Episode 351 Stop Living in a Future That Hasn't Happened Yet
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 351 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach, Catholic mom, and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out, so you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hey there, beautiful mamas. Welcome back to the podcast. I wanna start by asking you where your mind is right now. My-- One of my coaches that I listen to she brought up this question that she heard from someone else that I thought was amazing, and it was like instead of someone asking [00:01:00] "How's your life going?"
You would answer the question: How's your thought life going, right? Like, how's your mind right now? What is going on ins- inside there? Not where, what's going on with your circumstances and, like, where your body is moving around in your life, but your thought life, right? Right now, if you're listening to this folding laundry, sitting in the pickup line, you're standing in the kitchen, you're out for a walk, where is your mind?
Because if you're anything like most of the moms I talk to on a regular basis and if I'm being honest, just like me as well, your mind spends an awful lot of its time somewhere it was never asked to go, the future. You know the one, the brain that is already three steps, three months, three years down the road.
What [00:02:00] is it going to be like when he leaves for college? How are we going to get through the holidays with everyone under one roof? What if this hard thing in my marriage is still exactly like this in five years? What if? And here's the sneaky part. It doesn't feel like worry. It actually feels responsible, right?
It feels like good planning if we are thinking that far ahead. If you just run the scenarios enough time in your mind, you'll then be ready for it, prepared for it. You'll have it solved before it gets here is what our brain tells us. But I wanna-- but what I wanna show you that what's actually happening, because kinda once you see it, you can't unsee it, and that is where your then freedom will start.
That's when the [00:03:00] peace of mind will start to come in, and that's when your brain runs out into the future, and it starts living out these scenarios. It is not actually preparing you for anything. It's just making you feel bad today right now as you're thinking it, in the one day that you actually have.
So think about it, right? The hard thing that you are imagining hasn't, has not happened yet, and I'm here to remind you it may never happen. But your body, as you're thinking about it, does not know that. Your body feels the stress of it as if it were, like, unfolding right now, when you're in your kitchen or on a perfectly ordinary Tuesday when nothing is actually wrong.
And you're paying the emotional bill for something that has not even come due yet. So let me give you a picture [00:04:00] of it. Let's say a mom is standing at her daughter's eighth grade program, and instead of actually being there, actually watching her girl you, you're-- you could have your mind going four years ahead, like thinking, "How did we get here so fast?"
And she's gonna be, leaving junior high soon, and then you're already having her graduating, and you're picturing the empty bedroom or a quieter house, or maybe you're thinking about the dorm drop-off and the sad goodbye. And while this is happening, you're missing the whole program that's happening now 'cause you're grieving for a moment that's four years away.
The future reached back and stole the present right out of this mom's hands. This example that is just one of many possibilities of what you might be doing in your life right now [00:05:00] that is stealing your peace of mind. And here's what I want you to really hear today. Worrying about the future does not create a good one.
It never has. That has never worked. Your future was not built by the past you who sat and spun out every worst-case scenario. It's built by who you choose to be and think today, right? What you think, how you're feeling today, and then what you're actually doing and not doing in the actual day in front of you.
So when you spend today, let's say, anxious and bracing, and you're somewhere else in your head, you're not protecting your future. You're just losing your present. And your present is-- i-it's not the only place you are. It is actually. It's the only place you're [00:06:00] ever actually able to live in.
And I know what I'm presenting here isn't easy to follow through, but you've done it before, and you can get better at noticing when your mind is going out into the future, and and noticing it and then just being more practice and aware to bring it back to the present moment. And this isn't a new struggle, right?
Jesus named it out 2,000 years ago. "Do not worry about tomorrow," he said, "for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." And he wasn't brushing off your real life. He was being kind. He was handing you over permission to set the future down because he's already got it. You were never meant to [00:07:00] carry tomorrow on your shoulders today.
That was always his to hold. So let me give you something to actually do with this that I'm offering you today, because I never want you to-- I never wanna just hand you over a nice idea and just leave you there. So practically, the next time you feel that low hum of dread, I want you to catch where your mind is.
Just notice, then pause and ask yourself one simple question: Is this thing I am upset about actually happening right now in this moment? Not later, not maybe this will happen, but right now. And almost every single time, the answer is gonna be no. You're going to be able to say "Right now, I'm actually safe.
Right now, the house is standing. Right now, everyone is fed and breathing," right? The [00:08:00] hard thing is a story that your brain is telling, not the thing, not a thing that is happening. So that one question, is this happening right now? It gently will pull you out of that future, and it sets you back down in your real life.
And your real life, mama, is so much more manageable than the one your brain invents at 2:00 in the morning Now here is the second piece, because I don't want you to think the goal is to never think about the future at all, right? There is a world of difference between dreading the future and then actually designing it.
Dreading it sounds like, "What if it all falls apart?" But designing it sounds like, "Who do I wanna become, and what do I want this to look like?" One way keeps you small and scared, and the other way, [00:09:00] the designing way, gives your brain a destination worth walking toward. So instead of letting your mind run loose with every worst case, give your brain a job.
Ask yourself, "Six months from now, what do I want to be true about my life? Who do I wanna be in this marriage, in this season, in this home, in this body?" Get specific, because a brain with a clear destination stops wandering into the ditch of every fear. And then this is the part that I love. You just get to treat it like an experiment.
You don't have to figure out the whole rest of your life today. You just get to say, "For the next six months, for the next month," whatever feels more that you can wrap your hands and wrap your head around, right? [00:10:00] Just tell yourself you're gonna practice being her. Like maybe it's a more steadier woman.
Maybe it's the, the woman who doesn't spin on things. And when six months comes, you get to look back and decide what's working, right? You can always re-decide, but give yourself the gift of actually living out those six months or the next month instead of bracing through them. And if your brain fights you on that, I'm thinking that it will.
It doesn't like change. Remember, I offer you that here all the time. It doesn't want anything you'll have to put some effort into. But if it insists that the season that you're in has to be permanent, just add two small words to the end of the sentence. Say, "For now." This is how it is for now. I'm in this hard [00:11:00] stretch for now.
Those two little words remind your brain that nothing is as fixed as it feels. Those little kids and all the hard stuff, they do grow up. Okay? You do move into another season, which by the way, has its own new challenges, but also it has some wonderful, beautiful stuff. And I'm just-- I want you to see, to loosen the grip on what's happening in your life now just enough for you to breathe.
Because here's the truth, beautiful mama: you have already survived 100 futures in your brain right? Every single one of them you've walked through, and most of the ones that you lost the most sleep over never even came into fruition. So today, let yourself come home from the future. Put down tomorrow.[00:12:00]
It is not yours to carry yet, and when it does come, you will not face it alone. You will have today's strength, the power in the now for today's trouble, and you'll have God along for all of it And if you are realizing as you listen to this that your mind lives out there in the future far more than it lives here with you, and you're just tired of it stealing your peace, that is so much of the work that I do with the moms that I coach.
Learning to catch the future trip and to trust tomorrow to God and to actually live in the life you have right now. If you would like help with that, then let me know. Let's get together, talk it through. And as always, my resources or to have a conversation with me and some more help, guidance here on the podcast, all of that information, you can [00:13:00] always find links to it in the show notes.
All right. Thank you for being here today, mama. Take this one with you this week, right? When you catch yourself way out into tomorrow, come on back. Come on back to today. That's where your power is. That's where you can be most effective. Leave the worry to tomorrow's troubles that will-- that you'll figure out, that you'll handle, that you'll have Christ beside you to help and figure out.
All right, everyone. Thanks so much for being here. And until next time, may peace be with you always. Thank you for listening to the Peaceful Mind podcast. If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step of scheduling a free coaching consultation with me.
We'll meet over Zoom to explore options and possibilities of how having a personal life coach and mentor could help you experience the [00:14:00] exact motherhood and life your heart desires. To talk through current options, schedule a free coaching consultation today. You'll find the link to schedule in the show notes.
It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey
