Episode 171
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You are listening to episode 171 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best bomb. You are created by God to be. If you wanna bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel
in the name of the father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Well, hello and welcome everyone. Thanks so much for being here. I am so grateful. How are you? How is Spring going? Wherever you are listening from, I hope that you are having some sunshine and things are starting to bloom for you and you're actually getting excited for summer. If not, don't worry because the next episode, I'm gonna have a really good one for you, for any of moms who are anxious about the upcoming months and what that might entail.
Be, before we start today's podcast, I just wanna ask you a couple questions, especially if you are longtime listeners. Okay, so if you've been listening for a while, I have been giving you some tools and concepts about life coaching and how it can impact your life in such positive ways, and I am so hopeful that you.
Apply some things and are adapting the changes and are just seeing your life and your world in a different way. If you are calling on your faith more than you have ever before, that would be like the biggest compliment that I could get. But I want you to just kind of ask yourself. Am I going at this alone?
Am I creating the same results in my life? Am I just consuming and learning and hearing and listening to this information, but I can't take it to the next level where it's actually like I'm seeing the changes in results in my life. And if so, I just want to ask you to just kind of contemplate why would I not.
Then take it to the next level. And in this case, when I offer you all that, you can come explore what it would be like to work with me on a ongoing basis. I have a group life coaching program, which could then always give you. The support that you need, the real life applications to what's going on with the details and circumstances of your own life.
Or if it's something where you wanna work privately with me, that is an option. I just wanna invite you that at least. In the free call that I offer, you will be able, we'll be able to connect, we'll be able to talk and converse, and just that in itself is such a gift for us to connect as faith-filled moms of understanding.
And then I promise that I will give you a taste like you get to try out life coaching and you will walk away from that call. Insights with strategies, with a mini plan that you for sure could continue to work on your own. And then also I can offer an opportunity to see if that we are a fit right now in your life.
It's just interesting for me to just to ask you that, like why now? Why is the perfect time now for you? You know, have a life coach for yourself. Okay. I just wanted to start this podcast with that gentle reminder because I know recently in my own life there's been something that I've been just kind of thinking about and hoping and wishing and like kind of staying on the back burner about.
And I went ahead and I pulled the plug, I went for it and I'm now as I'm like in it, Progressing. I'm like, I asking myself, why didn't I do this sooner? What kept me from this? And I always know the answer to that. And it was literally my limiting beliefs, my limiting thoughts of what was possible for me or right timing.
And so I just thought that some of you might be thinking about that too, but. You owe it to yourself to explore, to try to at least open yourself up and gather as much of the information that you can to make a right decision. And sometimes we literally just need to throw our, our body over the fence and, and stop sitting on top of it and just get in there, get massive action.
Just have our skin in the game and be in the arena as Brene Brown would say. So anyways, okay, let's dive in. And I love this topic. I actually taught this workshop, this how to love harder workshop in. A Reese, another coaching venue. And so I wanted to bring it to you all today and it's, there's not gonna be much to it in the sense of how long I'm gonna talk and how much I'm gonna explain.
I literally am gonna just laser focus to the heart of it on how to love harder, because we can make it complicated. But it really is simple, just like love is. So this is how you can become someone who loves harder. Let's just first start by talking about what love is. Okay? Love is not complicated. It is a feeling.
It is a feeling of also like a combination of joy and appreciation sort of wrapped. It is love is strength. Okay? And then this is what love is not. It's not weak and love is not hurtful. And when we love someone, we wanna do it with all of our heart. But that is not easy. But ultimately, what I want you to know, Is that it is always the best choice and it is worth it if you choose love.
Okay, so let's just easy reminder that love is not hurt. It's not weak and it's not simple, but what it is is it's not complicated. It's strong and it's joy and appreci. And it is the best choice. So loving harder means that we have to love people who don't love us back. Okay? And that is what loving harder looks like.
It's choosing love to other humans when they do not exude the words or the actions that we would deem are. That they don't love us back. And this could be in a variety of situations in our lives, such as when we've got difficult relationships with a family member, or when we encounter someone who seems to dislike us for what we think is no reason at all.
And in these situation, it's important to love them hard and not to give up on loving them. And we, we can do this by being kind. We can do this by being forgiving. Which always really forgiveness, you know, is for us, when we forgive someone, we're the ones that feel that effect and understanding, even if they don't reciprocate those feelings, like how many times can we think about this with our children, right?
Like when we have this constant, like they have this unconditional love and even when they make mistakes or do something that you know, others would think is like horrible. Or if they you know, just, again, when they're learning and they're, they're being manipulative and they're being you know, just trying to figure out like life and grow up a lot of those things, like you can see how we might not like what they're doing in the moment, but in those times we love.
