Episode 345 Take Back Your Time and Emotions (CMM Audiobook Part 4)
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 345 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach, Catholic mom, and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out so you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hi there. I'm so glad you're here. Welcome. I'm Danielle, I'm your host, and this week on the episode, we will be hearing the final part of the Cyclone Mom Method audiobook. It's been a series that I've run [00:01:00] this month, and yeah, for three weeks you've been receiving my entire book free, one part at a time, and today we're gonna complete it.
So if you're just finding this, first of all, I think it's what a gift you've stumbled into. Go ahead and go back three episodes and start at part one so you can get the full method in order. But today you're going to... This is the fourth in the series, and you'll hear chapters 11 through 13, and then the conclusion of the book.
It's gonna be about con- the step, the fifth step of the Cyclone Mom method, which is to c- the control of your time, three critical tools you'll need, how to process negative feelings, and then the conclusion. So as you listen to this last part, I want you to notice something. Notice how differently you hear it than maybe you would have a month ago, and I don't believe that's an accident.
I believe that if you've really [00:02:00] gone and listened to all of the parts of the book, that there has already been a change in you. So without further ado, here is the final part of the Cyclone Mom method audiobook. Chapter 11: Control of Your Time. "For everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven."
Ecclesiastes chapter 3, verse 1. The next step of the framework I use to help my clients become Cyclone moms is moving toward balance, supported by the thought that you have enough time. In order to instill that belief, I wanna show you how you can create more time in your life. The paradox of time is that you have plenty of time, but you also have a finite amount of time.
If you look at time and money, those are both circumstances. If you run out of money, you can use your [00:03:00] brain to go about getting more of it. But if you have an hourglass set for your life, you're born with a full bulb of sand, and you will die when the sand runs out. You can't send sand back up through the hourglass.
That's not how time works. So how can we adopt an abundant mindset around time if we can't approach it the same way we do with our other resources, like money? The mental construct of time. The answer lies in the phenomenon I'm sure you've experienced. You go from day to day and look up to realize a week or month has passed and think to yourself, "Whoa, it's over already?
Where did that week go?" You weren't conscious about your time. It passed without your awareness. That is the first step to create more time in your life. Become more conscious about what time really is. [00:04:00] We can go through and Google the history of time, which is admittedly fascinating, and feel grateful for the organization of hours into days into weeks into months, and so on.
But this mental construct is often exactly what we allow to get in our way and dictate whether or not we feel like we have plenty of time or none at all. The first step is to evaluate. Take this past week or even an upcoming week and ask yourself what you're spending your time on. This could look like making a list.
Notice what you're doing. Are there things where you think, "I have to do this," versus, "I get to do this"? Do you choose tasks on purpose? Is there an order of importance to the list in front of you? I want you to notice if you see something on your list that makes you feel heavy or pressured. Perhaps it's [00:05:00] something like grocery shopping.
As you dig deeper, you may realize this is something you do want because you like to have food prepared and ready. In order to expand our time, we need to be reevaluating on a reoccurring basis. If we're aligned with how we're spending our time, even if there are things on your list like the grocery shopping example, take note of anything that you realize you thought was a drag on your time, but you now see as, "I actually do want to figure out how to do this."
Be deliberate about your time. Now, notice the things on your list that you don't want to do or aren't serving a purpose that aligns with you. You have to make a decision to let them go or determine to figure out another way of getting them done. Maybe they served you in the past. Maybe they were things you used to [00:06:00] want and just became automatic, things your mind accepted as something you just have to do.
These things are from a past version of yourself. If a task doesn't fit your current iteration and who you want to become, give yourself permission to let it go. You get to decide what is best in regards to how you spend your time. Perhaps you wanna keep it as well, like cleaning your house, but instead you are willing to swap your time for money and hire someone else to do it.
Now you will have created more time for yourself. The point here is that the choice is yours. There are so many possibilities that lay outside of the norm. I invite you to ask yourself how you could take more control of your time today. In order to effectively execute this exercise, we need to make sure we're choosing our higher brains, see Chapter 5.[00:07:00]
We can take a look at our list to plan and prioritize what truly matters in our lives. I wanna stress that even something that is restful and rejuvenating is still a great choice, even with nothing produced at the end, like a clean sink or folded laundry You get to decide that it's okay to have laundry in the laundry basket and not put it away.
