Episode 348 How to Enjoy Your Life Without Fixing Everything First
===
[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 348 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach, Catholic mom, and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out so you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello, beautiful mamas. How are you? Welcome back to the podcast. I am gonna start out today with a, the beginning of a sentence that has a fill in the blank or a dot. And I want you to [00:01:00] notice if it sounds even a little bit familiar to the, the track that goes along, goes, spins in your mind.
Okay, here it is. I will feel better when... Fill in the blank And then I want to propose the question, when what? What is your fill in the blank? Finish that in your head. I will feel better when... Is it when the baby finally sleeps through the night? Is it when we're done living out of the minivan every single weekend for travel sports?
Is it, I'll feel better when my middle schooler stops slamming her bedroom door every time I ask a question? Maybe it's I will feel better when these college applications are finally submitted, or where we know where he or she is going. [00:02:00] How about when the medical stuff with my mom settles down? When my husband and I stop having the exact same argument for the hundredth time?
When we dig out from under this credit card balance? When I feel like myself in my own body again? When this one thing I keep turning over at 2:00 in the morning finally gets resolved? What is your I will feel better when belief, thought, statement? Because most of us have a sentence just like that, that is running quietly in the background all day long.
And it sounds harmless, right? It even, at times, can sound really responsible. But I wanna show you today how that one little thought, that one little sentence might be the exact thing [00:03:00] keeping you from enjoying your life right now. And more than that, I wanna hand you some real practical ways to start enjoying your life more now, today, before any of that stuff gets fixed or solved at all.
Because here's the truth we are gonna work with. There's kinda always gonna be something, because brains-- First of all, that's just the way of our world, and then second of all, our brains are built to go scan and find problems, to find negatives and issues and things that need to be solved. But and my mission here in life is to help women, no matter what stage of motherhood you are in, to [00:04:00] enjoy your life That is one main aspect that pulls and tugs on my heart, which is why I'm doing this episode today, how to enjoy your life.
And then in particular, I'm talking to fix-- to have-- enjoy your life without having to fix everything first. So where I wanna start with all of this is to actually name the trap that I see happening, and the reason, because you can't change a pattern that you don't even-- aren't aware of, that you can't see.
And I wanna put that in the light today And I call this one the when-then trap. Okay? So it goes, "When this happens, then I will feel better." When... So exam- for example, "When things finally calm down, then I [00:05:00] will enjoy them." It feels like a plan, right? Ooh, that's a good plan. But what we're actually doing is a postponement.
You are putting your own peace on layaway, and the payment date keeps quietly moving further out. And as I use that example, I'm thinking, I don't know if all of my listeners will even know what a layaway plan is. It was, like, a long time ago in... I was even young when this took place, and it was in the department stores where you wanted to buy something, but you didn't have the full money for it now, so they would...
You would put it on layaway. They would take it, hold it behind the counter. You would give them just a little bit mon- of money, and then you would make payments on it, and only when it was paid off in full could you go and collect your item. Okay? And so that's what I mean by you're putting your own peace on layaway, right?
And what happens is [00:06:00] if y- you just keep postponing the payment date when you'll actually get, pay it off and get to collect your enjoyment and your peace. And here is why it never pays off to postpone your joy, and that is because life does not hand you a finished, tidied up, problem-free stretch of time and then politely invite you to go ahead and enjoy it now.
That stretch we're falsely thinking is coming is not coming because there is no season where your inbox will be fully empty for any long period of time. There'll, there is not a season where nobody needs anything or every relationship is easy. Your kids move out of one stage, but they walk straight into the next one with a whole new set of [00:07:00] things that we have to then figure out You solve one problem and two more issues show up, because that is just simply what a full and busy life does.
So if your rule is, "I will enjoy this once everything is handled," you have accidentally written yourself a rule that quietly means never. And you, mama, deserve so much better than never fully stepping into the joy that God meant for our daily lives. And the sneakiest kind of when-then, the when-then trap is really sneaky.
