Episode 292 Transcript
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 292 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom you are created by God to be. If you wanna bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Thienel.
In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hello there. Beautiful Mamas. Welcome to another. Episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Before we jump in, I wanna do a little reminder. I am going to have links in the show note. If you want to check out one of my five available books. Some of them you can buy the [00:01:00] audio and digital versions that come with a little bonus.
And then some are only available in paperback. But the information will be in the show notes of this episode. My five books, the Cyclone Mom Method. This is my signature process to help all of you moms learn how to feel more calm, in control and confident in your life. You don't want ot miss this foundational book.
Then I have if you are struggling with time management, you will want the Divine Time Solution. The Peaceful Mind Bible for Busy Moms is such a beautiful reference to have on hand to put a copy when you near, where you will have just a minute or two. They're short, but powerful and mighty chapters. Some are just a page or two that help you with all kinds of things that busy moms are dealing [00:02:00] with or things that rob your peace.
Then if you're looking for a daily devotional. 365 days. You will want the Happy, Healthy and Holy Daily Devotional. And then lastly, my newest book, Divine Abundance, having to do with unlocking prosperity, bringing more prosperity into your life. And it is through Faith Focused Finances.
There is a self-study course that you can purchase, and then also with the time management Divine Time solution, that is also a self-study course where you will have step-by-step videos from me and accompanying worksheets and PDFs that will guide you to take back control of your schedule.
[00:03:00] So I just wanted to do a little reminder at the beginning here that I do have books and courses that are available for you to purchase and they will help you in the areas that us busy moms are struggling with. Thank you for allowing me to give that invitation.
And now I want to dive in to this week's podcast where I am going to provide you five mindset shifts. I should have said essential mindset shifts, but five mindset shifts for a peaceful mom life.
Okay? These five things, if we take upon and redirect our minds and brains to more on a regular basis and start practicing, you are going to have a flood of peace into your life. All right, so I'm glad you're here with me today 'cause I think this is important stuff and I just wanna ask you a little simple question.
I want you to ask you [00:04:00] something really honest. How often do you find yourself caught in the same mental loops, worrying about whether you're doing enough, maybe the loops are about guilt, about choices that you've made. How about loops of comparison with your real life to everybody else's life that maybe you see on social media?
If you are nodding your head, you're definitely not alone. I, myself fall culprit to these things on occasion, not as much as I used to because of the work that I've done through coaching. But mamas the way we think about our daily challenges. The way we think about our children's behavior, the way we think about our own performance as moms has everything to do with whether we experience peace in our lives or chaos in our lives.
And today I wanna share [00:05:00] five mindset shifts that have the power to completely change your experience of motherhood for the better. And they aren't just these feel good kind of offerings. They really are practical ways to reframe your thinking that will help you navigate everything from sleepless nights with newborns to anxiety over our teenager's choices from managing a busy household to supporting our adult children through their own life challenges.
All right, let's begin. Mindset shift number one. The shift is to move from a fixing mentality to a witnessing mentality. This first shift, it is moving from trying to fix everything to learning, to witness what's happening and to witness with love. Okay? As moms, we have this deep [00:06:00] instinct to solve the problems that.
We're faced with our families to repair them, to make everything better for our children. Like I get it. This is like innate, but here's what I've learned. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is simply just witness your child's experience without immediately jumping in to fix it. And this applies whether you're watching your toddler struggle with independence, your teenager navigating friendship dramas, or your adult child who they're working through, maybe some career disappointments.
Your presence and your validation of their feelings about, what's going on in their lives. They matter more than your offered solutions. Because moms, when we're in constant fixing mode, [00:07:00] we send this message that that problems are emergencies and that our children maybe can't handle difficulty.
But when we learn to be aware first and witness first, to really see and acknowledge what they're experiencing at the moment, we give them the gift of feeling understood. I know we, as moms and wives and even with our friendships, we just wanna be seen, heard, and felt like we're understood right before, before we feel corrected.
Now, this doesn't mean that you become like just, a passive mom. That, that you never offer help. It just means that you pause before jumping in to fix and correct and solve in this pause. You wanna really see what's happening before you then decide [00:08:00] what needs to happen next. And sometimes, they do need your solutions.
I know there's a time and place, but are you someone who is trying to solve things all the time? Because I think that more often they need your presence. So that is mindshift number one. Now let me just offer you what that might look like with our thinking. So here would be a fixing thought that a mom would have.
My teenager is upset about not making varsity. I need to call the coach and figure out how to fix this situation. My daughter, my adult daughter is struggling in her marriage. I should give her a list of things she needs to do differently. My child's having a hard time with math. I need to immediately find a tutor and create a study plan.
Like this is the fixing mentality. And so instead, here are the thoughts that would fall into the [00:09:00] witnessing categories. So in regards to the teenager not making varsity, it would be something like, my teenager is really disappointed about not making varsity. Let me sit with them and understand what this feels like for them about the adult daughter.
You could say she's going through a difficult season in her marriage. I'm going to listen and validate her experience before I offer any advice. And then with the math example, the witnessing thought would be, my children is frustrated with math. I get it. I can see this is hard for them, and I want them to know that I believe in their ability to work through these challenges.
Now, again, these aren't things you might say to your children. I'm offering you today the the thinking behind it. Because when you have this switch, this shift from the fixing and [00:10:00] solving to the witnessing and seeing and understanding mentality, if you are thinking these thoughts, like these examples I'm giving you, you are then going to feel differently and you're gonna act differently from that.
You're already gonna show up from a more calm, peaceful, supportive way. Let's go to mindset shift number two. That is moving from controlling your outcomes to influencing character. So what this is it's releasing the need to control outcomes and focusing instead on influencing character.
It's, that's the easiest way I can just describe it. So this one is especially hard, right? Because we care so deeply about our children's success and their happiness. But as I have been reminding you again and again, we cannot [00:11:00] control right? Other people. And so in the examples I was giving you, we can't control whether your child makes the team, gets into their dream college, if they choose the right career or they marry the right person. You can't control their personalities their natural abilities. You cannot control how the world responds to them.
But what you can do is be an influencer and influence their character. And what I mean by this is, their integrity, their resilience. When things get hard, their compassion. You can influence their work ethic. You can influence their ability to bounce back from disappointment, right? You can teach them the all important, that their worth isn't tied to their achievements, and that failure is just information, right?
It's not like your identity that is matched [00:12:00] with failure. So we do this first. I always say to, especially to my clients and to all of you out there, that the first way we do this is that we learn the tools to mental and emotional wellness ourselves first, right? This is why I say I just, I coach. My client in front of me, but I know that it's gonna impact their spouse and their children, their whole family, and anyone really you come in contact with.
Because when you learn how to just control what you have control over, which is yourself, and you become the person that has these character traits that you want, this is, you become the example to others, and this is how you influence them. So this shift that I wanna try and control people to influence them this comes like you can actually, you can enjoy watching your children's [00:13:00] lives and personalities like unfold instead of constantly worrying whether they're meeting certain criteria you have or benchmarks you think they should meet.
The whole mindset from controlling to influencing it frees you, right from the exhausting job of trying to manage our children's entire lives. And it allows you then to focus on what you actually can control. Your val, your own values that you wanna model to them, the environment you create.
Okay. So let's do what we did with the first one. Let's try and let me try and give you what that looks like as far as the thoughts you might choose. So the first one that's more of a controlling thought is I need to make sure my child gets into the advanced program so they'll be successful in high school.
Okay. Another kind of controlling thought would be, if I don't intervene, my [00:14:00] teenager will make the wrong college choice and ruin their future. I have to admit, especially if you've listened to some recently past episodes here, that thought did cross my mind. I was just recently myself going through this controlling type mentality, trying to get my son to go to a particular choice or feeling like he may make a wrong one.
And then third example I have for controlling thought is my child needs to choose a more stable career path. I have to convince them to change directions. Okay. And so this is what influencing thoughts would sound like in your mind if you were choosing to think them. I'm gonna focus on teaching my child to work hard and bounce back from disappointment regardless of which program they're in.
I'll help my teenager think through their options and trust that they can learn from whatever path they choose. [00:15:00] And I'm proud of my child's courage to pursue their passion, and I'll support their growth through whatever challenges come. All right. Mindset shift number three. This has you moving from reactive thinking to responsive thinking.
So this third shift is moving, and I'm also gonna say reactive parenting. And responsive parenting, right? Because those are the results that we get from this mindset. So reactive parenting is when your child's behavior immediately triggers your emotion and you respond from that kind of triggered place.
It's when you and when we wanna be more responsive, that means we need to create a pause between what they do and how we respond. Again, it's always this great pause that's pausing is gonna be your best [00:16:00] friend to create peace. We all have triggers, right? Those moments when our children's choices of attitudes immediately send us into that fight or flight mode.
Just feel my face getting so hot. Remember, it's when they're disrespectful, when they make the same mistakes repeatedly when they're struggling with something that feels familiar from your own childhood. That is when we will send our lower brains. Our reptilian brains are survival brains.
That is when they will want you to just react. Knee jerk reaction. But the responsive shift that I'm opening you up to, that will bring you more peace. It's, it doesn't mean you won't actually feel those big emotions, but it means you will feel them without [00:17:00] immediately acting from them. You create space to ask yourself something like, what does this situation actually need from me right now?
Or one of my favorites. What would love do here? Okay, everyone, if you have a chance, if you're somewhere where you can pause this and you can get a piece of paper and write it down, those two questions will help you be a mom if you ask them more often when situations arise. You are going to have more peace in your life.
Okay, so let me repeat those just in case you wanna write them down. What does this situation actually need from me right now? And what would love do here? That's so good. Okay. Like the skill from going from a reactive mindset to a responsive mindset, it is especially important as our children get [00:18:00] older and the stakes feel a little higher, right?
Because the way we respond to a three-year-old's tantrum, teaches them about emotional regulation. The way you respond to a 16 year old's poor choices teaches them about accountability and unconditional love. Okay, like I've done with the others let's go to what it actually would look like to have a reactive.
Thinking before we wanna shift to responsive. So here's some thoughts of a, that a reactive person would be thinking, my child just lied to me and I'm furious. They need to know how unacceptable this is right now. My teenager missed Curfew again. I'm so angry. I could scream and I'm taking their car away immediately, or my child made a financial mistake.
I warned them about it. I need to tell them I told you okay. So a responsive thought, responsive thinking. In these kind of situations that I've offered, they would [00:19:00] sound more like this. My child lied and I'm really upset about this. Let me take a breath and think about what they need to learn about honesty and how I wanna do it in a way that is of integrity.
For me and for them, my teenager broke curfew. Yes, and I am very disappointed, but I want to stay calm and I want to have a conversation about trust and safety in a calm way. My child is dealing with the consequences of their choice. They probably need my support right now more than criticism. So those kind, that kind of thinking is what I would describe as responsive, as opposed to reactive.
And this is [00:20:00] an essential mind shift to have a peaceful mom life. Okay, we still have two more mindset shift number four. Ah, man I I probably might sound like I'm on repeat. But that's okay. Some of these points that I make on the podcast, they bear repeating over and over again.
And some of you come new to the podcast and you just start with the very last one, and. Even the ones who have been listening a long time, you're, we're nearing up the three hundreds right now. I like that you would hear from me over and over again, and maybe it hits in a different way or maybe you're in a different place in your life.
So I'm gonna, I'm gonna just go with it. The mindset shift is from comparison to celebration, this fourth shift, both in how you view your children and how you view yourself as a mom is where I want to apply this, right? Because comparison truly is the thief of [00:21:00] joy, and it's especially destructive in motherhood because it makes us miss our uniqueness of our own family's journey.
So your child who learns differently isn't behind. They're taking their own path. Your older child who marches to the beat of their own drum, they're not difficult. They're developing their individual identity, and your quiet child isn't antisocial. They're processing the world in their own way.
And Mama, your way of mothering isn't wrong just because it looks different from other families. Maybe yours is more structured. Maybe you're more laid back. Maybe you're the mom who packs elaborate lunches. That was not me, by the way. And maybe you're the mom who throws a sandwich in a bag and calls it good.
Actually I was the one who paid for lunch at [00:22:00] school. But both approaches can raise healthy, happy children. You wanna learn to shift any comparison thinking to celebration, thinking. You wanna give your children permission to be themselves instead of constantly measuring them against others.
And you also wanna give yourself permission to parent from your strengths and your family's circumstances instead of constantly trying to be someone you're not. And then this is how it would practically look like if we are like opening up the mind of a mom who has comparison thoughts. It would be something like, all the other kids in my child's class are reading chapter books already.
My child must be behind. I also thought this one a lot and thank goodness graphic novels came along finally. My friend's teenager got a full scholarship while mine is still figuring out their path, I must have failed [00:23:00] somewhere. Other moms seem to have such close relationships with their adult children. Mine barely call me.
Okay, that is the comparison mindset, and you wanna shift to celebration thinking. So in those examples that I gave, it would be something like, my child has such a creative imagination and love storytelling. They're developing it in their own beautiful way. My, my teenager is taking time to really think about what they want.
I love that they're being thoughtful about their future, or my adult child shows love differently than others might, and I appreciate the unique ways they connect with our family. So again. Some of you might hear this and be like isn't that, just going to that, that like high positivity and just trying to like, maybe you're not being realistic, but here's the thing, there [00:24:00] is no upside to these, the first way of thinking that I'm offering no upside to your children.
No upside to you. Some of these new thoughts, like the celebration ones, they might seem a little bit out of reach, but if you have some, percentage of belief that they might work, then all we need to do is redirect our mind in that direction and begin to practice them more on a daily basis.
Alright, we made it to the last shift, mindset shift number five. And this is where I want you to go from any kind of perfection mentality of the moments that we have to connected, making connected be more of the goal. So this fifth shift is releasing the pressure to create perfect moments. And instead it's focusing on creating connected moments.
And I know that social [00:25:00] media has convinced us that good parenting looks like. Like elaborate birthday parties. We have these picture perfect family outings or trips, right? Even like the hobbies other people have that might be Pinterest worthy and I don't know, craft projects or something like that, right?
We see all of these things from other people, right? But connection happens in your own ordinary moments. So for example. It's the conversations that you can have in the car after school pickup. It's the 10 minutes you spend lying on your teenager's bed talking about their day. That's if they will let you in their room.
It's the way you handle frustration when dinner doesn't turn out, like you want. It's how you. Think about like [00:26:00] plans when they fall through. Your children will not remember if their birthday party was Instagram worthy. In fact, I was just talking about this with the kids, like all the different birthday parties throughout the year and like what the themes were and stuff.
And yeah, they couldn't we all couldn't remember half of them. Oh goodness. They won't really remember if you had the perfect Christmas morning, but they do remember the warmth of it. Your traditions, the security of your presence, right? Connected moments often happen when our expectations of a perfect moment falls apart.
I just had this on our family trip that we took. You have all this expectation for this one type of tour we were taking. And it turned out to be super hard. There was bad weather. There was someone who got [00:27:00] hurt. And it took way longer than we thought. But man, did we connect through that? It wasn't a perfect moment at all like we envisioned, but we all are have this like new kindred kind of core memory because of that kind of struggle and hardship we have.
So when you have these deep conversations, like during like unexpected delays that happen when you show them that love is flexible and that families can adapt and still have joy, this is what. We wanna shift into. So in practical terms, it would be something like this. The perfect moment thoughts are like, this family vacation is ruined because it's raining and we can't do the activities I planned, or Christmas morning was a disaster because the kids fought over gifts.
I failed to create the magical experience they deserved. [00:28:00] Our family dinner was chaos with everyone talking over each other. This isn't the peaceful family time I wanted. Do you see how that's that? Needs to be perfect moment mentality and we wanna shift to connected moments. So it would sound like this.
The rain gave us unexpected time to play board games and really talk. These spontaneous moments are often the best, or Christmas morning was real and authentic and we work through the conflict and we end up laughing about it. Our loud, chaotic dinner shows how comfortable everyone feels sharing their lives with each other.
This is actually a good thing. Beautiful. We're actually all talking. So these examples, they show how the same situation can be viewed through completely different lenses and it will lead, one will lead to the stress and frustration, but the other one leads to [00:29:00] that peace and connection. Okay. Those are the five mindset shifts I wanted to talk to you about today.
And here's something beautiful about these mindset shifts. They don't just change your experience of motherhood. They will then model like the emotional intelligence and resilience that you want for your children. This is how they really learn from us. They're watching. They see, so when they see you pause before reacting, they learn to do the same.
When they see you celebrate your uniqueness, instead of comparing yourself to others, they learn self-acceptance. Your children are always watching how you handle challenges, how you think about problems, how you treat yourself, and these five mindset shifts become their training ground for how to navigate their own lives with peace and confidence.
You are so important and influential [00:30:00] mamas. That's why I want peace for you. And that is what I, why. I also have this deep yearning for you all to come find out about coaching. Because in coaching, this is what will inevitably happen. You will learn to. Have the tools, strategies, and carry out being that person that you wanna be, that then influences your family in a way that brings you all the results that you want.
It's like a, it's a ripple effect, right? So whether you're in the thick of early motherhood, or you're watching your adult children create their own families, all of these principles apply. The specifics change, but the heart of peaceful motherhood remains the same. Showing up with love, responding from wisdom instead of fear and trusting [00:31:00] that you're exactly the mother your children need and remember.
Don't have to master all these shifts at once. Was there one that you connected with? Pick one that resonated most with where you are right now and just start practicing it, right? Small shifts in thinking. Create big changes in the results of your life. Life and you are doing such important work. Mama.
Not just the work of raising children, but the work of being the woman God created you to be. And that is beautiful, even when it's chaotic and messy. But hopefully this episode injected peace into. Chaos and the mess. Okay. Alright, beautiful. Mamas, again, thank you so much for being here. If you would share this episode with someone, I would so [00:32:00] appreciate it.
And again, check out the show notes, be sure I have courses and books and I also want you to come work with me. Okay? Do you want to be my client? Do you want me to be your personal life coach? I have two beautiful options with one-on-one private coaching, and then my beautiful busy to balance group life coaching program, both.
So fun, so transformational. Coaching has changed my life for the better. I will always be so grateful for the investment that I have made in time and money and just mental and emotional energy because it has paid me back a hundred fold. And I would love for you to have that same experience. Okay, everyone, you're loved, you're capable, and.
To everyone, may peace be with you [00:33:00] always. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools.
To create peace of mind in your busy mom life. And if you're of the Catholic faith like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances.
Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women or a self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my Busy to Balanced group life coaching program, or delve into my signature course Divine Time. To find [00:34:00] out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit.
Schedule a free call with me at daniellethienel.com or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram @daniellethienelcoaching. And also don't forget to get your copy of my book. The Cyclone Mom Method: How to Call On Your God-Given Power to Remain Calm, In Control, and Confident as a Busy Mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book.
You'll find all the details in the show notes too. Until next time, peace be with you always.