Right. We love them. And another way to love harder is to let go of our self-imposed manuals. Okay? This is the, this is the second main point on how we love someone har someone harder. So we carry around these unwritten expectations of others, and when other people don't meet those expectations, this is when we can become frustrated and disappointment disappointed.
And we call these in the in life coaching, we call these like the manuals, this set of made up kind of instruction book and expectations that we have of other people. And most of the time if you opened up one of these invisible manuals, you would see that they would. He should. She should. They should.
Right. It will say whether it's a manual about what a good spouse should be like, what good kids, you know, are what a good mother-in-law should do, what a daughter-in-law should do. And we, we carry these around for ourselves too. I should, in order to be a good kind mother. These manuals that we carry around for everyone just is how we think people should be and how they should act.
So in order to love harder, We want to love people who aren't following those manuals. I mean, ultimately, I would love to help you learn how to set down those manuals, right? And, and, and not have them. But in a sense, when they come up for you, like, oh, he really should do this. He should be taking the garbage out without me asking him, then we want to we wanna love people even though they're not following that manual.
Because it's just going to increase our frustration and disappointment because that's what happens with us when we think other people should act a certain way and when they're not acting a certain way, that's what causes us, right? We, we choose to love them anyway. For who they are, all of their flaws and all, and accept them as they are.
And I know when it comes to manuals and loving ourselves, this is what we also, how we want other people to not have all these expectations for us, right? So why should you love harder in these situations? I mean, it's not just for the benefit of others, and they definitely do get benefits from that, but it's mostly for our own benefit.
When you choose to love harder, it helps you grow in all the things you want. Patience, empathy, understanding, it makes us feel good just in the long run. Love is always the best choice, so it's gonna be the most serving feeling that we could choose. And love is also a reflection of God because we are made in his image.
And this means that we all have the capacity for love at our core. That's who we are at our core, that it's always flowing. It's, I I love the, I love to picture where, you know, the sun is always there, yet some days we don't see it. Some days it is covered up by cloud. Or if it's co, you live in the city and it's covered up by, you know, a building in between.
And you might not see it, but it's still there. And I just want you to know that love is always there, even though it's harder to get to because there's clouds in the way, or maybe for us, there's lots of thoughts of judgment in the way and it just makes it harder. But it is always there just like, just like the sun is, and knowing that.
It's always there and we can choose and tap into it, and we can let it guide our actions. And let love guide your decisions because again, it's a choice. And most importantly, to know it's a feeling. And when we talk about feelings here, I reference the self-coaching model of the life coach school. And if we're talking about the model, this feeling of love goes on that F line.
On the feeling line. So the next time you find yourself in a challenging situations, this is where we could tap into model wise and ask are these actions out of love? If not, then what could I think about this person or this situation? Or what somebody said or what's happening, what could I think about it that would adjust me to feeling the feeling of love?
And in that moment, if you do that, you are choosing to love harder. I want you to know that these three things will keep you from loving harder, and that is scarcity judgment. And. Whether it's judging other people, judging yourself, whether you've done something that your brain is telling you is is embarrassing or shameful, or if you're feeling like lack and constricted and without it is going to make it very difficult for you to tap.
To the two things that I want you to see are what it takes to love harder, and that's loving people who don't love you back, and loving people who aren't following your unmet expectations. So when you are in scarcity, judgment and shame, that will make it more difficult for you to. Harder. And we want to bring yourself back to love is always there.
It is always a choice, and it is the best choice. And knowing that when you choose to love harder, it will help you. It will serve you. It will feel good to you and it will benefit you. And I'm always telling my clients, my moms. That focus on you is what I'm after, but for the reason, because it will overflow, it will extend to your family, to your community, to the world.
You become an example when you focus on having yourself choose love and loving. That becomes the example that everyone else can then see and benefit from, but you first have to get there yourself. And I hope that just simply talking about what love is and what it isn't and how it's always there and it's possible for you and.
When you choose love, when people don't love you back or choose love when they're not following and meeting your expectations, that will be when you will be loving harder. Okay, everyone, I hope you take this and see in your life and area and relationships and make connections and and encounter situations where that before listening to this, you might not have chosen love and then you do chose love.
Just know. You are doing it, and I'm so very proud of you. And just to expound on everything I said, I want you to know that I love you all so very much, and I'm so glad you are here. I hope you have an amazing week, and I will talk to you again soon. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of The Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Are you ready to take everything I teach you here and put it to work for your own? To really learn how to have peace of mind no matter what is happening around you. If so, I'd love to have you as a client, as your coach. This is where you'll get personal and focus time on your own mind, using life coaching tools, concepts, and proven life, transforming wisdom, all through a faith-filled lens.
To learn more about how we can work together, come on over to daniellethienel.com there you'll see how to sign up for a free coaching consult and learn how to get started. Until next time, peace be with you always.