They're not really like the daily ones at all. They're actually-- They're the big, kinda quiet ones we carry for [00:08:00] months and years without ever noticing them. So just see if any of these sound familiar. I will really start taking care of myself once everyone else is finally settled. I will let myself rest once the kids are grown and out of the house.
I will go after that thing, that X, Y, or Z that I've always wanted once it stops feeling like it's selfish to do so. My husband and I will reconnect and actually enjoy each other again once we are past this hard stage. I will feel some peace once this one child finally gets on the right path Like, do any of those examples resonate?
Those are the ones that can quietly swallow up [00:09:00] a few years, because the day that you're waiting on is always just one more kinda hurdle away. Now, how do you actually stop waiting, right? How do we overcome this when-then trap? Here's where I wanna get a little practical, because I said at the beginning of the episode, I promised you that this would be like a how-to and not just a nice idea to nod along with.
And so I'm gonna give you four small moves. You do not need all four. Even one of these done for real this week will start to shift things for you. So here's move one. It's simply for you to just become a catcher of the sentence. It's simply to [00:10:00] catch when you are thinking your own when-then whenever it shows up.
So I want you to start listening for it. We have to have more of a focused, like deliberate awareness for it. When you feel that little low-grade heaviness kinda settle in your body, just pause and ask, "What am I telling myself that I'm waiting for?" "What's my current when?" Then say it out loud or write it down, even better.
Remember, it's the, "I will feel better when blank." Just you naming it, just you becoming more aware that you're actually delaying your joy until you fix this certain something, until this certain something happens. Just naming it really does take much of its power away. And now that you've named it, you can actually see it.
And I want you to realize it's not the truth about your life. It's just a [00:11:00] sentence. It's a sentence that can be questioned. Okay? That was move one. Now move two, which is how we can move towards a more enjoyable life without having to fix things first, is that now you unhook your problem that you have become aware of or named from your permission to enjoy.
Okay? So what we're doing is we're-- I said unhook, but also think it could mean separate, right? Separate your problem from any kind of permission to give yourself to, to feel joy, to enjoy the situation or moment. So this is a big one. Somewhere along the way, we started believing that we're only allowed to feel good once a problem is solved.
And if enjoying your day while something is still unfinished [00:12:00] would be irresponsible, like you're letting a ball drop, right? That's how we act as if, right? As if you choosing joy while this problem or unfixed thing remains like that, that is-- we're making that mean that it's irresponsible.
But those two things are not actually connected. Okay? You have this unsolved or unfinished thing going on or this not fixed thing or... And then you have this permission that we are given as a God-given right to enjoy today and notice how they are two separate things. So here's the sentence I actually want you to start practicing and practice it out loud if you can This is still unfinished, and I'm allowed to enjoy today anyway.[00:13:00]
Both things are true at the very same time. Let's say a tuition bill is looming, and you can still enjoy the dinner that is in front of you tonight Maybe you have a hard conversation to have with your teenager
And you can still laugh at something silly that happens in the meantime, right? Your list is still, let's say your list that you have is still three pages long of your to-do list And you can still soak up and enjoy your cup of coffee. Okay? You do not have to earn your joy by finishing everything first.
It is allowed to coexist with all the things that are [00:14:00] unfixed, unfinished, undone. In fact, it always has to or it would never get to exist at all, right? Okay, so I gave you move one, move two. Let's move on to move three that you can do so you can enjoy your life even when things are not totally fixed, and that is to look for the good that is already here Now notice I did not say go create more joy or add one more thing to your day.
You don't, you might not have the bandwidth for that, and I'm not gonna ask you, ask it of you. This is different. This is about noticing the good that is already sitting there in your ordinary day, the good you have been rushing past on your way to fix the next thing. So try this, like right now, before you even finish [00:15:00] this episode, name one thing that is already so good.
Are you listening to this and your coffee's still warm? How about you text your college kid? Maybe they sent you one that you just said, "Love you," right? The fact that everyone under your roof maybe at the exact moment is safe and breathing. How about the afternoon light that's coming through your kitchen window?
I know it sounds almost too simple, but your brain has been trained to scan all day long for what is wrong and for what still needs handling, and this is you teaching it to also catch what is already right, what's already fixed, what already doesn't need changing. [00:16:00] And what you look for is also what you end up finding more of, right?
Because what you focus on grows, so focus on looking for the good that is already here in your life Create the joy now, which is what's already around you. Okay, move four. I want you to enjoy something on purpose. The last move I'm offering is to actually be present for one good moment instead of, again, like half in, half out while your mind races ahead to the next problem.
Can you just pick one ordinary moment, just one today, and decide ahead of time that you are going to be all the way in it? [00:17:00] Maybe it's the 10 minutes your teenager suddenly opens up to you in the car. If you just stay quiet and keep driving Right? Watching your kid do the thing they love from the sidelines, or maybe you're in the back of the auditorium.
How about the first real laugh you share with your husband after the house finally goes quiet? A long phone call with your grown daughter where neither of you is rushing to hang up. Whatever it is, put yourself in your own life circumstances and your own place of where your children are Put the phone face down, right?
Let the unfinished things stay unfinished for a few minutes and just let yourself take your mind to something that you can actually see or take your mind to a place of a [00:18:00] happy memory maybe something that you're excited that you're anticipating, and just enjoy it purposefully. Because enjoyment is not only something that happens to you when all of our, like, conditions and circumstances and situations are all perfectly in line.
It is also something you can choose to give your full attention to right in the middle of that messy, imperfect day. And it's a skill. And it's not just a small skill, mama. It is a big one, but skills take practice. It takes being deliberate. It takes being purposeful. It takes focus. And here's just one more thing I want you to sit with.
The good in your life right now The gifts that are tucked into this day, [00:19:00] today, those were given to you so that you can actually receive them. Receive them now. Not to save for later once you've earned them or once a certain thing is fixed or finished. God is not asking you to wait until everything is handled for you to actually feel and enjoy His goodness.
It's already here. You are allowed to notice it now and soak it in. Soak it up Okay, so let me just pull it all together, right? The when-then trap keeps your peace on layaway, but a layaway with the payment date that never comes, like you never get your item
'cause there's always going to be something if we delay our joy. There's gonna be something [00:20:00] else that comes up. I would love for you to start catching that sentence, right? And I want you to separate your problems from your own personal agency to give yourself permission to enjoy life and have joy today, right?
Look for the good that is already here and around you, and choose to be present for the joy that is there on purpose. And none of that, none of what I'm offering requires your life to be fixed first. All of it is available to you today exactly as things are. It's a decision And a, a lot of you, if you have been noticing, like this has been me.
I've been in that trap when/then. I've been delaying. I've been postponing my joy. If you've been quietly waiting to feel better [00:21:00] until all the circumstances, line up perfectly in a row or things get handled, and if you're tired of waiting because you want the guidance and support to follow the path that I've laid out, then I-- this is what I help moms stop doing, right?
I help you learn to actually enjoy your real, unfinished, beautiful life. It's just a huge part of the work I do with the women I coach. So if you want help getting there, I offer a free call for us to meet. It's so easy. You pick a date and time. We hop on Zoom. It's just the two of us. We can talk through what im- the particulars are that are keeping you stuck in that waiting, and whether we'll find out if whether working together is that right next step for you.
The link to book a day and time is in the [00:22:00] show notes. And I hope that one of these moves feels doable, easy. I know you are all capable of them, and I would love for you to stop delaying enjoyment. This beautiful, precious life, we all don't know what the future holds, and so let's soak up all the good that is already there.
All right, everyone. Thank you for being here today. If this one hits home, please, pass it along, 'cause if it hits home for you I know it would hit home for another mom as well. And just imagine if we all stopped delaying our joy, just how much more joy we can create in this world. Okay, everyone.
Thanks again for being here, and until next week, may peace be with you always. Thank you for listening to the Peaceful Mind podcast. [00:23:00] If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step of scheduling a free coaching consultation with me.
We'll meet over Zoom to explore options and possibilities of how having a personal life coach and mentor could help you experience the exact motherhood and life your heart desires. To talk through current options, schedule a free coaching consultation today. You'll find the link to schedule in the show notes.
It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey
