Episode 329 of The Peaceful Miind Podcast - The Price of Peace
===
Speaker: [00:00:00] You are listening to episode 329 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to The Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel certified life coach Catholic Mom and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional, steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out.
So you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life. In the name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hello, beautiful mamas. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. I'm Danielle, a certified life coach for busy Moms, and I'm so glad you are here with me today. I wanna start with something that's been sitting with me for a couple weeks now as I am inspired [00:01:00] by what my clients bring to me on a weekly basis.
There's usually a theme that emerges. It's so interesting and a friend of mine shared this quote from a 90-year-old monk and. Finally when I heard it, I said, ah, yes. This is what has been accumulating here over the last few weeks that has been hitting me as the theme. And this is what she said, that the monk said, if it costs you your piece, it's too expensive.
If it costs you your peace, it's too expensive. Mama, when I first heard that something inside of me just stopped because I realized, first of all, I it's just put into words what I had been just hearing and digesting and coaching on, but it just put it so succinctly. [00:02:00] I realized how often we calculate the cost of everything in our lives, except the one thing that matters most.
We are really good at calculating costs in dollars. We know exactly what groceries costs, what dance classes cost, what the family vacation is gonna run us. We're pretty good at calculating costs in time too. But we know that certain things will happen and we relate it to price. So we know like the meeting will take an hour.
That school pickup routine takes 30 minutes. We know bedtime takes however long it takes, depending on which child is right, negotiating that night, and our brain sees it in time. And then we all know the things that we sit there and calculate is it [00:03:00] worth it? Can we afford it? How much will this cost me in money?
But we are terrible at. Really putting in and thinking about and calculating the cost in terms of peace and peace might be the most expensive currency we have. Think about it. You can make more money. You can even create more time per se. And I know right the way, what I mean by that. Is not that we can actually expand and have more than 24 hours a day, but when we say no to some things and yes to others, we've just, we've created margin in our time.
But once we've sacrificed our peace, once we've sacrificed our sense of calm, our ability to be present, that inner stillness, that [00:04:00] can be our refuge. It doesn't just come back automatically, right? Our brains do not just default to the piece automatically. It really does default to the negative, to the gap, to the scanning for the problem.
And I do see this pattern pretty much everywhere, and maybe you see it too. If not, that's why I'm glad you're here. That's why you're joining me. I'm always helping you to take you to something maybe you haven't thought of in this way before. And I do that in order for you then to evaluate and maybe step into a new path, make a new tweak.
Be more open or willing to a possibility in a new direction. So the mom who finally gets her kids into all the activities they wanted, but now she's driving in circles all week and snapping at everyone because she never has a [00:05:00] moment to breathe. Yep. I'm visualizing my past self here and the woman who said yes, right to chairing the school fundraiser because.
She wanted to contribute, but now she finds herself awake at 2:00 AM right? Thinking about, I don't know, the silent auction donations or feeling resentful that maybe more people that she was hoping to step up haven't stepped up. And what about the mom who's working so hard to give her family the life she never had, but in that pursuit, she's actually missing the life that.
You're actually living right now in all of the gifts and the blessings and the things that you have right now to soak up and enjoy and we're just not seeing it. These just few examples is what I mean by we're trading [00:06:00] peace for progress. We're trading the calm for achievement. We're. Trading the inner stillness for outer validation.
And what I wanna point out is that most that are doing this, they don't even realize it, that there is a trade happening. And that's what, when we think about costs, that is what's happening, right? We trade something for dollars. I want you to start looking at your life and where you are trading things and the cost of it is your piece, right?
Because nobody told us, or you might not be seeing that piece has a price tag. If you, I was just shopping last night and if I think about. The tags on it, the [00:07:00] price tag. Obviously you see something, you like it, you want it. We go and look at the price tag and we do this quick calculation. Is that worth it or isn't?
I'm just curious, what subjects going on in your life right now that you don't feel peaceful about? And think about the piece in that subject and then the dangling price tag on it. What is it that you're willing to say, this is so worth my piece. It's just a new way to look at where your yeses are going and where your are going to, because we are conditioned to believe that stress is just part of the deal.
That anxiety is the price of ambition that sacrificing our wellbeing is what good moms do. I even caught one of my clients on my group coaching call today [00:08:00] that said, when asked and talking about the discussions of where she has changed in her life because she's looking to another person and seeing that they've changed and she's, upset about it.
But when I asked her where she changed, one of the things she was saying is, I think I've been just putting myself last on the list, and that's where my heart breaks and that's where I see that is a big price to pay the cost of her peace. We tell ourselves that once this season is over, or once I get through this project, once this event is finished, once the kids get older, then we'll have peace again.
But what if that's the biggest lie we've ever [00:09:00] been sold? What if that's the biggest excuse that your brain is offering you this year? Here's what I've learned in my many years of coaching. Hundreds of moms. Your family will never outperform your emotional system, your mental wellbeing. You cannot build a sustainable, peaceful home on a foundation of.
Ongoing chronic stress and exhaustion, or maybe yours is chronic people pleasing. Maybe it's ongoing perfectionism. Maybe it is chronic self deprivation. Maybe it's ongoing victimhood
This is where I want you to enter the uncomfortable [00:10:00] question to just put that on the table. What does that really cost you? Not in dollars. Not in hours. What is it costing you in peace? So if there's a volunteer commitment that makes your stomach tighten every time someone mentions it. Is the activity schedule right now, have you feeling like an Uber driver instead of a mom?
Is that standard that you have set for your home, that has you, cleaning and constantly putting the, those, you know, tasks and responsibilities that we have instead of maybe connection with your spouse or your children? And again not all the time, it's not that the things that right now you, you're that, that may be costing you [00:11:00] some of your peace, that they don't have a place or a time, but it does warrant some evaluation, right?
That relationship that drains you every single time you interact with that person. Maybe the way of doing the holidays or birthdays or the back to school time of year, maybe that leaves you feeling depleted instead of joyful. Did you actually know that back to school and birthdays and holidays and Christmas time is supposed to be joyful or has lots of joy to extract from?
What's the real price tag on these things? So at this point you may have bubbled up this question. Okay, how do I actually start calculating the real cost of the choices that I'm making in [00:12:00] my life right now? And again, we're, I'm sure you're making some really great choices and you like them and wanna keep going.
I am really speaking to those. Who are very you can see that there is areas and touch points in your life or things that you're doing that you do believe are taking your peace from you. And I want you to know how to learn to protect this precious currency of peace. And first what we wanna do is get honest about what peace actually feels like.
That's what you're we're after and chasing and wanting more of, right? Because if you've been living without that feeling for a long time, maybe you've even forgotten. It's not the absence of noise or activity like many of you might believe. You can have peace in a house full of children.
[00:13:00] You can have. If peace isn't, it's not having that perfect schedule. It's not the spotless home, and I do love those things. But peace is that sense of inner calm, that feeling of being grounded in who you are and what matters most and how calm and in control and confident you feel about all of the circumstances that you have in your life that are what I call in the swirl of your life.
And then the piece, it's being able to then respond to those things instead of react right or resist them. It's feeling present in your own life instead of this constant rushing to the next thing. It's like an exhale you take when you realize everything is actually okay, even if it's not perfect. [00:14:00] When you know what FE peace feels like,
you start to notice when it's missing and your body will tell you there's like a tightness in your chest. When you check your calendar. There's a sinking feeling when you see that certain name pop up on your phone. There's this internal no that rises up when someone asks you to take on something new.
And these aren't character flaws. It, they're definitely information and your brain, and your body. It could really be trying to tell you something important. If you haven't been feeling peace for a while.
I would love for you to start asking different types of questions about the things going on in your [00:15:00] life. Instead of, can I fit this into my schedule? I want you to start asking, what will this cost me in peace? Maybe your answer ends up being a resounding yes. I can add it to my schedule, because when you ask yourself that question, it won't cost you anything in peace.
It'll actually bring you more peace
instead of what will people think if I say no? You can ask yourself, what will I think of myself if I say yes when everything in me might be saying no. Instead of how can I make this work? Which in itself can be a positive uplifting, helpful way because it might take your brain to help support you, but the little tweak that gets you back to looking [00:16:00] and seeing these price tags attached to different.
Aspects of your life, it would be something like, does this align with the life that I'm trying to create?
And questions are uncomfortable at first. Your brain's what are you talking about? What do you mean you're gonna change things up? What do you mean you're not just gonna take the automatic answer that I say first? Especially if you're used to doing thing. So answering those questions in a certain way where you're just like, yep.
I just say yes to that. Anytime anybody asks me to help, I just say yes. Or anytime I, it might like, I want, I'm in a place where I want other people to like me, then I'm, then I automatically do this. But I always wanna remind you. That how you are showing up now is that teacher for your children. They [00:17:00] are watching.
And I do know so many of you say that I want to be able to have my children to, know and feel good. I was trying to think, our children might not say. I wanna feel peaceful, right? But that is what we want for them. We want them to have a calm in control, confident, balanced, joyful.
All the things that lead us to when we think about are happening creates feeling of peace with us. So just know that when you are somebody. Who is really onto themselves, what clearly cost you your peace and brings you your peace, and you have a little bit of reflection before you take on more or do something different or do something new because you want to stop and say what is the price tag here?
How is this costing you your peace? [00:18:00] When you say that again, this is how you are going to be able to transfer that, for lack of a better word to your children, or more likely that this is something they learned because you are somebody who's reflecting and doing that and living this way out yourself.
I want you to, I know you wanna teach them that their needs matter as much as other people's opinions. I want you to teach them that being good doesn't mean sacrificing your wellbeing for others, and I want you to teach them that peace is a luxury that you absolutely can afford.
Here's what I've discovered. When you start protecting your P Peace, like how we are, is like fierce mama bears when it comes to protecting [00:19:00] our children. Imagine that same fear fierceness with protecting your peace and how it will benefit you and how it will benefit everyone around you. Your children will get a mom who's present.
Instead of frazzled, your husband will get a wife who responds instead of reacts. Your friends get the authentic you instead of the people pleasing version, and you get to model for everyone in your life what it looks like to live with intention and boundaries. And like from a little practical point here, I am not suggesting like you just have to say no to everything, right?
Or, change everything and pull the kids from all of the activities. Because that would cost you your peace too with everything that seems [00:20:00] that I'm really focusing on today to help is. I'm telling you and my clients and creating resources that will always underlining the start small and start with awareness.
All we need to do is just notice when your piece is being compromised. What are those situations? What are the people that who tend to trigger that feeling? Notice the language you use. Maybe when you catch yourself saying, I should or I have to about something that isn't actually required. Add more pauses to your life.
Ask yourself, do I want this to be required of me? What would happen if I choose differently? I want you to notice the difference between guilt and conviction. Guilt feels heavy and shameful. It usually comes from disappointing other [00:21:00] people. Conviction feels clear and motivating. It comes from disappointing yourself by not living according to your values.
So start saying phrases like, let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you instead of immediately saying yes. Give yourself time to feel into whether something aligns with your life or just fills your calendar. Practice this phrase that doesn't work for our family right now. You don't need to explain or justify.
Remember, you're the parent. You get to decide what works for your family. And here's something that might surprise you. When you start protecting your peace, the right opportunities, they don't go away. The things that are meant for you will still be available when you are in a place to receive them with joy [00:22:00] instead of obligation.
I've really been embracing this lately where I'm just like, when saying that things that are meant to me, meant for me will happen for me. Or I will get, or it will be there, or I will achieve it. That if it's meant for me, if it's not meant for me, I won't, and that's okay too.
I know you might want to step into worrying about letting other people down or missing out or, your brain might say you, you don't wanna be seen as like unhelpful. But remember what that monk said, if it cost you your peace, it's too expensive. Peace is such a blessing. It's such a gift, and we are the ones who can create it.
Your peace isn't selfish. It's [00:23:00] super sacred. It's the foundation from which you love your family, where you serve your community, where you live out your purpose, and when you protect it, you're not being lazy or selfish, you're being wise, and here's the beautiful truth. When you start living this way, visualizing and seeing what it's costing you or what the cost is, right for peace, look at it as that price tag.
Then you break the cycle. You break the cycle of being frantic. You like peace, stealing, living not just for yourself, but for everyone who's watching and you give other people permission. Do the same right when you hold your peace. As [00:24:00] sacred, you are demonstrating this for your children and they will too.
So mama, as always, I wanna invite you to just try something this week, right before you say yes to anything new, just pause and ask yourself, what will this cost me in peace? And if the answer is too much, then I wanna give you permission to say no. Your future self will. Thank you. Your family will benefit, and you might just discover that the life you're looking for has been waiting for you on the other side of that particular boundary, right?
We don't have to earn our peace. You don't have to wait for a less busy season to claim it. It's available to you right now in this moment with the life you already have. It is created from within. You just have to decide it's worth protecting. And before I go, I wanna remind you that if you're feeling overwhelmed [00:25:00] and ready to create more peace in your daily life, and if your brain is saying, I have tried, and I just, it's not happening like I want, and it may be.
We just don't have the right how steps, and I'd love to support you with that. I do offer a free peaceful mom strategy call, and we can talk through right now what is stealing your peace. And maybe you're to you're just actually to the point where you don't really even know, but you just know you're not feeling the peace that you want to, and that is a still a perfectly beautiful place to start.
And if you love this episode, if you found value in it in a way, like I've never thought that way before. I think it's very interesting to look at things now as having literally a price tag on [00:26:00] them and a value waiting if that price is costing me my peace. If so, I would love to hear, you can always email me and let me know what you think about an episode, and you can find other ways to connect with me or resources that I have to support you for your piece, and you can find that in the show notes.
All right, everybody, I, again, just this visual of a dangling price tag and this question. What is this costing me? Not in dollars, but in peace. If that is something that you take forward into your life, give it a try and see if it doesn't help bring more peace of mind to your life. [00:27:00] Thank you so much for being.
Until next time, may peace be with you always. Thank you for listening to The Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step by scheduling a Peaceful Mom strategy. call at www.daniellethienel.com. You'll also find the link in the show notes.
It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey.
