making the changes that you want? Again, I can strongly say I totally didn't see it. I totally was in the blame mode. I totally was just victimhood, right?
Like I'm doing everything that I can. And [00:05:00] if those other people would change, then things would be, easier for me. But what they are or they are excuses. Now, those excuses come from a really strong place in your brain. A place that doesn't want you to exude the energy it takes, it cha to change.
It doesn't want you to have to do something hard and put you in an a situation where you'd have to feel pain or discomfort, and it really just wants you to be. Take it easy and to do really pleasurable things, right? But those excuses which are coming from that not so useful part of your brain these days, right?
They are costing you, they're costing you years of your life spent in frustration instead of fulfillment. They're costing you the confidence that comes from taking control of your circumstances. They're [00:06:00] costing you. The example that you could be setting for your children about what's possible when you refuse to accept stuck as permanent, and most importantly, they're costing you the life God designed specifically for you, a life of purpose, joy, and the deep satisfaction that comes from using your gifts fully.
So let me call out the most popular excuses I hear. Because I bet you'll recognize yourself in at least one of these. Okay. Some of them might not resonate. That's okay. Then you don't wanna focus on those. But if there's any in this list that, that you think, yes, that's an excuse you use on the regular that I'm inviting you today, right?
To work through this excuse so you can have the changes you want. The first one, I can't afford to make a change. This is a big one. You [00:07:00] can't afford to go back to school, start a business, move to a better area, hire help, or invest in your growth. But can you afford to stay miserable? Can you afford the stress related health issues that come with not changing?
Can you afford to model settling for less for your children? The next excuse. I don't have time. First of all, I have a book that totally addresses this one excuse, it's called The Divine Time Solution, and I'll include access to it in the show notes, but you don't have time. This is my, this is what you might be saying about.
Not having time. You don't have time to exercise and you don't have time to pursue a dream. You don't have time to build better relationships or work on personal development. But [00:08:00] we all do find time to do things like scroll on social media, worry about things that we can't control, and we stay busy with activities that don't actually move our life forward.
All right. The next kind of excuse that falls into the Hall of Fame of excuses is, I'm too old, or I'm too young. One of those versions, you're too old to start over. Too young to be taken seriously, too established to change paths or too new to have credibility. Age is just a number. Mama. And every stage of life has its unique advantages.
How about it's too late or it's too soon. This is like a kind of a different little version from the I'm too old or I'm too young. Your excuse might be, it's [00:09:00] too late or it's too soon, so you missed your chance, or the timing isn't right now. Or you need to wait until circumstances are lined up better.
More perfectly right. Perfect timing is a myth, and that keeps your dreams on permanent hold when you believe that it's either too late or too soon. And the last one I just wanna offer is when you say something like, I need others to be on board, or I need others to be on the same page as me before I can, X, Y, Z.
You know your, maybe your husband won't support it, your family doesn't understand. Your friends might think you're crazy or your kids need you too much. While support is wonderful and I get why you would want it from these loved ones of yours, waiting for everyone else's permission is [00:10:00] literally just another way of avoiding your own responsibility to create change.
Because the truth is most people don't realize that we are the ones running the show. You are not a passive participant in your life. You are the director, the producer, and you're the star. And I know, I get it. I was there before. It's can be scary. It will take courage. It will take commitment. And yes.
Your brain that doesn't want you to do hard things, it will require you to override that and have hard work to change. But, and I love that there's a but here, the rewards, that's what your brain doesn't want you to focus on. It wants you to focus on the hard work, but the rewards what you get, the confidence, the [00:11:00] control, the accomplishment.
They are worth every bit of effort. Okay? So I'm gonna offer like a seven step framework, and this is how I'm helping you today. Break free from these excuses, okay? These, if you take what I have to offer here and put them into action, right? You'll break through these excuses and you'll actually change your life.
Okay, so let's call this the no more excuses framework. Here's step one. Put yourself at the top of the list. I know, right? You just shook a little bit, didn't you? Danielle? I'm a mom. My kids come first. My family comes first. Like I hear you. Especially like we're a [00:12:00] mom of faith and we're, we think about service.
And I'm not asking you to neglect your responsibilities, but here's what I'm asking you. Stop putting yourself at the bottom of every list. Stop treating your dreams, your health, your growth, and your fulfillment, like luxury items that you'll get to someday if there's time left over. Huh. This is such where my heart and my work, my main focus of this coaching work is really centered around this, right?
When you constantly put everyone else's needs before your own, you teach your children that this is what love looks like, self-sacrifice to the point of self neglect, is that really the lesson we want them to learn. And when we think that way, we don't even realize that. [00:13:00] Actually the times in our life when we were happier and we were showing up like the mom we wanted and we did feel like we were like on the right path and doing great things, it was probably a time in your life when you weren't frazzled, exhausted and you were probably doing something well for yourself.
Your children need a mother who models what it looks like to value herself, to pursue growth, to take care of her own needs so she can show up fully for others. You cannot pour from an empty cup. I know you've heard that before and you, if you're a long time listener, you've definitely heard that from me.
And you can't teach your children the to value themselves if you don't model a certain level of self-respect as well. So putting yourself on the list does not mean you are becoming selfish. It means you're becoming [00:14:00] strategic about your own wellbeing so you can love others from a place of fullness instead of depletion.
Okay? Step two of the no excuses framework. Get your priority straight. This is just a straight on reality check. You are not a robot. You can't do everything. You have limited time, limited energy, and limited mental capacity, and the question isn't whether you have limitations. The question is whether you're going to be intentional about how you spend your limited resources.
What are you choosing to say yes to? What and what are you choosing to say no to? What are the essentials for your family at whatever stage of motherhood you are in? What matters most when it comes to where you put your mental, emotional, and [00:15:00] physical energy? What matters most to you? Such an amazing question that really warrants your time and focus.
To answer it and get clear about, I want you to do an honest assessment. Look at your current commitments. Ask yourself, if I were designing my I ideal life from scratch, would I choose to include this back in? And if the answer is no, it's time to start making some changes. I always wanna have the caveat, not about, don't need to do it perfectly, right?
This is not about perfection, but it is definitely about intention. It's about making a conscious choice rather than just letting life happen to you. So let's get our priorities straight. Step three of the no excuses framework. [00:16:00] Let's identify what's draining you time for some brutal honesty here. What is draining your time and energy that you could let go?
I want you to do a time audit. I know in my Divine Time Solution book, I do walk you through this. I also have a time management course called Divine Time Management Course, where I actually give you a worksheet to print out, or several of them for you to be able to conduct this time audit. It has you, so for one week, I'm even offering you today.
Track how you spend your time and notice how different activities make you feel. I know when some people wanna lose weight, they find, it's very informational and helping to make a strategic plan that supports you going [00:17:00] forward when you track your food. This is the same thing I'm asking to track your time.
Just one week of your life to find a whole bunch of amazing golden nuggets that you might not have seen of where you are being drained. What are you doing out of people pleasing that doesn't actually serve anyone? What commitments are you keeping because you've always kept them before, not because they align with who you are.
Now, what. Drama are you participating in that adds nothing positive to your life? Be honest about the energy drains in your life. Remember, it could be something like toxic relationships. Maybe it's social media. Maybe it's commitments you've made years ago that no longer serve you. Maybe it's a perfectionist standard that exhausts you without adding [00:18:00] any real value to your life.
On this podcast today that you're listening to, you have my permission to let go of things that drain you. You have permission to maybe do something that you, that others may have thoughts about that will disappoint them. That is okay if it means you can show up better for the people around you and the purposes that matter most to you.
It may just be the best thing for everyone. Okay, step four. Step three was identifying what's straining you. Step four, invest in your financial health. Here's where the rubber meets the road, right? This in the, some of the excuses I see that this subject plays and keeps people from so many other things, other goals that they want.
And when you [00:19:00] invest in your financial health and you start feeling better about your money situation and stop with the excuses that come up around this subject, you will a hundred percent change your life. So there might be fixing your relationship with money, right? That might need to be one of those priorities.
You can't use your financial limitations as an excuse while simultaneously avoiding dealing with your finances, right? So this means facing your money circumstances. Honestly, it means maybe getting coached on your money beliefs and the stories you tell yourself about what's possible financially. It means making changes maybe in investments that will pay off in the long run, even if they require sacrifice in the short term.
Okay. In my Faith Focused Finances course, [00:20:00] and again, I will link that in the show notes. If this is one of the excuses you feel like comes up again and you finally want to get some strategies around it, I address and help you address exactly these kinds of money mindset blocks that do keep women stuck.
Now if it is a faith-based program, so you will find much help in there, support with scripture, and focusing on God's perspective and way with money, because here's the truth, most of the time when we say I can't afford it, we mean I'm scared to pri prioritize it, or I don't believe I'm worth the investment.
I know this one all too well because I have women and mamas who come to me all the time who are grasping for [00:21:00] and have a huge desire in their heart to change and they don't know how. And my coaching will help teach them the how, but there is no way to get to that path if you don't believe you're worth the investment.
Or you're scared to prioritize yourself. Sometimes changing your life does require a financial investment in education, in childcare, in professional help, in tools and resources. And if you keep avoiding these investments because they cost money, you'll stay exactly where you are. Okay? Step five of the no excuses framework.
Identify what's fueling you, right? Life changes they require energy and energy comes from doing things that light you up, not just things that drain you. What activities make you feel alive? What [00:22:00] relationships energize you? What dreams excite you? Even when they scare you? You need to intentionally add fun to your life, add friendship to your life, add movement and soul nurturing activities to your life.
These are not luxuries, they're fuel for the changes you wanna make. Maybe it's taking that art class you've been thinking about for years. Maybe it's joining that hiking group. I've been hiking a lot lately with my husband, I was never a big hiker and now I'm totally getting into it. Maybe it's finally writing that book.
I remember that was me too. I really wanted to write a book. I made a lot of excuses before I finally did. Maybe you want to launch that side business you've been dreaming about. Stop waiting for permission to enjoy your life. Stop treating joy [00:23:00] like something you have to earn through suffering. That is not the route we wanna take.
God wants you to live abundantly, and that includes having things in your life that bring you genuine happiness. So find and seek what fuels you, and we want to do more of it. Okay. Step six in the no excuses framework is to build life enhancing community. We are not to, we're not meant to go it alone.
And you also, I know you've heard this before, you become like the people you spend the most time with. So in this one where you're building life enhancing community, I want you to be vigilant about surrounding yourself with high quality relationships. Seek out encouraging people who believe in your growth possibility [00:24:00] and positive change.
And some of you, some of the people you hang around who might not be support be as encouraging, might even be your own family members. And we do wanna find ways to. Be able to, if this is the case, to be able to balance that out and be around more people that will bring life enhancing parts to you.
So if you're surrounded by people who constantly complain and who constantly make excuses and their life, they're like stuck in things too, it's going to be much harder for you to break free from those patterns yourself. You want people in your life who challenge you to grow, who support your dreams and model what it looks like to take responsibility for [00:25:00] creating change.
And this might mean joining new groups, seeking out mentors, or even limiting time with people who consistently drain your energy or discourage your growth. And it's not about being mean when you're not around them anymore or less. It's about being protective of your mental and emotional environment.
Okay, that was step six, to build life enhancing community. Step seven, honor your spiritual wellbeing. This is the most important step of all. You need to prioritize your relationship with God and create spiritual practices that helps guide and support you through the process of change. I. I just, when I think of this one, I put it at step, step seven, and I want to [00:26:00] underscore that it's a lot easier than you might think.
It's, I'm not talking about, Sunday church attendance, right? I'm just talking about a daily connection in some form or fashion with the one who created you. The one who knows your purpose and who has wisdom to guide you through every decision and challenge. So yeah, maybe it's a quick morning prayer.
Maybe it's scripture reading, right? Maybe you wanna listen during the day. I know that I have, there's a great worship music radio station that I just love when I run errands, and I put that on. We need some consistent time, some quiet, some solitude with ourselves, with God, and to fuel the courage that you need to make the changes in your life.
And then when you have, stumbling blocks or your [00:27:00] frustrations about it, you will have that relationship. He wants to hear your struggles about it. He will help you clarify your direction, the changes you want to make in your life. They are too important to attempt them without having some kind of divine guidance.
'cause when you're rooted in your relationship with God, you can face uncertainty and hardship and big goals with confidence. Because you know you're not facing it alone, you can actually take a little bit more risks because you trust that he has good plans for your future no matter what. And then hopefully you can let go of some of the control because you know that he's ultimately in control.
And so then we go into just like experimental mode, [00:28:00] we've already prayed. We ask God, daily for his guidance and support, and then ultimately we have to be like, I'm gonna do my part here, but he's got it, he's got it too. Alright. Those are the seven steps in the no excuses framework.
And here's what I want you to understand about change. It's always uncomfortable. It always will require time, energy, after effort, and it does involve some risk. But staying stuck is also uncomfortable. It also involves your time and energy, right? You're sacrificing your dreams and your potential.
And it also involves risk, the risk of living, unfulfilled or with regret. So the question isn't [00:29:00] whether change is hard. It is. The question is whether the pain of staying the same has become greater than the pain of change. And our brain offers us so many excuses not to change, and this is why we're stuck because we listen to it.
Most people overestimate the risks of change, and then we underestimate the cost of staying stuck, and that's what I wanted to bring to your attention on this episode today. Are we focusing on what we might lose rather than what we might gain?
What if we flipped it? What if you started focusing on what you're losing by not changing? All right, beautiful. Mama, anyone out here, this is your moment of truth. Are you going to keep making excuses or are [00:30:00] you going to start making changes? I hope it's the latter. I, let's try and eradicate the I can't, and then start saying, how can I.
Because our minds want to go answer the questions we set forth. So how can I, and just let those ideal ideas bub bubble up. I know your excuses feel safe, right? They're so familiar. There are, they're just, we've played them so many times, but they are costing you the life you actually want. They're keeping you small when God created you for something really significant.
I am not saying that it'll be easy. I'm not saying it's necessary either. 'cause none of you, you don't have to change if you don't want to. And if you're somebody who you're like, no, I don't make excuses, I've got I definitely, do the things and have the life I want and all [00:31:00] the areas like amazing.
So wonderful. We're, I'm so happy for you. But if you want, if you're someone out there, if you want to live the life you're dreaming about and instead of just dreaming about it, you're actually seeing it, it unfold and develop, then you really don't need my permission. You do not need my permission to start changing your life.
You definitely don't need to be perfect or wait for your circumstances to all be lined up and perfect, and you don't need unlimited resources and funds and you don't need everyone else's approval first. You just need to decide that you're worth the effort and that you're dreams are worth pursuing and that the life that you want is waiting for you.
On the other side of the excuses. And we have to be willing to stop [00:32:00] making the excuses and start making moves. So from the framework today, what's, or even the list I had my hall of fame list of excuses. What's one you're gonna stop making just this week? One small step you can take toward the life you actually want.
Okay. Because your life is happening right now. And you do have more power than you realize to shape it into something just extraordinarily beautiful to you. All right, everyone, please look at the show notes for any reference I made to any kind of support for today in addition. If you found that this resonated with you and that you're someone who is looking to make change and you want the guidance and support and accountability of a life coach, and you would want to perhaps see if I was that life coach for you, then please sign [00:33:00] up for a free back to balance strategy call wherever we feel a little off course, we can get you back in balance and just the call itself.
It is made to be beneficial to you, so that I hope that you would leave it saying I'm so glad I went, that was so worth the hour. Maybe why didn't I do it sooner? No, seriously, whenever somebody comes, it's always at the perfect time, and I would love for it to be you. Okay, everyone as always, thank you so much for joining me here on the podcast.
And until next week. May peace be with you always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you [00:34:00] don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools.
To create peace of mind in your busy mom life. And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women. Or a self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program or delve into my signature course Divine Time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also don't [00:35:00] forget to get your copy of my book, the Cyclone Mom Method, How to Call On Your God-Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book.
You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