You may decide that you want to spend your time outdoors, not preparing an elaborate home-cooked meal, but instead tossing pasta in water and having spaghetti for dinner. The point is, it's up to you. Put your focus on what matters to you. If you do this consistently, you'll feel like you're creating more time by virtue of simply being more deliberate with your choices.
You'll feel as if you have more time in your schedule. When we feel like we're spread too thin, that's a [00:08:00] sign that we're doing too many things at once. In my program, I help my moms focus on achieving one or two goals at a time. We don't tackle everything on the list at once. If you tighten your focus and give all of your mental, emotional, and physical self to completing those couple of things, you'll actually complete them, and you'll feel momentum and accomplishment.
It's such a win-win. Boss brain, employee mindset This comes from approaching your life like you're the boss. Imagine you're the CEO of your name life incorporated. A boss decides ahead of time what strategies are the best and how to follow through on those. You then get to switch over to the employee mindset, shrug off the pressure from being in charge, and focus on following through with what your boss brain put into motion.[00:09:00]
There may be distractions that come your way, but the boss has spoken. The key to feeling you have more time is in the follow-through of what your boss brain has decided. If time feels like a diminishing resource in your life, be aware of your mindset around the construct of time. What are your beliefs about having enough or not having enough time?
Choose deliberately how you're gonna spend your time and follow through on your choices. Time management is a huge part of my daily coaching sessions. From mamas who have new babies and are juggling older siblings, housework, and time to themselves to other mamas who feel like they live in their cars because their children are so busy, to other mamas still who work and want to maximize the time they have with their little ones.
I have seen an incredible variety in what the modern mom takes on. If you would like my help [00:10:00] organizing your time and maximizing this stage of your motherhood, then please click on the link, daniellethienel.com/my-calendar-page. And of course, you can always visit me at daniellethienel.com and set up a time to chat.
Chapter Eleven key takeaways. Become a cyclone mom by moving towards balance, supported by the thought that you have enough time. Experiment by choosing one day where you consciously focus on thinking the thought, "I always have enough time." Notice how you feel and what you get accomplished that day. Our mental constructs of time can get in our way.
Become more conscious about what time really is. What are your thoughts about time in the thick of a busy day home with kids versus the thoughts you have when you are on vacation? [00:11:00] What's different within the same construct of a twenty-four-hour day? Create more time by virtue of simply being more deliberate with your choices.
Do a time audit. Take two or three days and keep track of how you spend your time. Afterwards, inventory where you have time leaks and make more intentional choices of how to spend your time going forward. When we feel like we're spread too thin, that's a sign that we're doing too many things at once.
What can you let go of? What feels important but isn't necessarily something that truly matters to get done? Pair your boss brain with an employee mindset for optimal results. Part three: Calm in the center of the cyclone. Step into your power. Chapter 12: Three critical tools. [00:12:00] "If God is for me, who can be against me?"
Romans chapter 8 verse 31. I wanted to include a section on just a few of the tools that can help you implement the Cyclone Mom method into your life. When I take a step back and look at the big picture at helping you build a life where you are calm, in control, and confident at any stage in your motherhood, you need both the steps to take and new skills to implement.
There's a quote that's attributed to many famous people that says something along the lines of, "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity." Combining the steps of the Cyclone Mom method as laid out in chapter seven through 11 and the skills I'll explain in this chapter will bring you closer to becoming a Cyclone Mom who knows how to step into her God-given power.
Below are three of my [00:13:00] favorite tools to teach new coaching clients. B minus. This is the tool I specifically referred to earlier in the book when discussing perfectionism. The two-line synopsis of the B minus tool is to grade your actions and deem a B minus grade as good enough in all that you do. If an A plus is prepping an elaborate home-cooked meal, then allow a B minus for boiled spaghetti and sauce from a jar.
I am a recovering perfectionist. I felt like striving for perfection served me well in my previous career as a professional ballet dancer. There was a discipline to upleveling my technique and striving for perfection. But as soon as I became a mom, perfectionism became a huge hindrance to my peace and satisfaction in life.
When I tried to be perfect in this new area of my life, I was overwhelmed. [00:14:00] I soon found that my perfectionism was taking me in the opposite direction I wanted. Striving for things to all be going perfectly will set you up for all things to never go well. Trying to hit that A plus was keeping me from hitting the finish line at all and actually getting things done.
So I was perpetually in striving mode to get things done and never completed anything. We are after the results of progress, not a perfect end result. Making progress may require some mess along the way, but at least you will be in motion moving forward instead of being stuck. So next time you wanna throw in the towel, not start a task, or feel paralyzed by trying to be perfect, remind yourself that a B-minus is good enough.
I have specifically seen a drop in people-pleasing behavior as a result of this tool in my life. [00:15:00] Others have found that they are able to make progress in their goals and dreams. The biggest takeaway I'll offer you is that the B-minus tool can be the difference between feeling calm and feeling overwhelmed.
Life on Earth is not designed to be perfect. Leave perfection for heaven. Accept B-minus while you're here on this beautiful planet. This tool allows you to have so many wonderful experiences and helps you progress instead of focusing on perfection. The model. This tool builds off of the premise we have discussed throughout this book that your thoughts create your feelings.
The model is the creation of Brooke Castillo, the founder of the Life Coach School. I initially learned this from her, and it is a system I use in my own coaching on a daily basis. It has become my number one tool in my own self-coaching practice, as well as the foundational [00:16:00] tool in my life coaching business, and it goes like this Circumstances can trigger thoughts.
Those thoughts are what cause our feelings. Our feelings then drive our actions, and our actions are what create our results. In this succinct and orderly five-lined framework, we can gain control of what is really taking place in our lives right now. In this list, we can start at the top and move downward or start at the bottom and move upward.
Most importantly, you can begin to already recognize where thoughts and feelings are in their respective places that you might not have known before. The model is first and foremost an awareness tool and expands outward to show us where to start as we then embark on the process of creating change.[00:17:00]
When we understand that a more direct route to the lives we want doesn't start with action, or that our circumstances are not what are the cause of our results, we become capable of affecting the change we wanna see. For example, let's say you are visiting your in-laws, and your mother-in-law says something rude about your appearance.
"Gee, I sure wish you would put a little more effort into how you look. What example does that set for your children?" Many of my clients would immediately react to this statement with a feeling that they believe was caused by her words. But when we use the model, we can identify that there is a thought that comes before the feeling that we might not be aware of.
It wasn't her words that caused the feeling. Her words caused a thought in our minds that then caused a feeling. Likewise, a client might [00:18:00] identify a circumstance like the example above and move straight into an action, snapping back at the mother-in-law, or a result, a strained relationship with the mother-in-law that has us blaming what the mother-in-law said as the reason for our terrible experience.
Both of these answers neglect key steps in the model. Your circumstances guide your thoughts. Your thoughts cause your feelings. Your feelings drive your actions. Your actions determine your results. Remember this order the next time something difficult happens in your life. It will give you a greater capacity to show up with power and calm in your life The 50/50.
When I first came across this concept, I really fought it, but it has become one of the biggest lessons I've learned in my life. The 50/50 principle is that in this big, [00:19:00] wonderful life we've been given, in order to live a full, adventurous life while using all of your gifts and achieving your dreams, it will take having 50% positive and 50% negative feelings in this human existence.
Can you see why I instantly rebelled against that definition? Stick with me here. We know from chapter four that our thoughts create our feelings. The feeling creates an emotion that is a literal vibration in our body. We know from the model tool above that these feelings and emotions are not created by our circumstances.
They are not created by what other people say, by the weather, by receiving a diagnosis, or by the actions of our children or spouses. We feel certain ways because we have a thought, positive or negative. The misconception the 50/50 tackles is that we should choose to be happy and [00:20:00] positive all the time.
What this principle tells us is that if we are happy and positive all of the time, then we haven't really tapped into our fullest potential. We are living smaller than God intended us to live. Now, you can choose to stay in that routine and stick with the safety you feel by avoiding scary things. You don't have to choose to feel uncomfortable.
But what if there is something else? What if there is something more that you are made for that your heart wants to go after? Do you remember the story I told you about my own journey at the beginning of this book? I was in total overwhelm. I was blaming everything and everyone. I was blaming my boss. I was blaming the hardship of the renovation and the workers and feeling terrible.
I had this story in my mind of the drama about how there was so much to do, and I was failing at all of it. Then I left my job [00:21:00] and was home for several months. I filled myself up with some self-care and focused on my prayer time, and everything was amazing. I was working out, visiting friends, and really diving into my faith.
I was showing up for my kids in a way I'd always wanted to. But after a while, I felt a longing in my heart saying, "I think I was made for more." During this time of peace, I was living a 90/10 life, 90% positive and 10% negative. In order to get to where I am right now, where I upleveled my mental capacity and my emotional health, I stepped into having a bigger life that was full of more negative feelings.
I started doing scary things, feeling fear, and being anxious about putting myself online. That was terrifying. I was creating online posts, writing emails, and trying to be okay with a B-minus podcast episode. But it got me to where I am now, connecting with you, [00:22:00] a mom I have been called to serve. The other aspect of a 50/50 life I'd like to point out is that sometimes it's good and appropriate to choose a negative emotion.
After the death of a loved one, after a crummy day, or after a hardship, you get to choose how to feel because you can choose your thoughts, right? From the tray of emotions you can choose from, sometimes it's appropriate to pick up sadness. It's appropriate and expected to feel anger when someone hurts you.
We can choose multiple thoughts as we process our emotions. When complicated circumstances arise, we can choose the thoughts that serve us so we can process the emotions that are appropriate to our situations. In the next chapter, we're going to build off of this concept of accepting negative emotions as a part of life.
I invite you to join me in coaching your brain to [00:23:00] redirect your natural reaction of avoiding, resisting, or reacting to negative emotions Chapter 13: Processing Negative Feelings. "So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help." Hebrews chapter 4 verse 16.
One of the most common responses of my coaching clients to learning that your thoughts influence your feelings is to think, "Oh, okay, I just have to think positively." When they think a negative thought, they say, "Oh, that's wrong. I have to think positive," because as I always highlight to them, this is a simple truth that if you feel better, you will do better.
This is true. But then we end up using this thinking against ourselves because I'm here to teach you that just thinking positively doesn't work to get the results you want. In the [00:24:00] 50/50 section, we explored how if all you have are the positive sides of things, you're actually living a smaller than you were made for life.
You have so much untapped potential, moms. When you embrace that, it's not a problem to feel negative emotion, there's more that goes on behind the scenes. Remember the motivational triad? Our survival brain is designed to help us avoid pain, seek pleasure, and conserve energy. So when you feel sad or angry, our survival brains kick in and try to lessen the intensity of our negative feelings through an act of avoidance or resistance.
What I want to teach you is that there is a process to regulate negative emotions in a healthy way. When you grab the candy bar your survival brain offers you, you take yourself in the wrong direction. You create more negative feelings because you feel terrible after eating it. You haven't moved back into a positive [00:25:00] direction.
You just increased how much negative you have in your life. Now remember how we identified that emotions are just vibrations in your body? So when you feel embarrassed or scared to get up and give a speech, go for it. Those are just vibrations, and on the other side of that fear is accomplishment and pride.
So how do you actually process a negative feeling without adding more to your negative bucket? Step one is to pause. Step two is to name the feeling. Step three, describe the feeling in detail. Step four, question the feeling. And step five, lean into it and breathe. Let's explore these steps with another example.
You're stressed out about an unexpected bill that came in the mail. Your survival brain says, "Avoid that pain. [00:26:00] Go grab yourself some cookies." On your way to the pantry, you pause, then you ask yourself, "What am I feeling right now? Stressed? Angry?" Name it. At first, there may be many names that fit, but pick the emotion that you deem as the biggest, most problematic emotion of the moment for you.
We often have more than one emotion present, but just pick one. Then describe the feeling. Where do you feel it in your body? How does it feel? It could be a dropping sensation in your stomach, a shaking in your arms, a sharp feeling in your heart, et cetera Notice that if you are naming and describing the feeling, what are you not doing?
You're not in the swirl of, "I'm terrible. I should have known better. This is awful, and it's all my fault." [00:27:00] This process helps you get outside of your head for a moment and instead put awareness into your body where you can best process it. Now, we can clearly question the feeling. Why am I feeling this way?
We know that thoughts create feelings, so we can start to work backwards and identify the thoughts that have triggered this vibration in your body. You lean into this process. You breathe and process some more, breathe again, and process some more. This could take you a few minutes or, in some cases, a few days, but it will help you feel better.
Whether you write it out or simply close your eyes and work your way through the steps, this simple system is the key to processing negative emotions without getting hijacked by your lizard brain. Negative emotions are a part of living a full and happy [00:28:00] life. Learning how to regulate those emotions without adding more negativity to your life is a skill that will help you become a calm, confident mom who is in control of the outcomes in her life.
Conclusion: The Discomfort Corridor. I love this quote Brene Brown uses in her writing, which is actually a quote from Teddy Roosevelt. It says, "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming.
But who does actually strive to [00:29:00] do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." End quote. If you live a 50/50 life, you are daring greatly When my mom clients in coaching feels uncomfortable, I help her not run back and hide and say, "Forget this.
I'm not doing this anymore." I help her move through because she is eventually going to get to the promised land. The number one lesson that will help you dare greatly and live in the arena is to realize that everything you want is on the other side of discomfort. The path to hitting your goals leads directly along a corridor of uncomfortable feelings.
Remember our GPS analogy? The place [00:30:00] you start is where you are right now. The specific goal you've set, that specific destination you've punched in the coordinates and are ready to go, the path to your dreams is along a corridor of discomfort. Our brains are wired to keep us away from feeling uncomfortable.
This is why I coach. This is why you can have all of the answers and still need a coach to guide you, to cheer you on, and to get you through the uncomfortable feelings to a larger pile of success. This journey is going to be tough. It's not easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. The person who is willing to feel the most uncomfortable is the one with their dreams every time.
It's important to learn how to process feelings and lean into the discomfort. I had a client the other day tell me, "Danielle, I was avoiding doing this thing for three [00:31:00] months. I felt terrible about what it would be like. Then I processed that terrible feeling, and it took me all of two minutes to feel a shift.
I then finally went and did it. I had kept myself from getting it done because I was so afraid of what it would feel like. But once I allowed for fear, I was just able to do it." If you take away one thing from this book, it is that discomfort is okay. It is safe to feel uncomfortable. It's safe to have negative feelings and vibrate at that frequency sometimes.
At the same time, there is a way to move from feeling negative all the time to being the calm, in control, and confident mom God created you to be. Your life of peace, joy, and balance in the midst of a busy life awaits you. If you want a cheerleader, an encourager, or someone to say, [00:32:00] "Keep going, you're almost there," I'm here for you.
If you want someone who will support you, give you accountability, show up with love, sometimes tough love, and create a judgment-free zone for you to thrive in, I've got your back. If you want someone who can guide your thoughts and teach you new tools and skills to continue upleveling your life goals and dreams, then contact me.
Either go to daniellethienel.com or go straight to daniellethienel.com/my-calendar-page and set up a call so that we can meet and talk. I work with mamas just like you every day, and I help them do incredible things. Things like not yelling at their kids, creating thriving businesses, creating more time in their schedules for what [00:33:00] matters most to them, and walking uprightly with peace and power.
Start with the steps in this book. If you wanna go further and reach higher, here is your chance. Explore options at daniellethienel.com. Until we meet again, peace be with you. Okay, and that, my beautiful mama, is the complete Cyclone Mom method. Every part, every chapter, start to finish. It has been such a joy to hand this to you.
Now, here's what I know from years of coaching. There's a difference between hearing a method and living it out. So next week, I'm devoting a full episode to exactly that. How moms take what you just heard these last few weeks and make it their real everyday life, and what makes the difference between the moms who listen and the moms who actually take [00:34:00] action on what I've laid out here.
It's the perfect sort of cap to the month and the whole series, and I look forward to making it for just for you. I will see you there. Until next week, my beautiful mamas, may peace be with you always Thank you for listening to the Peaceful Mind podcast. If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step of scheduling a free coaching consultation with me.
We'll meet over Zoom to explore options and possibilities of how having a personal life coach and mentor could help you experience the exact motherhood and life your heart desires. To talk through current options, schedule a free coaching consultation today. You'll find the link to schedule in the show notes.
It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey
