FINAL Episode 322- Whose Life Are You Living?
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[00:00:00] You are listening to episode 322 of the Peaceful Mind Podcast.
Welcome to the Peaceful Mind Podcast, a place for creating the peace of mind. You need to be the best mom. You are created by God to be. If you wanna bring more balance, more joy, and more peace to your motherhood, this is the place for you. I'm your host, certified life coach at Catholic Mom Danielle Tal.
In the name of the Father of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Let's get started.
Hey there and welcome back to the Peaceful Mind Podcast. I'm your host, Danielle, and I'm so glad you're here with me today. I've got a reflective one, and maybe you could tell because the title is a question. I want you to get comfortable [00:01:00] and really settle in with me because we're gonna have one of those conversations that might shift something inside of you.
Truly, I hope every time you come and listen to an episode, you get some kind of positive shift for your life, right? But this one is going to be wanting you to take an honest look at your life and consider a question that you might not have asked yourself in a long time. And that question is this, whose life are you living now?
I know that might sound strange at first. Of course, you're living your own life, right? But I want you to really think about it for a moment. Are you making decisions based on what you want on based? Based on what you think other people expect from you? There's a huge difference. That's what I want to land here.
Are you saying yes to things because [00:02:00] you genuinely want to do them, or is it because you're afraid of maybe disappointing someone else? Now, I know a lot of you will listen and you will realize after this contemplation that you're good, like you're in a good place. That it, but there are some of you. Who need to evaluate, and then perhaps if you want to, you can then decide to live differently because of what bubbles up for you.
So again, the question, whose life are you living? Another way to think about it. Are you living according to your own values and preferences, or according to the voices in your head that tell you what a good mom or a good wife or a good daughter should do? I wanna talk [00:03:00] to the mom out there who might be listening and realizes that you've been living your life according to other people's.
Expectations or some individual, their expectations instead of your own. And if that's you first, I want you to know that you're not gonna be alone in this. I don't pick topics that only that, that only apply to an anomaly. Like one individual person, I day in and day out hear moms and I pick up on things.
And you're not gonna be alone in this. Okay? And second, I want you to know that it's never too late to start living your own authentic life. Never. But first, let's just figure out if this is actually you, right? Let me paint a little picture and you tell me if any of this sounds or feels familiar to you.
[00:04:00] Okay? You're someone who says yes even when you really wanna say no. You agree to volunteer for the school fundraiser when you're already overwhelmed. You commit to hosting family dinner when you'd rather have a quiet evening. You take on extra projects at work when your plate is already full. Do you avoid confrontations at all costs?
You'd rather keep the peace, then speak up for what you need or want. Do you believe that false peace is better than no peace? So you stay quiet even when something really bothers you? Does it resonate if you hear, ask yourself if you're someone who puts others before yourself or your needs come last. Do you think your preferences don't matter as much as keeping everyone else happy?
Are you more concerned with making sure everyone around you is comfortable than you are with your [00:05:00] own comfort? Another thing to evaluate is, are you someone who can't disagree with strong personality, people who have strong personalities? When someone has a strong opinion or maybe a forceful way of speaking, do you just go along with it even if you feel differently inside?
Are you someone who's unsure of your own preferences? Are you someone who asks what restaurant you wanna go to and you, honestly, if somebody asked you that you like honestly wouldn't know? How about have you been focused on what everyone else wants that you've lost touch with what you want? A really big definer if you're living?
According to someone else's life is when you find yourself blaming other people for the situations you're in. Like I had to say yes because she asked or I couldn't say no because he would've [00:06:00] been upset, or I'm doing this because my mother expects it. Does any of what I said, does that any of that sound like you?
If it does, here's what I want you to know. You've been driving the bus of your life, but you've been handing the steering wheel to someone else. Maybe you handed it to your parents' expectations. Are still like echoing in your head from your childhood. Maybe you've handed it to your spouse or to your children or to your friends.
Maybe you've handed the wheel to social media or to some image of what you think a perfect mother should look like. Somewhere along the way, you might have stopped being the one making the decisions about your own life. And I wanna tell you something that might be hard to hear, but it's important. God didn't call [00:07:00] you to live someone else's life.
He called you to live yours. He didn't give you someone else's heart, someone else's dreams, someone else's calling. He gave you yours. So if you're someone who's living according to everyone else's expectations, you're not just cheating yourself, you're cheating the world. You're cheating them out of the world, who God made you to be.
So let me just ask you this question again. Whose life are you living? And if the answer is not mine, then I wanna ask you another question. What would it look like if you did start living your own life? I know that might feel scary. I know it might feel overwhelming. Change always does. Your brain does not want any change.
But what if I told you that you don't have [00:08:00] to overhaul everything, but what if I told you that you could start stepping into your own life today? Does that kind of feel a little better? Lemme paint you a picture of what that might look like. It might look like on a daily basis let me think about it and get back to you as a response when you are asked of your time and talent, instead of automatically saying yes to the requests that we are all inundated with.
It might look like choosing the restaurant sometimes when you're asked where you want to eat and not deflecting it, right? And even if you're not sure, because it would have you practicing going in to find what your preferences are and helps you discover what you do actually like. And it might look [00:09:00] like speaking up when something bothers you instead of swallowing it down to keep the peace.
Now I know I, I'm offering you some things. I'm and note, just as a side note, I'm not saying these will be easy. I'm just offering things that would be super effective to help you reach a goal of living your life authentically. Living your own life. It might also look like saying, actually, I see it differently when someone like states their opinion as fact and then you really don't agree.
It might look like taking a few minutes in the morning to ask yourself, what do I need today? Danielle, what do you need today? I even, I have to get better at asking this question too, because usually instead we'll go, scan and think about what everyone else needs from us that day, and it [00:10:00] might look like choosing clothes that make you feel good.
Instead of clothes that hide you or that you think other people expect you to wear, it might look like pursuing a hobby or an interest that you enjoy, even if no one else in your family like understands it. It might look like setting boundaries with family members about how they speak to you or what they expect from you.
It might look like making decisions about your children's activities based on what's actually best for your family, not what kind of looks good to other parents. It might look like saying I need some time to myself without feeling guilty about it. Living your own life doesn't mean becoming selfish or uncaring.
It doesn't mean you stop considering other people's needs or feelings. That's not what I'm saying here. It means that you stop [00:11:00] making decisions based primarily on fear and in particular, fear of disappointing people, fear of conflict, fear of being judged. It means you start making decisions based on what you believe is right, what aligns with your values, what serves your family well, what honors the woman God created you to be?
And here's what I want you to know. The people who truly love you want you to live authentically. They actually want, we all want this permission.
They want you to be yourself. I want you to be yourself. God wants you to be yourself and the people who get upset when you start being authentic. Yeah. But those relationships most likely are built on you being someone you're not. And that's not sustainable anyway, and maybe you will too. [00:12:00] Whatever extent you wanna go to.
I'm sure that this is like a spectrum of, you might quote lose some people when you start living your own life and that is hard, but it's not necessarily bad. And you might also discover that some relationships do get stronger and more genuine when you show up as yourself. I can think of a couple relationships, including my best friend who has passed.
Oh, the reason why we were so close is because there was no hiding, because we had been together since we were three years old. So you knew all of the real and raw and authentic stuff about each other, but that is what made that relationship so connected. 'cause I did, you don't have to fake anything.
And here's what you'll definitely gain. [00:13:00] You'll gain yourself if you live your own life according to you, okay? You'll gain peace. You'll gain the ability to look in the mirror and respect the woman looking back at you. You'll gain the joy that comes from living in alignment with who God created you to be.
This is all the things I want for you. So where do we start? Again I first laid this out with this question to be reflective, and I've tried to take your mind through this line of questioning and through these examples of if it's you or not. So hopefully by this time in the episode, you've come to the conclusion if yes, I'm living my own life or.
I'm living, according to somebody else's. And if you've landed on that, I've been living with somebody else's, this is where I wanna offer where you could start. You start by paying [00:14:00] attention, paying more attention to your life. Notice when you're saying yes, but you feel like a no. A pool of a no inside.
Notice when you're going along with something, but you feel resistance Notice when you're making a decision based on what someone else expects rather than what you really feel is right to you. And start asking yourself questions, what do I actually want here? And then answer that. What would I choose if I wasn't worried about what anyone else thought?
Answer that, what feels true for me in this situation? And find your authentic answers and start small. I say this a lot of the times in the things that I offer. We don't have to overhaul everything. Pick one area where you're gonna practice being more authentic or living according [00:15:00] to your ideals.
Maybe it's expressing your preferences about small things. Maybe it's setting a one boundary. Maybe it's saying no to one commitment you don't actually want, and you're taking those baby steps towards the a more fully authentic life, but it's your life. We get one of them, and I want you to expect when you do, you're gonna feel more alive.
You're gonna feel more peaceful. You're gonna start liking yourself more. You're gonna feel more connected to God and to who he created you to be. Everything has a beginning, mama and I really do believe that now is the perfect time for you to begin living your own life. If perhaps this has sparked something in you or you've discovered or uncovered that you might be living according to somebody else's.
The woman God created you to be is still in there. She might be buried under some years of people pleasing [00:16:00] and fear and other people's expectations, but she's still there and she's been waiting for you to let her out. What would your life look like if you were living it authentically? What would your days look like?
What decisions would you make differently? What would you say yes to? What would you say no to? You don't have to have all the answers today. Right now. Maybe think about a little bit, come back to the episode, maybe you jot some notes down. Just be willing to
life. Am. Here's what I want to invite you to do, right for the next week. Can you pay more attention to your own inner voice When someone asks something of you, before you answer pause and check in with yourself. What do you actually want to say when you're making a decision? Ask yourself if I'm Ma, am I making [00:17:00] this choice because it's what I believe is right, or because it's what I think someone else expects.
And at the end of each day, ask yourself, did I live as myself today? Or did I live as who I thought I should be? And this isn't about becoming perfect overnight. It's not about beginning to take back the steering wheel of your own life. And maybe in all the things, if this is something that you've been doing for a while I just wanna reiterate that I know that God gave you your heart, your dreams, your calling, your preferences, your voice.
I don't want you to spend your whole life living someone else's version of what your life should be, because you will be keeping yourself away from pe, from peace of mind. So if you're looking for permission, maybe you can take this message today as permission. You have permission to be yourself, to make decisions based on what you believe is right, not based on what you think will keep [00:18:00] everyone else happy.
The bus of your life is yours to drive. For some of us, it's time to take back the wheel. Alright, thank you so much for spending this time with me today. I'm so grateful you're here. I am always cheering you on as you begin to live more authentically. And until next time, may peace be with you always.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode of the Peaceful Mind Podcast. If you found value in today's episode, I'd be so grateful if you could subscribe and leave a review. It not only supports the podcast, but ensures you don't miss out on future episodes packed with insights and tools. To create peace of mind in your busy mom life.
And if you're of the Catholic faith, like me or any Christian mom seeking to feel better in any area of your life and to show up more calm, connected, and confident, I can [00:19:00] help become an empowered mom who knows how to bring about the changes you desire, no matter the circumstances. Whether you need one-on-one guidance to get there, prefer a group coaching program with like-minded women.
Or a self-study course I've got you covered. Explore my private one-on-one packages. Join my busy to balance group life coaching program or delve into my signature course. Divine time. To find out which path is right for you, let's meet and see what's the best fit. Schedule a free call with [email protected] or send me a direct message on Facebook or Instagram at Danielle Thienel Coaching.
And also don't forget to get your copy of my book, the Cyclone Mom Method, how to Call on Your God-given power to remain calm in control, and confident as a busy mom. Dive into the digital and bonus audio version when you go to book.daniellethienel.com/new-book. [00:20:00] You'll find all the details in the show notes too.
Until next time, peace be with you always.
