Episode 342 Overwhelmed? You're Not the Problem (Cyclone Mom Method Part 1)
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 342 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach, Catholic mom, and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out so you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello, beautiful mamas, and welcome to the Peaceful Mind podcast. I am so excited to bring to you something really special for the next four weeks of episodes. I've done an episode recently that told you [00:01:00] about my resources, the things that I have created tools and guides and courses and books, things that you can purchase and have as a resource in order for you to move towards having the motherhood that you want to have.
And one of those resources that were-- that is available to you is my signature book, "The Cyclone Mom Method." And up until now, I have been only able, if you were interested in getting the book, that is, it's always available in a paperback version, and I also make it available with an, a digital version. But on this podcast, I have decided to release the audio version.
Now, it does, the audio version does come as a bonus if you [00:02:00] want to have the written digital version. But I wanted to be able to bring this method to you, my listeners, and I decided that the complete audiobook is something I wanted to give to you. It's the same method that I take my private clients through, but all you will have to do today and the next four weeks as it's released is press play Everywhere I go, when I talk to moms, meet moms, my own mom friends, so much that I pick up on is that moms are waiting.
Waiting for more time, more energy, more certainty, which I recently did an episode about that exact things, those exact things before we allow ourselves and help ourselves to feel better. And I wanted to remove [00:03:00] every single reason for moms to wait. So today, in part one, you're gonna hear the book's introduction and the first four chapters.
And this is where I show you the cyclone itself, where I show you your power within that storm, the real rhythm of a busy mom life and why growing pains are part of it, and I also introduce the key to feeling better. This is the foundation that everything else in the book and my signature process of the Cyclone Mom method is built on.
So a quick heads-up, today's episode runs about an hour. It's longer than our usual time together. So if you'd like to shorten it, and this is for any podcast or any busy mom, you can feel free to pop it on one and a half speed or double speed. Because as I was re-listening [00:04:00] to some of the audiobook, I realized that I did-- This is the first time I had recorded an audiobook, and I was extra slow and methodical with my words, which some of you might like.
But for others that see that this episode is long and the next episode, because I'm gonna be cutting it into several chapters, just go ahead and feel free to put it on a faster speed. And just know it'll be right here waiting for you. So as you listen keep one gentle question in mind: Where do I see myself in this?
Not as a judgment, but just as a, like a recognition, an awareness, because awareness is where your change begins. So where do I see myself in this? Ask yourself, "Is this something that I could apply and it could benefit my life, my family's life?" Okay, Mama. So find your earbuds, [00:05:00] pour your coffee. Let's begin.
Here is part one of the audio version of "The Cyclone Mom Method." Introduction. You have God-given, God-created power to experience a calm confidence in the midst of the storms of life. A cyclone is a kind of storm that draws its power from a calm center. Without a calm center, a cyclone can't move forward.
It can't even carry out what it was created by God to be. Moms work the same way. That's why I chose a cyclone as the metaphor for my method. I want you to tap into a God-given power to be a calm mom, an in-control mom, and a confident mom. I want you to become a cyclone mom. When the difficulties of life swirl around you, it is possible to stand [00:06:00] grounded, firm, and steadfast as you live the life you've always wanted.
This outcome is what drew me to life coaching in the first place. First, for my own sake, and later, for the sake of every mother I can contact and influence. I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed, to be so hopelessly drowning in your own life that you feel like you can't ever catch up, and to feel as if it's your own fault.
You feel so powerless. You might know it's possible to experience joy and balance, but you believe it's just not in the cards for you. I wrote this book thinking of a mom who believes all of these things about herself. I imagined her sitting on the closet floor just trying to catch her breath, maybe crying, most likely grabbing a sweet treat to snack on as she tries to carve out just a [00:07:00] few minutes for herself in a desperate quest to enjoy a moment of respite as she navigates her current stage of motherhood.
I am here to help you. This book is structured in a specific way and is likely different from any other book on motherhood you've read before. To begin, we'll identify and explore the challenges mamas face. You're familiar with these, but don't skip over them. There are insights you need in these chapters.
I'll then teach you the number one key that unlocks it all and that begins the almighty shift from where you are now to where you can be. I include some education about your brain and your body that I wish were taught in common spaces in our society, but are not. I want you to know that there's nothing broken about you.
There's nothing missing that others have and you don't have. I want to include this knowledge for [00:08:00] you for two reasons. Number one, it's not your fault, and you likely believe it is. This overwhelming feeling that keeps you up at night, this despair that things might never improve, and this inability you feel that you have to accomplish your dreams, there's actually a simple principle behind it all that I didn't learn until I was well into my motherhood journey that I wanna teach you here.
And number two, understanding this principle helps you step into the aforementioned God-given power. This knowledge will change how you approach your day-to-day life for the better After this revelation, I give you everything I have, from the five steps of my Cyclone Mom method to a few of my favorite tools to help you get started and follow through on these changes you so desperately want to see in your life.
Now, let me be upfront. I [00:09:00] want to coach you. I want to be your coach. I want to help you personally. If you're in a position for that, there are places throughout this book where I prompt you to reach out and get in touch with me. But even if personal life coaching is not in the cards for you right now, this book is designed to get you started.
It's designed to accomplish some of the major shifts I've seen my mom clients need in their early coaching days. Please read this with an open mind and an open heart. The very first step of my Cyclone Mom method is to call on your faith in your life. I want you to know that I have done this as I have written this book.
I have prayed over what content to use, what words of encouragement to say, and what lessons will carry you the furthest. I prayed for you, wonderful mama, and this book is the gift I felt I could give to you. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, [00:10:00] let's get started. I can't wait to show you the way.
Part One: The Cyclone Swirl. Chapter One: Your Power in the Storm. "You will keep those in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you." Isaiah chapter twenty-six, verse three. How are you feeling today? Honestly. You're not responding to a post on social media here. You can be honest. Are you happy? Overwhelmed?
Busy? Anxious? I ask because this is where everything starts. Everyone can identify whether they are feeling good or feeling bad. My number one goal is to help you, mama, to feel better than you do at this exact moment. At one point in my life, I remember feeling overwhelmed and out of balance with all of the tasks around me.
I had three school-aged children, [00:11:00] I had a job outside of my home, and I was coordinating the build of a nearby home for my parents to move into. I'll skip over the more unpleasant parts of that story for now. Suffice it to say that I was burned out and ready to quit. As if on cue, my body gave up. I got sick, sicker than I've ever been before, and that caused me to pause and reflect I started implementing some of the methods I will teach you within the pages of this book, and suddenly I started having thoughts like, "I have plenty of time today.
While the kids are getting off to school, I get to do what I wanna do. What sounds exciting for me to do today?" I started spending an hour with Christ in the mornings. That felt amazing. I was able to run to Michaels and help my daughter with a project she needed supplies for without it being an extra strain on my schedule.[00:12:00]
My husband needed dry cleaning picked up. Sure, no problem. I got it. I felt at ease and in control with very little actually changing around me. I can almost hear the rebuttal as I write this, "But Danielle, I can't quit my job. I can't leave my life. There's nothing I can do to change my current circumstances.
I'm stuck. I feel hopeless, and I don't think anything will work for me." I know. The storm doesn't stop raging. It might sit dormant for a season, but life's difficulties don't stop coming for us This is why I chose a cyclone as my metaphor for this method I teach my clients. But first, I wanna point out a couple of aspects from my personal story.
The circumstances didn't entirely change. My thoughts were what changed first. My feelings followed, and the [00:13:00] results cascaded their way through my life. I'll speak more about this in depth later, but I wanna plant this seed now. Your circumstances do not create your feelings. Circumstances are not why you feel good, bad, positive, or negative.
The wind, the storm, the swirl that threaten to toss you to and fro, there is a way to experience these things and feel calm, in control, and confident. As I wrote earlier, a cyclone is the perfect representation of life because when I picture it, it never stops. It never goes away. Different circumstances may come and go, but there will always be situations, things, and experiences that are happening around us and to us, always.
That is our earthly experience. There will always be something that [00:14:00] swirls around us. That swirl can be anything. Having kids, somebody dying, starting a job, stopping a job, having to clean the house, pining for your own home to clean, having to maintain your weight or build up your savings account, having a big bill come into your life you weren't expecting, an actual storm that knocks down your house.
So knowing the swirl will always be there around you, my question is this. What do you wanna do about it? Do you wanna always be in the swirl feeling stressed and overwhelmed? Or do you want to learn how to feel in control no matter what life throws your way or what happens around you? Sure, you'll have times where things are great and you don't feel chaotic.
You're going to soak that up as you should. But with [00:15:00] my method, you're not going to be knocked off balance when the swirl picks up speed. What I'm teaching you in the pages of this book is so much more than affirmations and checklists. It's a completely new way of thinking. My goal for you is that when you transition from a time of peace into another cyclone, you'll say, "That's normal," because you have the control to feel any way you want no matter what life brings you.
No matter what circumstance you're in, you have the power to choose your feelings I know that sounds impossible right now. From the moms I've worked with, I know you want to feel in control. You've tried everything you can, and nothing has worked. I know how awful it feels to be out of control in spite of your best, most heartfelt efforts.
I know what it feels like to be knocked down when your flood of [00:16:00] thoughts is no. That wasn't supposed to happen. I don't want this. Take it back." I'm here to tell you that you can take control even if you can't change your circumstances. When the swirl is happening around you, there is a way to feel calm and balanced instead of stressed and overwhelmed.
I'm here to teach you and guide you through this process. When a storm rages, you'll find you have a whole new power that you didn't know you had before because it's within your own brain. Prior to this, you were at the mercy of what was happening around you, other people's actions, unpredictable events, the weather.
After this book, you will feel however you want, no matter what else is happening. You will take action in your life because you have the right feelings to drive those actions. I'm not the only one [00:17:00] who feels empowered and centered on a daily basis. Here are a few words from past and current clients.
Jessica goes from survival mode to balanced. She says, "Before I started coaching, I felt stuck, like I was underperforming and falling short in so many aspects of my life. I didn't believe there was any way I could balance it all. I was afraid to try one more thing and fail, but I knew I wanted to see change in my life.
Committing to coaching was the best investment I could have made in myself. I felt safe, encouraged, and supported throughout the whole process, even when I was most vulnerable. I initially wanted help figuring out how to lose weight and how to clear the clutter and keep a cleaner home. I didn't expect to feel such a comprehensive, all-encompassing sense of change in my life.
But literally every aspect of my day is [00:18:00] impacted positively by the work we've done. Coaching with Danielle has truly taken me from surviving to thriving, and I will forever be grateful for this opportunity to work on myself and soak up this profound knowledge." Maggie breaks out of a rut and confidently pursues God's plan.
She says, "Reaching out to Danielle changed the trajectory of my future. Before working with her, I felt stuck in a rut and like I could never actually pursue the deepest desires of my heart. She turned that lie on its head and revealed to me time and time again the truths I needed to embrace to stop getting in my own way.
She was on point every time. Since working with her, my marriage is stronger, my approach to motherhood is more peaceful, and my dreams are no longer being placed on hold. It's crazy to [00:19:00] think I now have my own business at this stage of my life. I am full of confidence, gratitude, and a heart that is finally trusting in God's plan for my life.
I am forever grateful for Danielle and the work she is doing to help women become fully alive." Lori reframes overwhelm and chooses peace and confidence. She says, "Before I joined coaching, I was feeling very overwhelmed and stuck in my life. I had two very young children and felt like life was pulling me in all directions, and I had a hard time making decisions.
I felt like I wasn't doing enough for myself, my kids, my husband, or my faith. During coaching, I learned that all of these feelings were because of my thoughts, and I learned tools to be able to manage these thoughts. Now, circumstances are the same. Same kids, same house, same amount of time in the day, but I [00:20:00] feel much more peaceful about life.
I learned that everything I do is a choice, and to own those choices is what brings me peace and confidence about my decisions. Life is so much simpler and lighter. I don't have to be and do everything all the time. I also learned how to focus on my goals and achieve them. Danielle is awesome at what she does, and her passion for helping moms and her care for her clients shine through."
Kristen sheds discouragement and embraces possibility. She says, "I was feeling disappointed, sad, discouraged, and even wondering if the goals I'd been working so hard at might not have been realistic after all. I was questioning everything. Coaching showed me the ways my own thinking was causing me to feel so bad and how possible it truly was to achieve the goals I currently [00:21:00] have, and that I could even achieve bigger goals I have for the future.
Danielle, in coaching, provided the relief I was seeking of having someone support me emotionally and mentally. Every week, she shows up for me with love, understanding, and a new perspective. I hadn't considered that my faith is of utmost importance to me. I have loved having a coach who understands this devotion to God on a personal level and helps me see the links between the goals I'm trying to achieve and the worthiness and love I already have through Christ."
Raquel builds confidence and grows in motherhood and business. She said, "With Danielle's coaching on my side, I have been given back control over my brain. I can create the life I've always dreamed of living because she taught me how to let go of limiting beliefs that we all have the habit of letting [00:22:00] circle around in our minds.
I can't thank her enough for showing me how it is possible to bring joy into my life no matter the circumstance. It's funny how I've mainly pointed out how she's changed my life because I hired her to help me start up my business, which she did. I confidently made decisions in my new business that led me to growing and making financial leaps that I would have never imagined possible three months into a new business.
There is so much more I hope to unpack with Danielle. I believe God has truly called her to do great things in the lives of her clients and listeners, and I'm so honored to be one of them Kelly takes control and becomes who she always wanted to be. And Kelly says, "Before coaching, I struggled with making my own decisions, enjoying the journey, recognizing my own boundaries, standing up for myself, and having the ability to [00:23:00] dig deeper into my own mind.
I realized I was giving my own peace and control away to others. I was not showing up as the person I wanted to be. Due to coaching, I was able to navigate life circumstances all while showing up for myself and keeping peace in my life. Talk about a huge win while raising three crazy boys. I was able to recognize who I wanted to be, and I could easily change my thoughts in order to achieve the goals I desired and become the person I wanted to be.
I am forever thankful for Danielle and for pouring her heart out to me, helping me to see the path to peace, and the greatest part is that it was already inside of me. I just had to tap into it." So as you can see, coaching is a joint venture. While my clients so graciously thank me for my time and expertise, I always tell my mamas that you are the one showing up and applying [00:24:00] what you learn.
By picking up this book, you have said yes to yourself and to the voice inside of you that knows there's more to your experience here on Earth. We are co-creating this new life with God. He gave us a brain that works in a specific way, a way that I have come to understand and teach to other moms so they can have peace, balance, and joy in their motherhood right now, whether they have little ones or an empty nest.
The power to feel this way is within you, no matter what you face. Chapter One key takeaways. Number one, the cyclone is the perfect representation of life because it's never ending. There is always another circumstance or situation that arises creating the swirl around us. Take a moment to imagine the swirl around you now.
What are all your current circumstances that [00:25:00] make up your swirl? Number two, you have the control to feel any way you want, no matter what life brings you. List some ways you were able to feel in control before, even when it was a negative or tough experience that you weren't expecting. Number three, when the swirl of the cyclone surrounds you, there is a way to feel calm, confident, and in control.
What this book is all about and will teach you. Number four, this framework I'm going to give you here applies to moms of all situations and backgrounds. You are not so different that the principles in this book won't work for you. And number five, keep going. I've got you covered. Chapter two: The rhythm of a busy mom life "Be still and know that I am [00:26:00] God."
Psalms chapter 46, verse 10. Go back with me to five years ago. I knew nothing about life coaching. I had no Cyclone Mom Method. I was a full-time mom to three kids, twin preteens, and an elementary-aged child. They each had several activities going on: competitive gymnastics, dance, science extracurriculars, basketball, and soccer.
In the kid part of my world, I was driving and shuttling my kids from place to place. As I mentioned before, I was also working part-time outside of our home. My parents, who lived in my city, had an opportunity to move in across the street from us. We knew my parents were older in age, and we wanted them close to help take care of them, so we jumped at the opportunity.
However, the process required conversations that had a bit of stress to them. Plus, we took it upon ourselves to [00:27:00] renovate their new house to accommodate their needs. This means I was also dealing with contractors on a weekly, if not daily, basis. On top of all this, I remember trying to do all of the normal life things: work out, maybe catch up with a friend, keep my marriage strong, and maintain a clean home, to name a few.
I felt behind, not good enough, and stressed, like I was at the mercy of everything else in my life. The contractor would come and tell me a part of the renovation was going to take twice as long and double the price. I was completely at their mercy with no power to change that. My boss would ask me to do something, and I'd ask myself, "Is he serious, or is he just in a bad mood?"
But more than that, I knew this job wasn't something that fed my soul and was just a means to extra income. My kids would come to me with their schedules and events that had them spread [00:28:00] out across town, but at the exact same time. I knew I'd miss one of them, and I didn't know how I could possibly show up as the mom I wanted to be in this situation.
I remember thinking that if my job wasn't draining me, if the kids would just be on time to get ready for their stuff, if the contractor was on time and it didn't cost as much, if my parents were happy about everything that was going on, and if my house was clean and organized, then, and only then, would I feel better.
I wouldn't be stressed out and mad. I wouldn't yell at the kids. I wouldn't feel tired and cranky all the time. I wouldn't have any of these problems if everyone else would just get their act together. I fell into the classic trap that so many of my clients do. I'll feel better when. In the midst of the blame and the victimhood, I just kept thinking, "I'll figure it out.
I'll get it [00:29:00] done. I'm smart." I told myself, "Once it's summer break and the contractors are finished with the house, I'll feel better." But then I got sick with a full body flu that then morphed into bronchitis. It was an agonizing two-week period where I was finally forced to be still. There I was in bed, barely conscious, just me and my thoughts.
I started to reflect and re-evaluate my life and realize that something had to change, especially because contrary to what I had thought before, the world kept going on without me. My kids got rides to their activities. My mom came in and helped with my house. The contractors continued their work without me checking in on them.
When I was honest with myself in relation to my job, I realized it did not fulfill me. It was draining, [00:30:00] not soul-giving, and that needed to change. Quickly, a thought came, and I wanted the money I got from my job. It's good for me to have something to strive for, and I do helping people. So after my two-week illness, I found myself back at work, sitting at my computer, booting it up, and preparing for another day.
I was grateful for my health and my return to work The lock screen on my computer popped up with a serene picture of a beach. The beach is my happy place. It prompted me to enter in my password, and in that exact moment, the Holy Spirit spoke to me. I've had enough chances over the years to recognize it and paused, realizing this was something holy.
It said, "It's time to leave this job. It's time to be home. It's time to go home, [00:31:00] Danielle." Of course, I sat there in my chair dumbfounded, thinking, "Did I just hear that?" You can probably guess the rest. I texted my husband, who had already told me that I didn't need to go back to a job I didn't love, and after giving notice, I left and went home.
The whole instance of getting sick and having the Holy Spirit move me helped me become the mom I really wanted to be. In the past, I thought it was what I needed to do. Help the kids, help my parents, work outside to get money for the family, clean up the house. I thought that is what made me the, quote, "better mom," but all I did was become more exhausted and overwhelmed.
Through a series of events, started from a nudge by my good friend Connie, I started down the path of becoming a life coach. More on this later. [00:32:00] And as a result of my changes and my study, I found my life was even better than I could've imagined. I got clearer about what I wanted. I started deciding what I actually liked and didn't like.
I stopped concentrating on what I didn't want and what wasn't going well. My focus was on going after and achieving what I actually wanted, not what I thought society or other people would tell me to go after, but what I felt like I, as a good mom, should do. I started making decisions and taking action.
I wanted to be the person who has an hour of prayer time in the morning. Instead of questioning it or parsing it down, I decided what time I would participate, what days I would pray, what books I wanted to have present, and so on. I clarified my goals, so I knew where I was headed. I felt happier and at [00:33:00] peace.
My top three feelings had been overwhelm, guilt, and frustration. Now they were in control, confident, and calm. My emotional life upleveled because I knew the source, my thoughts determined my feelings. I felt empowered that I could feel any way I wanted at any given time. I focused on progress and dropped perfectionism.
A tool I teach my clients is the concept of B minus. We'll get more into this later. I found that when I started focusing on getting things done, but not perfectly, I was able to get a pile of results. Things got done. I felt closer to Christ. I am more in the habit of pausing to ask myself, "What would God say to me right now?"
If I find myself rushing along, I remind myself that this is not God's rhythm. He is not found in the [00:34:00] rush. When I'm about to do something scary, he says, "Don't be afraid. Take courage. You're going to learn from this." I now know that nothing was wrong with me. I am not broken. I don't ever have to answer the question, who am I to have this?
The fact that I exist, that I am created by God, and that He knows every count of hair on my head makes me never have to question my sense of worthiness again. I could see the chains fall off, and I stepped out of a trap that was self-imposed. These are the results my mamas experience with The Cyclone Mom Method because what I am really teaching you within the pages of this book is a new way to approach your whole life.
When I learned these methods, I felt a little duped because no one had ever taught me anything like it. If I had known then what I know now, I could have saved [00:35:00] myself a lot of grief in the earlier stages of motherhood, and that, saving yourself months or years of grief from living at the mercy of your circumstances, is what I am now here to help you do.
The number one thing you can do to move your life forward right now at this moment is to accept that negative feelings are a part of a healthy life. We'll talk about this more later on in this book, but I want to plant the concept. Everything you want in life requires some discomfort There are times when anger, sadness, grief, et cetera, are an appropriate response to a given situation.
We're not here to avoid bad feelings. We are here to hold the reins and be in control of our lives and happiness. It is my hope that by teaching you the Cyclone Mom method, you will know how to call upon [00:36:00] your God-given power to remain calm, in control, and confident through all the stages of your busy mom life.
If you are a mom who feels overwhelmed, burned out, not good enough, or like you are failing and falling behind, I am here to help you feel better. I am here to change how your life plays out. And by the end of this book, you'll have the tools and knowledge you need. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Chapter two key takeaways. Number one, in my journey, I felt overwhelmed, stressed, and at the mercy of everyone else around me. I couldn't be happy until someone else made a different choice. Where in your life do you delay joy because you are waiting for someone else to change? Number two, I felt a whisper from the Holy Spirit and followed it, but [00:37:00] my journey had only begun.
Can you take a few minutes right now or sometime today to purposely carve out at least five minutes for silence where you may feel a whisper too? Number three, though my life improved after this point, I realized I needed a bigger change. I learned from my life coaching how to get clear on my goals, make decisions, and take action, be happy, drop perfectionism, and be closer to Christ.
I learned that there was nothing wrong with me, just like there is nothing wrong with you. Take a few moments now to picture how your life would be different if you no longer believed anything was wrong with you and instead decided what you wanted and knew it was possible for you to go get it Number four, the top thing you can do to move your life forward is to accept that negative feelings are a part [00:38:00] of a healthy life.
Go Google feelings list and see all the types of positive and negative feelings there are out there that make up this human experience for all of us. Chapter three, Growing Pains. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians chapter four, verse seven.
In this chapter, I'd like to address the common pains and hurdles my mom clients face on a daily basis. I know motherhood can be so tough. Every journey I have heard from my clients involves sacrifice and difficulty. The age-old saying that, quote, "It's the hardest and most rewarding job," seems to ring true for so many of the moms I work with.
What's more, many of us accept things as our lot in life, and we move forward carrying a brick-laden [00:39:00] backpack uphill without the right tools or help. I'm here to change that by sharing the five most common obstacles my mamas face and a brief explanation of how we will tackle each one within this book.
Something is wrong with me. I feel ashamed. I'm a terrible mom. It breaks my heart how many mothers come to me with the thought that there is something wrong with them. I must have a missing gene. I've tried, and nothing works. Other people do it so much better than me. I'll never figure this out. When you are stuck in this belief system, it is impossible to live a life that God created for you.
He did not create us to despair. He wants you to delight in the beauties of the earth. I remember once before I was a coach, my neighbor came to me and confided that she had yelled at her daughter and said some very unkind words to her weeks prior to our [00:40:00] conversation. She had been carrying guilt and shame about it around with her for weeks, feeling awful and isolated as the worst mom in the history of parenthood.
I replied that I experienced something similar within my motherhood journey. Something I had learned was, it's okay. It happens. The best moms make mistakes. You could see her shoulders visibly drop from the relief that she was not alone in her seeming failure. This is the most common pain I see in the moms I work with.
If you are feeling this way, you are not alone. This book was written for you. It's now time for a self-assessment. If you're somewhere where you can write down your answers because you are listening to this book, I would suggest so. If not, no worries. Just when I ask the question, think about your answer in your mind.
So ask yourself each of these questions [00:41:00] and indicate a Y for yes or an N for no. Have you ever believed or questioned that there was something wrong with you? Do you feel like you are missing something or that there is something you don't have and believe that others do have? Do you feel broken and want to be fixed?
Do you think you should be able to figure it out? Do you think it shouldn't be this hard? Do you think others already have it figured out and do it easily? Have you been told before that you're not good at something? Have you kept yourself from dreaming big because you say, "Why bother?" Do you frequently quit on yourself and feel tired of failing?
Have you ever thought, "If only I could be like," and fill in the blank, "because she's got it all together"? There are a lot of chapters that will specifically help you with these obstacles that you'll find in motherhood. [00:42:00] I want you to pay particular attention to the principles shared in chapter four and the entirety of part two, where we specifically detail the process of calling on faith, connecting to yourself, and finding confidence in your role as mom.
The thoughts we have about ourselves, our flaws, our strengths, and our many hats we wear as a mom matter. The core of my process addresses this vital piece of our existence. If you had even one why, one yes, with the a- assessment, though I know many moms who mark yes to all of them, I want you to know that I see you and I believe in you.
You are a great mom. And if you had a hard time believing, then just stay with me through chapter 10. So the first of the five most common obstacles my mama face was, "Something is wrong with me. I feel ashamed. I'm a terrible [00:43:00] mom." And then we did an assessment to see where you fell regarding that obstacle.
The second obstacle is when moms believe, "I am overwhelmed with no relief in sight." A mom's plate is always full and usually cold. Most of the moms that come to me have incredible demands on their time, like supporting their husband, driving their children to activities, helping with homework, cleaning the house, folding the laundry, cooking meals, doing dishes, changing diapers, and coordinating nap time for my early year mamas.
And I'm sure I've left off a majority of your to-do list. We wear so many hats as moms, sometimes multiple hats at the same time. How many times have you mediated a sibling tiff in the middle of being your family's chef? So often what happens is our overwhelm creeps up on us. We [00:44:00] valiantly go from task to task without much room in between to grab a snack, let alone reflect on if there is a better way.
Our time can feel so constricted as moms. You take care of everyone else, and I know that it often feels like you have no time for yourself. In chapter 11, I speak specifically about time management for moms So now let's take the self-assessment on this second obstacle. So how often do you think these thoughts?
Here's a quick take. Give yourself a score for each item between zero to five, where zero equals never and five equals multiple times a day. More in depth, keep a tally each time you think these type of thoughts to yourself throughout the course of a two to three days. Use the chart below as examples to inform your self-study.
And if you are listening to this on audio, be sure to go [00:45:00] back and write down your answers when you take this self-assessment. For now, just in your mind, think from zero to five where you fall on how many times you think this thought a day. There is so much to do. I'm spread too thin. I'll never take care of it all.
My to-do list is never-ending. I need help. I'm the one that has to do it all. I don't see an end in sight. I'm drowning. I just wanna crawl under the covers and hide all day So initially I had some nice and tidy score patterns here. Zero to 14 would equal that you're doing great and managing time and stress.
And if you added up your answers and they fell somewhere between 15 and 28, that would equal that you feel the [00:46:00] heaviness of time management while still maintaining your cool and sanity. But I realized something. Just because your score is lower doesn't make it okay to think, "I'll never take care of it all," any amount of times during the week, because every thought pattern, positive or negative, greatly impacts the actual outcomes you are producing.
If you feel like you're drowning, whether it's every day or once every few months, I have tools and strategies to help you, starting with chapter 11. Being a mom requires an intense amount of management over time, resources, and people. It is possible to feel calm, confident, and in control in regards to your time and your to-do list.
So the third obstacles that most moms face is, "I'll feel better when..." This phrase is the biggest trap I see when coaching. [00:47:00] We are so overwhelmed with tasks, projects, kids, marriage, and chores. It can be easy and even seem logical to assume that once the outside storm is quiet, we will then feel better.
This is in fact not a true statement, because when whatever event it is finished, things will be calm again, is the perfect setup for disappointment in your future. Instead, we can learn how to harness our God-given power to feel better now, not after soccer season, not when your mother-in-law finally respects you, and not when your husband finally takes a hint and whisks you away to Hawaii.
You can feel better today before anything else in your life works out. Here's a self-assessment about it. Instructions. Below are some examples of answers I get from the mamas I coach. Mark an X next to any that resonate with you. [00:48:00] And I've also left a few empty spaces if you'd like to fill in any of your own answers.
And those listening on audio, just make note in your mind. Does it resonate with you that you think, "I'll feel better," or, "I'll feel happy when..." And then you fill in the blank. you finally get some sleep, if you lose weight, if you have a lot more money, if you finish all the things you have to get done today, if other people finally change, if the kids start doing what I ask them to do the first time If you feel fulfilled in your daily tasks, if it's the weekend, if you get a vacation Will you finally feel better if your husband starts paying more attention to you?[00:49:00]
If your job recognizes how hard you work and gives you a raise. If you start praying more. If the house is all cleaned up. If your mother-in-law stops saying rude things. So there are a few elements to finding calm in the present moment, but the beginning of the process is revealed in chapter four. For now, I want to impress on you that you have the power within yourself to create the life you want, the life God intends you to live, and you can build it without having to wait for anybody else to show up and make it happen.
You've got this, and I've got you. And let's move on to the next common obstacle moms face. "I don't control my day controls me." Not feeling in control ties straight into feeling overwhelmed and overworked, but with a slight [00:50:00] twist. This subset of feeling overwhelmed leaves you feeling steamrolled by your to-do list.
Feeling powerless is a daily occurrence against the onslaught of requests coming your way. What's more, if you were given the gift of being still and having some time to refuel yourself and I asked you, "What do you actually want?" Could you answer? Many of my moms freeze when asked any variation of this simple question.
"I've never thought about that before," or, "I haven't had the time to stop and think about it," is the general reply I get. Do you have personal or professional goals that aren't tied to your relationships or your role as a mom? It can be easy to get wrapped up in your role as mom. Sometimes we forget that there is a person underneath all of the mom hats.
So let's do a little self-assessment on this obstacle. [00:51:00] Ask yourself each question and then indicate a Y for yes or an N for no. Do you make a plan but fail to follow through? Are you easily distracted? Do you have different pretty planners but give up filling it after a week or so? Do you say you're going to do the work, but when the time comes, you make an excuse?
Do you find all the reasons why now is not the time? Do you find it difficult to say no when people ask you to do something you don't really want to do? Do you spin on the thought that you don't know where to start? Do you feel like you don't have enough time on your hands? Do you spend every day on things you have to do versus things you want to do?
Do you wish you had more time? Are you waiting for the next shoe to drop? [00:52:00] Before bed, do you think of all the things you didn't get done instead of what you completed throughout your day? Would you say you're spending the time on what's important to you? Do you make your wants and desires a priority each day?
Do you feel like you are living in your head instead of living in the moment? Do you spend your time wishing things were different? If these questions resonate with you, pay particular attention to chapters eight and eleven where we clarify your goals and help you set a course that isn't hijacked by the demands of your day.
For now, make sure you give yourself a pat on the back at the end of your day for all you accomplished. It doesn't matter if you only got two things off of your to-do list or none. You took care of yourself and/or others. You showed up. I know you are. [00:53:00] You lived this day. Give yourself all of the credit and grace, and I can't wait to teach you more about it in chapter eight.
Okay, the next common obstacle moms face is, "I find it difficult to make decisions." Many moms face the conundrum of feeling stuck because they don't know what the, quote, "right choice" is in a given instance. This aspect is a huge portion of my coaching for some moms, especially because this is a top result I have seen from my own coaching journey.
Needing to know the right path is also tied to perfectionism, which we address in chapter twelve. For now, my basic advice is that every single parent faces uncertainty. The best thing you can do is make your best guess and start going. If you deem it wrong once you choose, then [00:54:00] you learn from it and move on, and that's a win.
You tried something new and learned that it wasn't for you, ultimately clarifying what is for you. It is my goal to eradicate the phrase, "I don't know," from your vocabulary. Confusion keeps you frozen. Get out of feeling stuck by making your best guess and learning from it. Okay, now let's do a self-assessment.
Ask yourself each question and indicate a yes or a no. Do you feel stuck? Are you confused about what to do next? Do you spend a lot of time on Google and research the best ways to do things? Do you wish you knew how things would turn out beforehand? Do you think there's a right or best choice to be made?
Do you ask everybody else their opinions on things? Do you give yourself a lot [00:55:00] of time to make the right decisions? Do you think that there are big and small decisions and that big decisions need more time? Do you keep a lot of things because you might need them later? Do you put off deciding things until it's the right time?
Do you wait to hear what God says before choosing something? If indecision is your Achilles' heel, you'll enjoy chapters four and five about our thought patterns and the way our brains are designed to work. This knowledge may help you gain greater confidence by understanding how your decision-making process is influenced by the way your brain works.
For now, it's helpful to uncover what thought patterns you currently hold. These questions are designed to help you get to know your decision-making tendencies. [00:56:00] Because you have the power to make choices independent of Google's top strategy or your mother-in-law's advice. You are a co-creator with God.
Through the strategies I share with you in this book, you can add decision-making to the list of skills that will help you ultimately live a calm, peaceful, and balanced life. So those are the five common mistakes. And so here is the chapter three key takeaways. Number one, the five most common obstacles mom face are feeling like they are broken, ashamed, or that something is wrong with them.
And if this resonates with you, pay particular attention to chapters four and 10 Number two, feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. If this resonates with you, stay with me through chapter 11 [00:57:00] The third common mistake is constantly thinking, "I'll feel better when..." And if this is you, chapter four will be very helpful for you.
Feeling like you have no control over your day. If you feel like this with any regularity, chapters eight and 11 will be the best help for you
Feeling like you can't make decisions with ease? Chapters four and five will lay a great foundation for this skill. Chapter four: The key to feeling better. "Be transformed by the renewal of your mind." Romans chapter twelve, verse two. Why do we try new things, set goals, or strive to be better than we were yesterday?
There are a lot of good answers out there. I wanna be proficient in a new skill. I wanna lose fifteen pounds to fit into my favorite pair of jeans. I [00:58:00] want to improve because that is what God has asked. Like I said, these are good answers, but are not actually the case. We strive because of the feeling it gives us.
When we hit that goal or fit into our old pair of jeans or really feel aligned with God's purpose, we feel good. We strive to try only to fall down and get back up again because we chase that good feeling. After learning what I have around the reason why we ever want something in the first place, I feel passionate and motivated to share this with every mom I can.
I listen to my friends in their difficult mom moments, and I know I have the framework, which feels like having the secret sauce that can help them. I can't just keep that to myself. The number one part of this framework is this simple principle. Your thoughts create your feelings, [00:59:00] not the other way around.
The power is within your own brain. Patterns of thought and what you grew up believing to be true for yourself is literally optional. Every thought is an optional thought. True control lies within you, not whether or not you have enough money in your bank account, what the scale says, or whether your kids are listening to you.
Take this example. How many times have you told yourself you are going to be on your phone less when your kids are around? Your goal is to pay more attention and to be more present with your family. You feel guilty for showing up with a phone in your hand all of the time, and you're determined to change that.
So you set timers and reminders. You set your phone down. You tell yourself you're not going to feel guilty today, and you probably do a great job with it. But it doesn't stick. You have a bad day, and you're on your phone. You turn off [01:00:00] an alarm because you're waiting for an important text or phone call.
It's just this one time, you tell yourself. Yet the phone use creeps back into your after-school routine, and the guilt creeps back into your soul. Being more present with your kids isn't deciding to put your phone away. If you take action without the right thinking and feeling behind it, your actions will fall short.
I realized this connection and started asking myself why we couldn't just change our lives with action. That is something I've heard throughout my life. It was a difficult concept to let go of. What finally clicked was learning more about how God created our brains to operate. Whenever you have a thought, neurons fire in your brain and create neural pathways, like trails through your brain.
When you think the same thought again, those same neurons fire and deepen that initial neural pathway. Over [01:01:00] time, your brain becomes full of grooves from all of the repeated thoughts in your mind. The more worn the trails, the more that thought has fired in your brain. These thoughts create such strong neural pathways that they become our belief systems.
This system starts when we are young. If you grew up in a home where your parents didn't have a lot of money and you witnessed coupon cutting and being told there isn't enough money, you have thoughts about money being scarce. As you grow older, those neural pathways deepen. By the time you are an adult, money scarcity is just how the world works.
It's now an integral part of your belief system about how the world around you operates. When a person with this belief system thinks about money being scarce, how do you think they feel? What I see in my clients is a feeling of their not being enough within the world, their jobs, or within [01:02:00] themselves.
There's fear in someone with a money scarcity mindset, and there is often shame that they cannot help themselves or their family as they would like to. Can you see how carrying around these feelings of shame and of their not being enough would shape the actions they take? If you address the feelings without first addressing the thoughts that first form that belief, you're not going to change anything long term.
It all starts with your thoughts. What can be difficult is gaining awareness of what exactly your thoughts are. Oftentimes, the gap between a thought and the following feeling is so small we don't even notice it. All we know is that we don't feel good. We remember a time where we felt better, and we start to chase that good feeling.
We do our best to follow a pattern of actions to bring that good feeling back. You might get [01:03:00] that good feeling for a moment, but it fades, and you start the cycle over again. Are you seeing the pattern here? Thoughts create feelings which drive actions. This is the number one concept I hope you take away from this book.
Your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings drive your actions. The biggest thing I help my moms with in coaching is awareness, and it's something that's almost impossible to do on your own. It's difficult to be aware of what your actual belief system is and what you're thinking to support that belief system, even if that group of beliefs about the world isn't serving you.
Where I stumbled in my journey was the next step, accepting that I was causing my own results of feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I wasn't owning it because I didn't know that my thoughts created [01:04:00] my feelings. Instead, I threw around a lot of blame. Blame for the contractors, blame for my job, blame for the kids when they didn't follow directions, and blame for myself when I didn't work out or when I ate a whole sleeve of cookies.
I refused to own that I was the one choosing this. Once you're able to accept the reality that you are choosing these feelings, that the way you're looking at your life is optional, then you're able to adjust. This system of gaining awareness of your own thinking, taking responsibility for being the one who is choosing your thinking, and then being the one to adjust your thinking if you want a different result is the common thread through all of my coaching sessions.
It is the secret key that unlocks those feelings you wanted back from chapter one. I [01:05:00] empower moms to choose their feelings by helping them gain awareness and acceptance of their thoughts. If you are looking for a neutral third party who understands you, has real life-changing tools to share with you, and will support and guide you in this process, please book a time to chat with me here at daniellethienel.com/my-calendar-page, or you can always go straight to daniellethienel.com where you can find how to get in touch.
I can't promise that it will be an easy process, but I can promise you that you won't be alone on the journey, and this process is what is necessary to take on inside of your mind if you want your life to start changing right now. Before we move on, I want you to know that not understanding this process until now is [01:06:00] not your fault.
This is not a process anyone is taught. Like I said before, I felt duped when I first learned this system because no one had ever pointed this out to me before. I'll explain more about this concept in the next chapter. If you are feeling ready for help accepting and adjusting your thoughts and your life so you can maximize your motherhood and feel more peace, you can get in touch with me as I just mentioned before Here are chapter four key takeaways.
Your thoughts create your feelings, not the other way around. Here's a challenge for you. Choose a memory of your life when you felt really happy. Focus your thoughts to take you back to that time. Picture it in your mind, and think about all the details. Can you feel the happiness or sadness of that moment right now [01:07:00] too?
Your thinking is what is making you feel happy right now. True control lies within you. Your brain is merely a tool. It is the tool that God provided to us so we can co-create our lives with Him while here on Earth. Repeated thoughts deepen neural pathways that create our belief systems. To reveal what some of your own belief systems are, I recommend doing a thought download.
This is where you take out a piece of paper and write down subject headings that you want to explore, such as yourself, your family, your time, your home, your work, money, et cetera, and write down all the things about them that you believe are true. This will reveal some of your belief systems around those subjects Another key takeaway is thoughts create [01:08:00] feelings.
Feelings create actions. What do you do when you feel joy? What do you not do when you feel stuck? Can you see the difference in the actions we take when we feel positive things versus negative things? And the last key takeaway, here are the common threads throughout the system I teach: gaining awareness and acceptance of your own thinking patterns, taking responsibility for the thoughts you choose, and learning the skills to adjust your thinking patterns.
The process is simple. However, it's not easy to implement ourselves. But with some guidance, you can make it be something that comes more naturally to you. That's part one, mama. If something in there made you feel seen, that was the whole point. You are not alone in the cyclone of life, and you are not the problem.[01:09:00]
I want you to sit with what you heard this week. You don't have to do anything with it. Just let it settle, and then come back next Tuesday for part two, where we'll talk about understanding your greatest tool, why we all need a coach, and the first step of the method itself, calling on your faith. And if a mom friend came to mind while you were listening, send her this episode so you can go through this series with you or together.
And until next week, may peace be with you always Thank you for listening to the Peaceful Mind podcast. If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step of scheduling a free coaching consultation with me. We'll meet over Zoom to explore options and possibilities of how having a personal life coach and mentor could help you experience the exact motherhood and life your heart desires.
To [01:10:00] talk through current options, schedule a free coaching consultation today. You'll find the link to schedule in the show notes. It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey
