Episode 339 How to Get Out Of Your Own Way And Succeed
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 339 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach, Catholic mom, and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out so you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello, beautiful mamas. Welcome back. If there is a dream that you keep circling, maybe it's a little business, maybe it's going back to school, maybe it's writing something, creating something, or finally making [00:01:00] the thing that you do on the side kind of feel more official, if you think about it all the time, maybe while you're folding laundry, in car line, every time you get close to actually starting it, there's this little voice in your head that comes up and it says, "I don't really know where to begin.
I don't know if now is the time. I don't know if I could make it work." And then if you can think through when this happens, does it come up again, like six months later, this little tugging, this reminder, and then you notice, oh, I haven't, still haven't done something about it, or you're still in the exact same place?
If that's you, then I'm so glad you're here because this episode is going to tell you about the real reason that keeps happening. And it's, I'll tell you right away, it's [00:02:00] not your schedule, it's not your kids, and it's not that you don't have what it takes. So welcome. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach and Catholic mom, and I wanna welcome you again to the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
But today I'm going to be like pulling back the curtain on a coaching session that I ha- recently had with one of my private clients, and she was in the park, the kids were there, and we were having our session, but she has a dream too, just like yours maybe, like the ones I just described. And of course, I'm changing the details to protect her privacy because I didn't really say, "Oh, I'm gonna talk all about you on the podcast," right?
But I'm taking the essence of that session, and I knew that it would be a topic that would help other moms. And [00:03:00] I just want you to see that I-- and this is what happens on all the sessions, right? I get to watch your brains, right? I believe that she's a mom with a dream, just like many of you. And what happened on our call is something that I wish every mom could watch, right?
This is me catching her brain in real time, doing the exact things that keep all of us from succeeding. And by the end of this episode, you'll know what I'm calling the four sneaky ways you get in your own way and what to do about each one. And I'll be honest with you, I'm gonna tell you a little bit-- I'm gonna inject a story of my own where I totally got in my own way because it's not just something I see in clients.
I work through this all the time myself as well. So I live every bit of what I help [00:04:00] you overcome. And so yeah, like I mentioned before, let's get-- I'll tell you how it all went down. So my client took our coaching call from a park bench while her little ones were playing, and I love that, by the way, right?
I remember saying, "Hey, you made it work to get here." And of course, I say when she's "Oh, I'm so sorry," and, "I might get interrupted," and I'm like, "Look, I chose to coach busy moms. I get it, and I understand." The fact that she's still prioritizing her mental and emotional health, she made it work, and it was such a powerful session, so I'm so glad she did.
But when I asked her what she wanted coaching on, she told me a little bit about this kind of creative business idea that she's been carrying for a long time, and she makes beautiful things, and she doesn't want it to be, and these were her own words, "just a hobby." She wanted people to think about it and she wanted to think about it [00:05:00] as a career, like doing it professionally.
So I asked her a simple question: "Do you want it to be a business or a hobby?" And do you know what her brain handed her? The very common I don't know." And mamas, right there is the first way we get in our own way. It's the sneakiest one of all. So sneaky way number one that we get in our own way to keep us from succeeding with what we want to have or create or experience in our life is hiding in the, quote, "I don't know."
So here's what I showed her and what I wanna show you. When you think the thought or choose the thought, "I don't know," the feeling it creates is confusion. And when you feel confused, what do you do? Nothing. You [00:06:00] don't actually make a choice, and then if you don't act on it. And when you don't choose and you don't act, the result is that you're no further along to where you wanna be or to figuring out how to get to where you wanna be.
So next month, you're right where you are today, still saying, "I don't know." Do you see the loop? I don't know. It feels so innocent. And for many of you who have followed me throughout the years on this podcast, this isn't the first time you're hearing this from me. I talk about this kind of phrase that really keeps us stuck.
So because the-- as long as you d- choose that you don't know, then you never have to risk anything. It's where our brain's favorite hiding place is. You can't fail at the thing you haven't decided on or tried or [00:07:00] defined for yourself. And what moms will say is, "I don't know," and then they'll go poll everyone around us, our husband, group chat.
We'll Google it, we'll go to chat, ask it, hoping that almost that somebody else will decide for us. But their opinions, they add to the noise because this was never a knowledge problem. It's a deciding problem. And here's the one line from the session that we had that I want you to write down, and that is, "Other people will never be able to see it as your business until you've decided it's your business."
Nobody can know what it is until you know what it is. So and then if it's not your own business that you want or it's something else you want, just put whatever it is that work [00:08:00] that you're thinking about that you haven't started, that maybe you have your heart's desire and just swap it out for me talking about this particular client.
So the way out of our looping is not to gather more information. It's literally to make a decision And a business is when you're gen- generating revenue, and a hobby is something you do when you feel like it. And I told her neither one of them is wrong. We, we-- You can... Once you choose, it's up to us and to help cultivate and manage your mind and think thoughts that support that, right?
But you have to pick, because the decision is then what will tell your brain how to think about everything that kind of comes next. So on the call, and I literally was like, you don't... This is just for us to walk through the exercise." There's no contract she's signing that means whatever she decides on that call she has to do.
But for the sake of [00:09:00] showing her how her brain works and what would be next, I literally asked her to make her decision right then on the call. There's no better time than now. And I just asked her, "If you pictured yourself, if you picture yourself six months from now with your business that you totally adored which one of these two ideas would it be?"
And then she answered, and she chose the one that lit her up, and I celebrated that, because for one moment right then, she was out of confusion. And then I love that I got to watch what happened next, because within minutes, and literally minutes, her brain went bananas, which we totally wanna s- expect.
Because remember, the brain does not want you to take on anything big and to grow and to choose. It wants you to stay safe. And so almost as soon as she chose, and when you choose we then [00:10:00] start explaining why the other idea might be smarter, right? So she was thinking between when she knows she's decided she wanted to be a business, and then she had two ideas for what it could be.
And then there was the one that I helped her pick that was probably the harder one in her mind. But the one that she had, she actually had more formal training in the one that didn't light her up as much, but her brain was telling her, since she already knew about she should do that one, right? That it would be easier.
So this is what happens. We make a decision, and then our lower brain doesn't want us to change. It wants us to do ease, right? Not use any energy. And so it started trying to talk her out of it, right? It's so interesting, right? Because nothing about her dream had changed in those three minutes. The only thing that happened is that she made a real decision, and then her [00:11:00] lower brain sounded the alarm.
The lower brain, it just, the moment she committed, it required then effort and risk, and her brain goes into working and talking her out of it, steering her towards something easier, like the practical one. But I stopped her and I said, "I want you to see what your brain just did.
You chose the dream, and minutes later, your brain tried to walk you all the way back to square one." And here's the truth that I gave her. Actually, each decision is going to be hard. The easier sounding path will still be hard And so since everything worth doing is hard anyway, I was like, "Which one do you want to be successful at?"
And when I asked it that way, she picked the type of business, the one that she hadn't been schooled in, to be the one, and she [00:12:00] kinda did it without hesitation. And the fact that you're not confident in something, it's literally, I told her, "It's not a good enough reason not to do it if it's the thing that you actually want."
So sneaky way number three is getting ready to get ready. So this is-- then this is what happens again, right? You think, "My next step is to... Okay, now I'm gonna take a course so I can feel more confident." Now, on the surface, that sounds more reasonable, right? Listen, though, what she did. When she told me two minutes early, she said she was already making these things.
She was figuring it out on her own. She was making some mistakes, and she was learning from them. It was working. This is where, it was her creative outlet. And I pointed out to her, I'm like, "Look at what your brain is trying to do again. Now that [00:13:00] you made a decision to go professional, and then you made a decision between which of the two creative things you're going to do as a business, not a hobby."
So then she picked that. So then the brain, it doesn't stop. It tried talking her out again, right? And it was pointing her to say you're not as educated in that one that you picked, so now we've gotta start learning more about it." Really what it's doing is it's trying to delay you, right? It's trying-- we think that there's something...
In this case with my client, she was thinking even though she had already been creating these products, she then said, "I have to learn more about how to create them." And I'm wanting to show her that, yes, maybe, but also maybe not. Was this really something that your-- Was it just your [00:14:00] brain trying to keep you safe?
Because I had an in- a gut feeling that she already knew what it takes. Soon after the session, she sent me a picture, and it was gorgeous and looked professional, and I surely thought, "Oh my goodness, you must have had training in this." But she hadn't and it was here where I reminded her of the tool of B-minus, because I could tell at this point that she was thinking herself that it wasn't good enough because it needed to be better.
It needed to be more perfect. Because if I had schooling if I had education behind it, then it would be, quote, "better." And I let her know that when you put the tool of B-minus, right? Because perfectionism tells you that everything has to be, like, A+ before it actually counts or [00:15:00] works or somebody will want it or like it.
And, but an A+, that it never leaves her house, right? She just keeps it inside of her house, her products. It helps no one. And so I told her, "Even if you think it's not perfect yet, if you would give it a B-minus and that would work, then that you could then launch it out into the world, and it will beat perfect work that only exists in your head or in your own home every single time."
So perfect and hidden is how you would stall out going after the success or whatever it is, dream or project, again, side business writing a book, whatever's in your heart, going back to school. If you think it, you have to be perfect before you make any actions toward it, [00:16:00] then this is where you will stall out towards your success, right?
And I know you all wanna feel more confident in whatever you wanna do, which in this case, this is why she thought, "If I, just took another course on it, I'd be more confident." But confidence doesn't come before you start. It comes after you take the action and watched yourself do the thing. And if you're waiting to feel ready for whatever's on your heart or, to start or to change in your life, you kinda have the order a little backwards.
So We've gone through three sneaky ways now that come up for us. So sneaky way number one is that we hide in thinking that we don't know which one to pick. We don't know how to start. We don't know if it'll [00:17:00] be, it'll work out. That's the sneaky number way, number one way that keeps us from succeeding.
The sneaky way number two is that we will swerve towards the easier, that we will then choose and take the route of ease. And sneaky way number three is that we will think we need to get ready, right? So we will, in order in, to stop, we won't take action on something 'cause we think we won't, aren't prepared enough or we're not ready enough.
And so then that leads us to sneaky way number four that keeps us from succeeding, and that's avoiding a feeling. And this is now we get to go to the deepest one. So when my client and I mapped out her real next step, her brain then swerved again and gave her a very true objection, and that [00:18:00] step would require her, like if she was going to do this, she would then have to talk to people she didn't know.
And she told me that she's not a naturally social person. So I asked her, "When you picture doing that, doing the what right now your brain is telling you is scary, what actually happens in your body?" And she said she had a tightness in her chest. And I said, "Okay, so here's what's actually standing between you and your dream.
A tight chest." "That's right." And I added, "And maybe sweaty palms? Maybe a lump in your throat for a few minutes?" I'm like, that's it. That's actually what is keeping you from the success that you want in whatever new endeavor you wanna encounter is because you're avoiding a feeling. You're avoiding the feeling which is a vibration in your body, and in her case was a tight chest, sweaty palms, and a lump in her [00:19:00] throat.
Your lower brain is literally treating, like in her case, a conversation that she would have with a h- another human being like a life or death threat But that's okay because that is its job. It's literally telling you, "Do not do this." It'll s- tell you, "You will not survive." But the truth is you will feel uncomfortable for a few minutes.
Nobody wants to sign up for sweaty palms and a lump in your throat. But you'll be-- you'll still be alive, and you'll be one step closer to that dream business that you want. So the real question I asked her is the question that I want you to ask yourself. Are you willing to feel a tight chest here and there in exchange for your dream, the calling you have, the thing that would light you up and bless you and other people?
Because that's the [00:20:00] actual price. That is what's keeping you stuck and away from succeeding. It's-- That's how you are letting yourself just be in your own way, is because you don't wanna feel a feeling. The price of your dream is feeling negative emotions
And mama, I know you have already proven that you can pay that kind of price. 'Cause many of us carried and birthed or adopted our children, and when we did that, we signed up for hard on purpose, right? We were signing up for morning sickness, sleepless nights, the unknowns of all of it, but we all chose it anyway.
Why? Because we wanted what was on the other side. And starting your thing, I'm doing quote marks in my hands as I say that, your thing, whatever your thing, [00:21:00] whatever... I remember the really calling in my heart to write a book, and that was the same thing. I had to make decisions, and I had to go through negative emotions.
But it never it just, whatever is in your heart, it's gonna still be there. So There is like this little kind of gestation season where you're building and starting and failing and making mistakes and trying things and nothing comes of it yet. And then just like our kids, like there'll be this like learn to walk kind of season where you'll wobble and fall and then someone will say no to you and then we'll have to feel the feeling of rejection.
That's like when a toddler falls down when they're learning to walk. Like we don't make that, like we don't reject them because [00:22:00] of that. So it's not a rejection to yourself. It's just, again, I'm showing you a negative feeling. So I just want you to reframe. So if you are somebody out there who literally has a dream in your heart a desire to do something different just feel like you're called for something else.
And again, the example I gave on this episode was my client who was wanting to take something that has been like a hobby and turn it into a professional kind of side business I want you to see that we're literally just keeping-- We're getting in our own way from success, and I gave you those four ways that are pretty sneaky that holds us back.
But I wanna give you the reframe that I think [00:23:00] ties all four of these sneaky ways together, and that is that your brain keeps steering you away from your dream because the dream is hard. And your brain is right. It is hard. But here's what your brain is leaving out. It's also hard to carry a desire in your heart year after year and never live it out.
It's hard to feel like you're made for more and you keep circling the parking lot. You don't get to choose between hard and easy. You only get to choose which hard you're going to do. And for those of us who share in the faith, I'll add this: I believe that the desires of your heart are no accidents.
Again, I just mentioned, when I had the desire to write a book, I think I carried it around for a decade with no idea how it was gonna happen. I took that desire to God, and I told Him I [00:24:00] believed He placed it and asked for His help, and in His timing, that's actually where my book, "The Cyclone Mom Method," and even the name for it, how it revealed itself.
And He put the right people in my path. And I also watched my brain try to keep me from succeeding and fighting it the whole way, right? It-- even just, even with my own whole, even business, it t-try to talk me out of it. "Oh, the tech you'll have to learn," or, "You shouldn't put yourself out there." I remember I built my website, and it was at 2:00 in the morning, and I just wanted to pull my whole hair out, which is a lot of hair.
I have very thick hair. And even when I named myself a Catholic life coach publicly there are people who mocked it. And all of that was hard, and all of it grew me and challenged me, and I kept my eyes on what I knew it [00:25:00] was, that there would be a lot of people I would help because of it, too And every bit of it has been worth it.
It's been hard. On the other side of it has been a purpose and service work. So this brings me to the most loving kind of kick in the pants I can give you today. Somewhere out there are people waiting to benefit from whatever it is that you want to do or you wanna create or you wanna put out there or you wanna experience because you will be a different version of who you are and waiting for what only you can offer, even if it's something that a lot of people do.
There's a lot of life coaches out there, but no one does it quite like in my way or my way is what... And so that's where I'm always-- There are some people who want the [00:26:00] way I present it. So my clients, like my client that I talked to this week and inspired this session, like her future customers They are out there asking her like, "Please stop hiding so you can go create this beautiful piece of furniture.
And so that's exactly what I need, and so I can buy it and have it and enjoy it." And whatever it is that you're wanting to be successful at but you're holding yourself back from right now, other people vision, they're wanting you to get over yourself and to get unstuck and to get doing it so that they can benefit from it.
Okay? So that is what I have for you today. And one last thing. If you listened and realized your own brain has been talking you out of a dream, and you wanna have somebody [00:27:00] in your corner catching it the way I did, the way I caught it for my client today, then here's your next step. I wanna invite you to a free coaching consultation call.
You would fill out a short questionnaire before we meet, and then on the call, we'll talk about what you want, what you might wanna create, what keeps getting in the way, and whether working together is the right fit for you, right? No pressure either way, just clarity, which as is the very thing your dream has been waiting for.
All right, everyone. In order-- And to find that link, you can always find it in the show notes of the podcast episode. So that's what I have for you this week, my beautiful mamas. Until next time, may peace be with you always. Thank you for listening to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step of scheduling a free coaching consultation with me.
We'll [00:28:00] meet over Zoom to explore options and possibilities of how having a personal life coach and mentor could help you experience the exact motherhood and life your heart desires. To talk through current options, schedule a free coaching consultation today. You'll find the link to schedule in the show notes.
It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey.
