Episode 350 Permission to Do Less On Purpose
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 350 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place where you can move out of overwhelm and into a calm, confident motherhood with God at the center. I'm Danielle Thienel, certified life coach, Catholic mom, and creator of the Cyclone Mom Method. I help you create emotional steadiness and peace of mind from the inside out so you can experience more balance and more joy in your busy mom life.
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, let's get started.
Hello, beautiful mamas. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me today. Forgive me, I sound a little nasally. I am on the upswing from having a cold when I am recording this. It's just a couple weeks before this episode comes out, and so it's the [00:01:00] change of the seasons where I am.
Maybe it has to do with some of the allergens, or it also could be because my son came home from from college for the weekend, and I don't know, maybe he brought some germs, because I was loving and kissing all over him. And wherever it is, I'm just-- that's the reason why I sound just maybe a little nasally today.
So we are, with this timing of the year, heading into a holiday season. I wanted to give you an episode 'Cause if you're listening to this when it first comes out you probably are already starting to feel it. This episode is just right before Halloween, and then just a few more weeks in our country at least, Thanksgiving, and then we've got the Christmas season and Advent season holidays that are, I think for us moms they, that starts to form in our mind now.
Obviously, it's [00:02:00] definitely formed in the stores if you've been out and about, to be able to see that the holiday season is here. So for some of you, maybe that gives like a little tightening in your chest. The mental list is like quietly growing longer by the day, and all the things that you're about to pick up and carry, like even on top of everything that you already have going on in your life.
So today, before that season kind of gets loud for you, I wanted to hand you something that I think that you need, and that is permission to do less on purpose. And here's what I really want you to hear. You are allowed to do less, not because you failed, not because you could not handle it, but as an actual intentional choice of your life.
So many of us operate as if more is [00:03:00] always the more loving option. Like more effort, more traditions, more handmade things more yeses. And then we wonder why do we arrive at the end of the year completely depleted, having basically gritted our teeth through the very weeks that we're supposed to feel joyful.
And I also want to offer you the, the very optional belief for you that doing less is not giving up, right? It is deciding on purpose where your limited time and energy, yes, did you know that, mama? That you actually were are a human being created by our Almighty God, and he created you to have limited time and energy.
And you are allowed to make that call for yourself to do less. [00:04:00] And I know when you're hearing that, I know why this is so hard, 'cause I feel it too. This is that, that quiet belief that so many of us carry that a good mom does all of it. That if we just love them enough, if we somehow find a way to do more, give more, make more magic around it all, then there is the comparison, right?
Scrolling past another mom who seems to be pulling off every last bit of it with a smile on her face. I'm kinda doing that right now when when I scroll and I see these homes. I guess there's those influencers who find all of those items like you would, like you could buy right straight from Amazon, but they have...
And it's a lot less expensive than almost looking like the exact same thing from like a higher end store. Like I get caught, and of course, they're showing me their beautiful homes, and make it look easy, and I even [00:05:00] catch myself going, "Oh, I should just upheaval the whole living room and start over." And anyways, that's just the, a personal example.
When, again, you... If you just decide that I'm allowed, to not overhaul everything, to do less, to maybe make one or two changes, or to say, "You know what? I'm not gonna carry that that burden this time." There is-- Because what we do is we pile it on, right? We pile it on, and then we call the exhaustion love.
But hear me on this. Your exhaustion is not the proof of your love or worthiness or that you're doing a great job. Literally, your presence is, and you cannot be present, and definitely present in a way that I know you moms want to, how you wanna show up, [00:06:00] you can't be that way if you're depleted to even, enjoy it.
So again, this is about giving you permission today for those of you who needed to hear this, that you don't have to carry it just because you always have carried it. And here is the trap I wanna pull you out of, because it's a sneaky one And that is we keep carrying things simply because we've just always carried them.
That's just, it's habitual. So ask yourself honestly, how many of the things on your list are there because they truly matter to you? And how many are there just because you did them last year and the year before, and now it feels like you have to? Maybe it's the elaborate cards, hosting the exact way you always host, the [00:07:00] 12 teacher gifts, getting everyone matching for one photo that takes an hour of yelling to capture.
I'm actually making a move here for my family, thinking that with the kids older and not needing, maybe I don't send out cards anymore, or maybe it's just me and my husband on the card from maybe one of our travels. I don't know. I'm asking myself this question, too. Are we recreating every single thing our own mother did, whether or not it even fits into our life?
Some of the things when you do this kind of little audit will-- you will absolutely wanna keep because you love them. But some of them, Mama, you are carrying purely out of habit and obligation, and I would love for you to pause and reevaluate, because a habit is not the same thing as it, as the, that [00:08:00] meaning you might be giving to the action.
You are allowed to set down the ones that have quietly stopped mattering. And if you look underneath that habit, you will usually find a little fear hiding there. A fear of what someone might think if you do things differently or don't do something at all. A fear of letting a person down or of being the one who finally changed the way it's always been done.
Yeah, I understand that fear. I really do. It is a little scary to make those changes. But again, you are allowed. This is my permission to disappoint someone's expectation in order to protect your own peace and your own family's actual wellbeing. This is not selfish. That is wisdom So you're allowed to choose your season.
And there's one more place here, and this one is so freeing. [00:09:00] Your life changes, your circumstance changes, and you are allowed to adjust what you hold on as the life and your circumstances fluctuate. What fit you perfectly in one season of your motherhood, like when you had littles, does not have to be hauled into the next one, right?
When maybe you've got teenagers or adult children. The traditions that made sense when your kids were tiny might not fit now that they're teenagers halfway out the door. And the way you did the holidays when money was tight or when you had a brand new baby or when all of your people or family lived in the same town, all of that can change.
And it can be because you are changing. Choosing your season just means looking honestly at the life that you're actually living right now and then just decide what [00:10:00] belongs in it instead of defaulting to whatever you've always done. And this is how actually to do this tangibly. Here's how you put it into practice.
And I hope that when you hear it, it's simpler than you would think. Before any season swallows you, take your running list, the real one, the one that's living in your head, and walk through it with this one honest question. And then again, write it down. That's such a powerful action Is this still mine to carry in this season?
Or am I only carrying it out of habit or guilt? And then I want you to let yourself set something down if it, if you, if the answer is I am carrying it out of habit or guilt, or I don't want to, or it doesn't bring me joy. Of course, I'm always emphasizing just [00:11:00] one is all you need to start, right? And then I wanna give you permission to not have to justify it to anyone.
You don't have to make an announcement. You just quietly stop carrying the thing that was not making anyone's holiday better anyway, least of all yours. And I know that I'm speaking as the holiday season, but I hope this episode stands alone on itself to maybe actually have you evaluate at times that if, to give yourself permission to stop carrying something.
And then just notice what happens to your capacity. That little bit of space and margin that you just created, oh, see what kind of Just have that, first of all, soak that in, having margin and some space. And it's the very thing that lets you be present for the parts that you do choose to keep, right?
Your [00:12:00] energy goes up for those things you do choose. And if you're someone who prays about these things, let me offer you this. The pressure you feel to do all of it, every single piece of it, and to do it perfectly, that pressure is not coming from God. He's not standing over you with a clipboard checking your list.
What He offers you is rest and permission to lay down a heavy self-imposed load, right? It's not something that you have to earn first. His peace is already yours for the taking. Okay. Now before I go on, let's celebrate. I didn't do this at the beginning of the episode, right? I just have to pause for just a second here.
This is episode 350. 350. Say that number out loud with me. Six years and two months and a couple weeks and a few days but who's really counting, right? [00:13:00] Of me showing up in your ears every single Tuesday morning without ever once missing a week. And I do not want to just breeze right past that, if you allow me on this platform, because it's a real milestone, and I am someone who truly believes we should stop and celebrate the things that are worth celebrating.
My clients, they know this, that it is one of the main tools that us moms have in our toolbox to create more peace as our li- in our life, and that is to celebrate our wins, to actually look at our life, see what's going right, what we are proud of, what we're just impressed ourselves by, and It doesn't have to be huge.
It can be small things, right? And that is worth celebrating and is why I'm doing that as an example, trying to celebrate the 350 [00:14:00] episodes. And here's what I want you to know. This is not, it's not only my milestone. For many of you, it's yours too, because I didn't build this show by myself. I wouldn't have this show if I didn't see that people were actually listening it, to it or getting feedback that it affected you in a positive way, which I love, so have that keep coming.
You helped build this podcast right alongside me week after week. Every time you press play, whether it was on your commute and some of you every time, like you maybe shared an episode to a friend who was struggling, every message like I'm just mentioned that you wrote me, every hard morning you chose to pour something good into your own mind and listen to it instead of just white-knuckling the day, that is the reason that this podcast exists.
350 episodes is 350 times that [00:15:00] you have to decide that you're worth a few quiet moments of care, of peace of mind. And so this is your win every bit as much as it's mine, right? We did it together. But I wanted to just take that time to celebrate and even ask you if you wanna celebrate tangibly with me.
Here's how. I want you to go back and listen to the one episode that helped you the most, the one you might still think about. A library of 350 episodes, there is something that maybe you even listened to in the past that it will hear-- you'll hear it, and it'll affect you differently because of what's going on in your life now.
Or you could send this show to a mom in your life who you know needs it right now. And you also-- I always wanna welcome, you can email me and tell me which episode changed something for you. That's the kind of celebrating that just keeps on [00:16:00] giving, right? And, And even share some ideas. If there's some things you wanna hear from me, include that in your message to me.
And you can always find my email, which is [email protected]. You can find that in the show notes with all of the, the spelling. And now this is the part of the episode where I'm gonna take my own medicine. I'm-- all of my coaching and strategies and my paths to peace of mind that I give you, I'm actually taking my own medicine right here out loud to all of you right now.
'Cause as I've been sitting here Giving you all of this about doing less on purpose and about not carrying something just because you always have, about choosing your season, I realized that I needed to actually listening to-- listen and follow through [00:17:00] on my own coaching in order to keep peace of mind in my own life.
So because my season has changed too, so I have kids that are grown now. My husband is retired. He re- he's an person who was young and did early retirement, and we have been... I've been a little pulled more by that dynamic in our marriage. We've had a little bit more freedom to really increase our hobby that's come up in the last couple years, which is hiking.
And then we both love to travel, and we've been doing a lot more of that and just having these room in our days, and I found myself wanting more of that margin, the very same margin I'm always encouraging you to protect. So now please hear me. I'm not going anywhere. I [00:18:00] love this. I love this podcast. I love to talk out my message.
I love to help in this way, in this capacity. I love getting to talk through these tools with you. I love that you let me help you in this way. I'm-- I don't wanna stop, but I do want to do it with a little more breathing room Especially after six consistent years of every week. So this is what I've decided to change.
I've decided to simplify. So instead of a new episode every single week like I have for the last six plus years, I am moving to a couple of episodes a month. The same good stuff you come here for, just a little less often. And honestly, I also am going to try to be very intentional about being a little shorter with my episodes.
There is something underneath that [00:19:00] decision that is also for your sake as much as mine, and that's I spend all of my time trying to help you all become less busy and less rushed. And the honest truth is that in so many seasons of our motherhoods, you simply don't have that endless time and energy to pour into one more thing, including a really long podcast episode.
So I'm going to try to be intentional and maybe rather hand you over shorter, more focused episodes that respect your very full life. And yeah, that's what I just decided to try. And this way I'm not asking you to carry any more either. I'm practicing the exact thing that I'm preaching here on the podcast.
So please use what is already here. Again, I, I-- there's so much gold and help and support and encouragement [00:20:00] and knowledge in the 350 episodes, and I can't-- I can say I feel so strongly that there are now just more information in this podcast, like sitting right here that have such good packed with them.
So please don't only listen to the newest ones. Go back into the library. Whatever you're struggling with this week, there is very likely an episode on it. So just go and search and find it. Easy. And here's the beautiful part. An episode, like I said earlier, is gonna meet you differently depending on where you are in life.
I read the same Jesus Calling devotional every single year. Like right now I believe I'm on like my fifth or sixth year of reading it, and I'm always so flabbergasted that the, a page that, that I hear, it just resonates with what's going on with my life today. It, and it, the [00:21:00] same page lands differently like each time.
And the reason is because I've changed and my life has changed. And this podcast works exactly the same way So that is me living out this episode where I'm giving you permission to not carry the load and to do that on purpose. And so I have decided to do some simplification with this podcast. So it'll still be coming at you just a couple times a month instead of weekly.
And of course, none of this changes my coaching. I'm still a coach. I'm still taking on new clients, and I'm still right here for you. You can always reach out to me at [email protected]. And if you're ready for some real life personal mentorship and support, I always offer a free coaching consultation call.
It's just you and me on Zoom. We look honestly at what's going on for you and [00:22:00] whether working together is your right next step. And again, that link for that is always in the show notes. So thank you, mamas, for six years of Tuesday mornings on the regular and for letting me be even a small part of your life, right?
This is never just a podcast to me. It has been part of a mission I believe that God placed on my heart to help moms carry a little less and find a lot more peace. So as we head into this new season, start right here. Set one thing down, right? Choose on purpose. Give yourself permission to simplify, to let go, to not fall into habitual traps, and give yourself the same permission I just gave myself.
And I will be back here soon. And until next time, may peace be with you always. Thank you for listening to the Peaceful Mind podcast. [00:23:00] If you've been feeling a quiet desire for more peace and steadiness in your motherhood, I invite you to take the next step of scheduling a free coaching consultation with me.
We'll meet over Zoom to explore options and possibilities of how having a personal life coach and mentor could help you experience the exact motherhood and life your heart desires. To talk through current options, schedule a free coaching consultation today. You'll find the link to schedule in the show notes.
It would be an honor to support you at any stage of your motherhood journey
